This is a very thought-provoking thread.
I would say that, hard though it is to let our children go, would you still want them living with you in their forties?
I am an only child and was the centre of my parents' universe. My mother would often say, "You're all we've got in the world," which made me feel responsible for their happiness.
As I've said elsewhere, I'd had no boyfriends until I met my husband when I was 25. I loved my mother dearly but was shocked at how jealous she was. When I finally left home to marry him two years later she took it very hard, saying, "This is your home and there will always be room if you decide to come back to us."
Now my own children are 21 and 17, both still at home. The youngest will be independent soon I think, but the eldest is showing signs of expecting to be with us forever, which worries me greatly. He hasn't had a girlfriend yet, and always seems to be at home, exactly like me at his age. I married because I wanted to break away, as I felt I'd never do it on my own, and I don't want to see history repeating itself. I WISH he would find the gumption to get up and go. He hasn't been to uni, and started full time work at 19. Just like me!
From listening to others' advice about my problems that I've posted here, my eyes have been opened and it has occurred to me that one of the things that has put a gulf between myself and my husband is the kids! In the early years they took all my attention, and we made the huge mistake of putting our lives on hold for them, so that we NEVER and I mean NEVER went anywhere without them. Evenings out were a thing of the past. We never needed babysitters as we were always at home.
Now those days of needing babysitters are long gone, but we've got out of the habit of going out together, and my husband never wants to, not with me anyway. He'd rather go out with our son, and they are more like friends than father and son, which again worries me as my son has only one friend his own age.
It's not his fault, but I've realised that my son gets far more attention from my husband than I do.
So I think it would be good for him to leave, and I need to get my husband back. We recently spent our first holiday together without the kids since they were born, and we almost started to become a couple again. Almost. Now we're back to normal and my son gets all my husband's attention again.
I hope it doesn't sound as if I'm jealous of my own son. I just don't like the way things are heading.
So welcome the empty nest! I can't wait for it to happen.
