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[Ju Ju]

I'll think hard about this, CLKD. Thank you.

[mags]

Hi Bev- how are ypu getting on? Love Magsxx

[bev567901]

Ok Mags thank you the period that started yesterday has been challenging but it has just served to point out to me that most of my problems are hormonal. But I do accept I need the sertraline too as my symptoms had got me so down. Just doing the dreaded homework & have had one of them in the shower already. Just got one lot of homework to supervise then one more shower..... then find stuff to take for a stall Aiden is doing this week at school to raise funds for a hospice & then find something to put into a shoebox for children in the third world.....swimming kit, reading, etc.  Its all go! I would normally do baking or something for the stall but I really can't face it       All this would have been nothing earlier this year but a few weeks ago would have overwhelmed me so sertraline progress!
How are you this weekend, I have a feeling you are going to say a bit better. How is the office arranging going? x 

[mags]

Hi Bev- sounds as though you are very busy- and doing so well struggling with a period at the same time-it does sound hormonal. Well -I daren't speak too soon but yest after a bad start, got up in the aft-not dressed mind you and stayed down for quite a while, then later on I actually felt a bit hungry so hubby suggested going out to the local pub-which we did, and I had some chips which I really enjoyed and a pudding too- but I  actually felt quite good!  Then this morning after the usual anxiety and dread I actually felt that I wanted to get dressed-which for me is a big breakthrough- am still on the diazepams though-  but it's weird-I find that sometimes they work really well but othertimes not as well. so here I am about to go to Asda with hubby for food shop. Hoping  it doesn't all go pearshaped again!  The office plans have been abandoned for now as the boys rooms haven't quite been sorted yet-they both left loads of clothes -  that they don't want  which still need taking to the charity shop! they both moved out in sept so not that long ago really. Good luck with the homework etc and also good luck with the DRS APPT-Love Magsx

[Dyan]

Hi Mags
Well done! A pat on the back for you!
A little breakthrough, that's good!

Hi Bev- your children sound like they are still quite young.
In a way I'm glad mine are older as I think they can understand better.
My daughter tries to,she's 15, she says to me,"is it like your period coming but you don't get it.you just get all the c--p instead"- bless her!
The depression and anxiety side I think no one can understand unless they have experienced it and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[bev567901]

You know what Mags I just knew you where going to say something good (must be psychic) but not that good!!! You have done so well to not only go out but enjoy it too  Don't worry about the will it last thing, ups & downs are normal for everyone but it sounds like you have turned a corner. Don't worry about the diazepam too there is plenty of time to reduce that you will probably not need so much as you get better. Glad all the house plans are shelved there are much more important things to do like getting better & going to Asda is a huge challenge ha ha (our Asda is horrid! but my favourite wine is always on offer.) You may have Christmas thrown in your face like a great big lump of cold xmas pud to stress you out, or you may actually think wohoo the Christmas aisle lets buy everything!  I am so pleased for you, its not just the sertraline its you doing the hard work with a bit of help from Mrs Sertraline. xxxx

[bev567901]

Hi Dyan they are 8 & 9 with only a 9 mth gap so are the same age for 3 months so its a bit like having twins really. My eldest is 25 next weekend (how did that happen?)
Your daughter sounds really sweet they are very with it by 15 these days but I am dreading the teenage bit again, but at least she has independance you don't have to do the whole teeth cleaning surpervision etc lol. My youngest daughter is the 9 yr old & she knows I am poorly & I tried to describe it in very basic terms and she said so are you going through puberty again? That shocked me a bit but school does sex ed very young these days.
How is your day? Have you made a decision that you are going back on Tuesday or is that a done deal? You will be straight into Christmas play stuff they seem to start rehearsing so early. Your work carpets will be awash with glitter xx

[mags]

Hi Bev and thanks for the encouragement- had a bit of a panic  in Asda then a big hot flush but it did leave me a bit shaky and my mood went down but can't expect miracles I suppose. Am not going to push it  by doing too much for the rest of today . I can't say the Christmas aisle did anything for me - I always do find Christmas hard anyway as my mum and sister died  very near to that time, plus I always hated the shopping stress and huge build up to it. You must have had your work cut out with your children being so close together- I found it hard enough having a two year gap between my two youngest- there are three years between my eldest daughter and son then I had a gap of five years before the  youngest son and daughter arrived! I always thought of them as  two sets of children especially having a gap of ten years between my eldest and youngest- you must be a bit the same  with having an older daughter. Hope you  have a good day-Love Magsxx

[bev567901]

A bit of panic in Asda is fine I bet everyone does! I find it the most stressy supermarket but ours is on the wrong side of town so to speak & I hate seeing young kids being shouted at. I actually find Aldi the easiest once you get used to all the till manhandling & it being a rush because you don't wait as long they are so quick. I do alot on line, much easier. 
It actually wasn't so bad having two like that as we lost a baby boy to stillbirth 2 yrs before Ella was born. I ended up having 3 pregnancies in 4 years though which aged me. We where so glad to be pregnant as it had taken so long to achieve it again, & then with Ella being born with her heart problem Aiden's pregnancy was a blur as we had so much going on with hospitals etc. I just felt like the luckiest person alive but I will say I hadn't factored meno into the equation. This is the first time I have thought having kids in your 40's is a challenge. I never considered meno was ever going to be a problem, silly me 
Christmas must be hard to have two anniversary's coming up. It's not always a happy time for all. I would have the simplest one ever this year. We already made that decision last year thank goodness so no one can blame me if its not the same this time. We are going to make it much easier, less cooking, more sitting & relaxing. I have gone past the cooking for everyone else phase & getting worked up with no help. I think as you get older you are more likely to say sod it & not feel the teeniest bit of guilt. My sister used to have curry for her lunch & I found that unconceivable but it sounds rather good now.
Talking of my sister I will make you smile. She goes to India every year (no kids obv) & she always ends up with a really bad chesty cold from the plane journey going out. They called the local doctor out last time & she got antibiotics but it wasn't until she got home she realised she had been given antidepressants so she was still snotty but happy 
Hope you are putting your feet up now after such a huge weekend. See what tomorrow brings, you might be tired but if you are that is fine. See what your body wants to do xxxx

[mags]

Yes Asda can be quite stressfull but when I was feeling ok it didn't used to bother me. I was very tired this aft and  had to have a lie down-I must have dozed off because it was dark when  I woke up  and of course I had the usual panic which always disappoints me  when I have started off feeling relaxed. D
Do you still have the anxious/adrenaline rush on waking?

It must have been such    a joy to have had your babies after such a traumatic time. I was extremely lucky in having healthy pregnancies and babies- the only two problems I had were getting pneumonia when I was six months pregnant with my younger son which was very painful as I used to get excrutiating pain in my back when I coughed or moved- and my rare blood group caused a few problems as  well- I had to be monitored constantly as I was producing too many antibodies- luckily none of them had the same blood group as me because that would have caused problems and they would have needed transfusions at birth.
I used to do the cooking for everyone at Christmas and can remember one year when we spent the whole time having people round for meals but never went anywhere ourselves- after that I said no more
I thought the story about your sister was very funny-is she the one who thinks you are a wimp-if so it serves her right!
Hope you are putting your feet up too-Love Magsxx

[Dyan]

Mags, Bev,how are you today?

[mags]

Hi Dyan- am little brighter today but haven't had that drive yet to want to get up-I need to wash my hair too but that feels like too much effort at the mo. How are you feeling?  I can remember having  that numb/detached feeling on the mirtazapine and  the not knowing how I felt. I am sure it will pass in time. Hoping you are feeling a little better today-Lots of Love-Magsxx

[Dyan]

Mags have sent you a pm.
Glad you feel a bit brighter.
I know the feeling about washing your hair.
Even small things take such an effort.
That's reassuring to know about the Mirtazapine and you had that detached feeling too.
Did they not work for you though mags?

[CLKD]

I would spend more time thinking about doing chores than being able to get up from the settee to do any: then the guilt would set in  until the medication began to work ...........

[mags]

Thanks CKLD- That is me in a nutshell at the momentx