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[juliamd]

 i miss my kids sooooooooooooo much, it breaks my heart to think of them not living at home
but i do no they are making there own way in the world which makes me happy for them. son rings daily!!!
DD well  she hasnt visited in months but i know shes happy, that has to be enough doesnt it?
im crying as i type, for those of you with children at home cherish every dammed awful moment, its all too soon gone.
poppinsxx

[Taz2]

Popins - sorry you still feel so tearful. Am sending you a hug 

It looks like I am in the minority here 

Taz x

[juliamd]

thanks taz, ill be ok tomorrow, it just hits me at times real; hard, then im ok, today not such a good day when i realised DD hasnt been round since before xmas.
xx

[Val.M]

When my daughter went to Uni (only 25 miles away!) I felt as though I'd lost part of myself....  I missed the shopping, drinks down on the patio with her friends, and stupid things like shaving the bobbles off her trousers when she went out!  We used to have such a laugh.  The relationship changed as she grew older, came back from Uni a different person....  But over the years we have forged that same strong sense of friendship and that has grown over the past 8 years or so.

She's now living just over a mile away (with her partner) from me and we still go shopping etc - but now our relationship is based on different things.  She's grown up and I've accepted this but yes, it did take time....  I must admit to still trying to hold her hand when we cross the road though

[Fi]

Val - thanks for giving us hope that things can still be good. I still try to take my son's hand when we cross the road too! Only thing is, he's started doing it to me too cos he think I'm getting old and doddery 

[Taz2]

That's a lovely post Val and I'm sure that it will cheer up anyone who is dreading the day their children become "proper" adults.

Fi - I know what you mean. My sons are dreadful at making me text them when I am leaving somewhere and letting them know when I get back. Makes me realise how much they see me as "old"! This got me thinking though - when I married and moved away I worried about my mum and dad as they were "getting on a bit" - they were 56 which nowadays still seems really young to me!!

Taz x

[gina123]

i know what you mean taz...how the years have flown...my eldest is 32 on monday..seems just like yesterday
gina

[catweazle]

My nest has been empty for nearly two years and I was just starting to get used to it and enjoy it after living in a 'house of trouser' for 27 years when guess what - my eldest son is having to move back home!
He lost his job, then managed to get another but it doesn't pay enough for him to stay in his own place.
Am I looking forward to him coming home? Er, not sure to be completely honest!  I hope he's not as stroppy as he was before he left, he ought to have grown up now surely, having fended for himself for 2 years. 

I wonder if you miss daughters more when they leave because they can be your friends in a different way than sons can. I mean like if they go shopping with you and do all the girly stuff. I've missed all that, all I ever seem to have done is go to bloomin football matches and training and all that lads stuff. If they ever came shopping with me all we'd do is trail round all the blokey shops - BORING!

Taz it's funny you mention about your lads wanting you to text them to let them know you're ok. I got a pep talk from son no 2 the other day when he found out I'd joined ebay - he was really worried I didn't know what I was doing! Is it just lads that reverse roles like this and start acting like the parent or do daughters do it too?

Catweazle x

[Taz2]

I think daughters do it too but they are probably more subtle about it!!

I can remember my mum, as she was getting frailer, fixing me with that gaze of hers and saying "just remember who's the Mum here please"   

I like the "House of Trouser" - same here - but I never yearned to do all the girlie things. My mum was always moaning that she had  a daughter who hated shopping and anything vaguely "girly". I was far happier kicking a football around with my friends' brothers or under the car with my dad trying to fix the latest thing to go wrong on the old bangers we had then.

As for your son coming home - we were almost in that position last month. The eldest son who has been away for 9 years and who lost his job in October and has struggled to find anything - despite a really good degree - told his dad "Oh, yeah, will probably have to come back home to live next month" and that very moment I was taking a phone call from the middle son who has also lost his job saying "mum am coming home to live".  Eeeek!! They would have to share a room again - not easy when you are in your twenties. But, thankfully, eldest son got a job a couple of weeks ago and middle son is able to claim for his rent (fingers crossed) from housing benefit.

Taz x

[yogini]

I have two daughters, eldest is 26 youngest 22.  Eldest lives miles away - 2-3 hours by train, longer by car.  Youngest still at home.  Both went away to uni, but when my eldest came back I knew she would not stay at home for very long.  Youngest daughter is different - more of a home bird - at the moment!!

I was never encouraged by my parents to "spread my wings", and I didn`t,  so I have consciously encouraged my girls to "fly".   How would I feel if my eldest daughter were to return home - on the one hand delighted, but on the other hand - oh, my God, what a mess she makes!!  When she comes for a visit, you know she`s here - towels get thrown back over the rail, cups and bottles left on floors - you know the picture ladies!! 

Yogini xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[CLKD]

You've described me to a T 

[maureenl]

im dreading this happening to me....Adam 17 got the prospectus today for Bristol Uni...we stay in Darlington. OK its another year and a bit away but im dreading it just now im trying to tell myself that i have got plenty of time to get used to it.....

[Jemima]

hi all

i feel like ive posted too much already today...but i have to say i understand this very well...

i hate empty nest syndrome...

my foster daughter moved out first, followed by my son (the youngest) who went to uni, and i thought I still have one left!!
and then she came running in all excited one night to tell me she was leaving home for 9 months to go on tour with a show!!

if i could do a jaw dropping smiliey here i would.....

i was completely shocked!

off she went - leaving me with miserable hubby who i promptly divorced.

three years on and i find that i not only miss my kids, but i miss my family home too ....

on the bright side i have a lovely new man, a lovely new home and rooms for my children to come and stay when they are in town...but i miss them sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.....its just well, painful isnt it?

when you see young mums out with their babies you feel a yearning for your children to be that size again.....in reality i wouldnt want the toddler stage again...but im sure the other empty nesters know what i mean?

one of mine is coming home on thursday to stay for a couple of days - im soooooooooo looking forward to seeing her - but already dreading her leaving again....

i have no idea how long this phase will last for me, little bit by little bit i think im getting used to it - xmas was lovely with all the kids here for two days....

but it was only two days.....

*sigh...

xxx

[CLKD]

So ask them 'what do you miss about being at home?' and 'how does your new life compare with when you lived here?'  Have you never thought how scarey it can feel to be suddenly thrust into the Big Wide World, trying hard not to show that really you would like Mum to say "I will miss you".  If you ask it gives them the chance to say "well actually ......... " ....... Mums will always be needed, always need to be in the background, will always need to be the listening ear and it's OK for you to say 'this is what I miss about you being around' .......... my Mum only needed me immediately after Dad died, until she met another man 13 months later, I now get the feeling that I've lost both parents.  So stop keeping quiet and tell them     

[Jemima]

I didnt say I was keeping my feelings quiet...I do talk to my children about my feelings...we are all very close, I'm glad they are happy with thier lives, and immensely proud of them all - not sure where you got the idea I didnt talk to them?