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[suzicals]

All I seem to do right now is cry, my mood is really low.  Not sure if its my hormones, my personal life or a mixture of the both.

My husband and I are not getting on, he doesnt talk to me, touch/cuddle me all he seems to do is snap at me. I do everything I can but nothing seems to be good enough.  The other day I tried to cuddle up to him in bed and he pushed me off, when I asked him why a few days later he told me, that I made him feel claustrophic.
Which does not help when I feel tired all the time, joints ache, night sweats, no labido, and all I want is a cuddle and some comfort.

I dont want to take anti depressants.  Is there anything else I can take to lift me out of this depressive state, I have had too many dark days now I just cant cope with anymore.  Sorry for the winge, but I really cant see a happy life right now.

[CLKD]

You winge, as much as you like: being pushed away is awful.  What's worrying him: work, weather, general life-style; does he have something he needs to 'get off his chest'?

Crying is normal.  Nature gave us feelings 

Perhaps he doesn't understand 'the change', would he go to your GP with you for a discussion about this time of Life?

ADs might help you see the wood for the trees.  Situational/clinical depression can be treated successfully with 8-12 month's medication. What's to lose?  If you can tolerate any side-effects then your mood will lift and you are less likely to feel as sensitive, enabling you to talk to him without tears …….

I have clinical and organic depression so need a low dose AD daily. 

[Ju Ju]

Good advice from CLKD.

Has this situation with your husband been long term or is it a recent development? Could he too be depressed? What kind of stresses is he trying to cope with? Is it possible that his behaviour is not about you, but reflects what is going on in other parts of his life? Maybe he hasn't the resources to support you at the moment and you will have to look outside of your marriage for the support you need.

I understand your resistance to ADs and have avoided them myself, but then I felt the same about HRT, which I now take. Take advantage of whatever is offered. ADs can be taken short term and will help lift you out of the hole. ( I had to take them as a young teenager and they may well have saved my life.) Consider getting support from a therapist or counsellor. Whatever it takes to feel better and to see the wood from the trees with regards to your relationship with your husband.

[suzicals]

I really wouldnt know what is wrong with him, everytime I ask or try and talk to him he just sits there and stares at me, he wont talk to me at all, I have tried to explain to him how I am feeling and I gave him some things to read about menopause to help him but he has said nothing, I certainly dont think he will would go to the GP's with me sadly.

Looks like I am back to the GPs.  Or find a counsellor maybe.

Thanks CLKD

Thanks JU JU

Our relationship has not been good for sometime.  I cant take HRT for medical reasons.  I want to avoid ADs as i have taken too  many over the years.

[Kathleen]

hello suzicals.

So sorry to hear that you are having a bad time. A visit to the GP sounds like a good idea and if you don't want to try ADs perhaps he/she can arrange some counselling for you.

Menopause is hard on us and our relationships.

Take care and let us know how you get on. Sending you  a .

K.

[Ju Ju]

Sounds as if he is really low as well and can't help you. You will have to seek the help you deserve yourself. It is not weakness taking ADs. Is your GP supportive?

It is not easy living with someone who is stressed and depressed. My husband went through a very stressed, depressed period, with a long lead up period. He had to seek help as he suddenly found he couldn't drive his car at speed.
He was a traffic policeman at the time!

You need to look after yourself first, before you look after your relationship. First stop the doctors?

[suzicals]

I think he is depressed and has been for some time but until he admits it to himself he wont get help. 
It depends which GP I see as to how supportive they are.

I was on a list for counselling, and I did see someone but she was not able to see me on a Monday (my day off work) she said she would organise for another counsellor, I have heard nothing since.

When I can find the courage to go back to the GPs I will.

[CLKD]

Have you contacted MIND Charity?  They may have a drop in centre on a Monday in your area?  Or ask if they have Counsellors and certainly, get in touch with the one who couldn't see you and remind her!

[suzicals]

Thanks CLKD, I will check that out and see.

If its a nice day tomorrow I am going to go for a bimble on the bike to visit Stafford (I used to live there).  Riding always cheers me up

[CLKD]

Haven't made it to Stafford - yet.  Apparently there are antique shops there 

[suzicals]

Haven't made it to Stafford - yet.  Apparently there are antique shops there 

Yes there always used to be, I havent been there for years.  Lived here for 19yrs now.
Just need to get my hubby to adjust my chain in the morning and I am off, even the thought of going has cheered me up

[CLKD]

Will he do that for you?

Helmet - tick
Knee pads - tick
Glasses against bugs - tick
Water - tick
Energy bar - tick
Mobile - tick
Map - tick ……...

[Mrs January]

Hey Susicals

So sorry to hear that it is tough just now hun.

Do what ever you need each day to get the 'feel good' in the day, I was like you and my now ex the same responses. RELATE have an online chat that I used, it gave me valuable advice and insight to have the live chat. I also used samaritans email service which is helpful too.

Gain support from friends and family, eat well and try to pace yourself...


Lotsa hugs

Mrs January xxxx

[suzicals]

CLKD yes he will I have asked him, he wouldnt want me to ride with a loose chain. The one time he does worry about me is when I am out riding.

Mrs January - I do try and keep it to taking it each day as it comes, I dont want it to end but it looks like its heading that way. I didnt realise that Relate do an online chat, will look into that. I nearly phoned the samaritans the other night cause I felt so bad.  I have 3 older  children who are very supportive. My youngest is only 11 and he said the other day that he didnt think his dad loved me anymore, or so it seemed to him which saddened me to think that if an 11 yr old can see what is happening why cant my husband.

There are some times in the month when I feel great and nothing seems to bother me, but other times it looks so black, which is why I think my hormones have some play in my feelings.

Thanks for your help

[Mrs January]

Suzicals

I have a counsellor and wow helped me tons. His view is live only in the present as we can't change the past or worry what the future is bringing, it is hard to do but so helpful to live for today. Relate has been brilliant for me, also look at family matters or family lives, they have a free phone help line you can call for a chat, I used it too to help my children......I am a nurse with vulnerable children so promote the sites at work and they are helpful.

All the best and hugs again Mrs January xxx