Menopause Blogs

The Dr Ben Blog

Blogs by Dr Ben

September 2024.

Dr Ben writes a new Blog at the start of every month for our Man Shed section.

Slide your feet in your partner’s Wellies and try some compassion-focused therapy

Welcome to The Man Shed and I’m delighted to be your man in it! Big thanks to the amazing team at Menopause Matters for inviting me to move into my new online shed.

My name is Dr Ben Sinclair (please just call me ‘Dr Ben’, everyone does), and I’ve been a GP for nearly 20 years. Bear with me a sec while I shift these spare paint tins and get my laptop set up…

It's a hot, dusty afternoon in late summer here and I’m mindful that both women and men can suffer the effects of hormonal changes as life goes on.

As a private GP, I supervise a team who support patients with a wide range of issues, including women’s health, fertility and Perimenopause – and male Andropause. And as a man, as well as a doctor, I believe that most of us guys have a lot to learn about Perimenopause and Andropause.

I’m no specialist, but as a GP and a married man with two older sisters, I have experienced the other side of trying to support those who are going through this change.

Let’s not forget that men’s hormones change too and mid-life can prove a challenging time for both genders – and Gen X, the squeezed middle, who have ageing parents, young children and careers to balance alongside navigating a changing metabolism.

I always invite my patients to take a good look at how they respond to their partner in a relationship and to see it if it’s time for a ‘tune-up’. What do I mean by that?

Here in the Man Shed, my dusty road bike could do with its gears tuning for optimum function … while my wife’s mountain bike could also do with its brakes tightening.

Both these adjustments will improve the smooth-running of the machines. And in a relationship, you may want to review your communications, your knee-jerk responses and your thinking, just like a bike service, in order to bring your relationships back up to speed.

When I founded Dr Finlay’s Private Practice, one of the first things I did was to recruit a psychologist (Dr Jared), who practices compassion-focused therapy. This entails adjusting our self-critical, inner voice and results in our external communications becoming more harmonious.

When life comes rushing at us at 100 miles an hour every day it’s easy to suffer Task Overwhelm. As a result, we can end up communicating out of irritation, rather than compassion. People can become ‘just another task’ you’ve got to do.

At this time, I believe it’s important for both halves of a couple to practise this self-compassion and be gracious in acknowledging what are difficult circumstances.

Taking a deep breath and pausing before responding can very easily transform what could be a stressful interaction into a supportive one.

Whether it’s a case of menopause or andropause, the view from The Shed tends to always be better when we stop, reflect and try to put our own feet into our partner’s shoes.

Mind you, from where I’m sat right now, that could equally be their wellies.

If you’ve got a question for Our Man in The Man Shed Dr Ben Sinclair, you can email him on [email protected]

Welcome to The Man Shed and I’m delighted to be your man in it!

If you’ve got a question for Our Man in The Man Shed, Dr Ben Sinclair, you can email him on:
[email protected].

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