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[Redlocks]

Hello CLKD

I'm still menstruating and I always found that I would feel worse before and sometimes during and after a period. Anger, sadness, anxiety, you name it.
I'm sure it doesn't help at the moment that my anxiety is so severe I'm struggling to eat, so I'm just having what I can.
I woke up about 4am last night after having some good nights of sleep, so I can relate to the early hours/morning terror. I actually felt I was slowly getting a little better, so yesterday was a bit of shock for me.
You are so kind and I really appreciate your support Did you have a nice Christmas? X
Ps: What deep breathing exercises would you recommend?

[CLKD]

We did have a good few days away.  My largest problem is anxiety: which causes me to stop eating completely.  I can soon become anorexic.

Deep breathing: from toe to scalp.  Tensing each muscle group in turn, hold, relax.  Take in a breath whilst tensing, let it go whilst relaxing the muscle groups. All the way up the body to the scalp.  Practice 10 mins. every hour.

It can be done in bed; whilst sitting; standing in a queue ........... supposedly focussing the brain on the different muscles.  Don't tense too much or you'll get cramp 

Definitely hormones.  How is your diet in general?  Do you have snacking to hand?

[Redlocks]

Same here CLKD! And I usually love food, and prefer my figure when I have a bit more weight on me! The panic and agitation are the worst - when I get akathisia it feels unbearable.
Could it still be hormones even if I was an anxious child? Although it got worse with age and I never took medication as a kid and was able to go to school even though I hated it.
I have a phobia of death and of losing everyone, and then I feel guilty because I want to make the most of my time with family and friends - I go off into a whole vicious thought cycle about this but I've found that when my anxiety is under control I can function, switch off, focus, etc.
And my diet wasn't bad but could do with improving - at the moment I'm just having whatever I can manage.
Can I just say it's helped me so much to talk to you, so thank you X

[CLKD]

Eat when you are able to.  Lollies?  Ice-cream?  Dried fruits and nuts?  Grazing helps me.  Also eating B4 my body needs it - like B4 lunch time rather than later.  Keeping the body fuelled helps the brain 

Yep.  Hormone upheaval.  Awful.

In the 1990s my Mum turned 70 and everyone dies when they are 70 don't they  .  I was terrified.  ADs helped. She is 93 now  . I do worry when Himself is later getting home than planned  I've had him dead and buried many a time  .  When we leave anyone that I care about I say bye in a way that means should they pass on, I won't feel guilty about not being firm in the way I care.

Half a day at a time?

[Redlocks]

I like dried fruit

I've gotten through today so far without taking any anti-anxiety medication but it's been a struggle. I'm crying because I feel like I'm wasting so much time being scared of everything when I 'should' be appreciating life at the moment. I feel oddly guilty.
And I know exactly what you mean about saying goodbye. I didn't get to say goodbye to my grandma and she was my best friend.
I'm sorry to dump so much on you, Christmas makes me emotional on top of everything else. I wish I could take my mind off things but you're right, I need to take half a day at a time. I started back on my original dose of HRT 4 weeks tomorrow, so I know it's early days, but going through this is exhausting.
You're so kind to keep writing back to me, not to mention patient and funny How are you doing?
X

[CLKD]

It's not dumping.  It's sharing.  Sometimes getting it out of the brain helps relax a bit. 

Eat Girl Eat ;-).  Get dried nuts, bananas - slow release foods.  When you feel better batch cook so that you can have food to hand B4 you need it.  If necessary buy ready made from shops to freeze ready to put into the microwave.  Building up energy is important and anxiety can knock that back.

Anxiety is normal.  It's the flight/fight response to perceived danger.  This can be made worse by hormones, upheaval, a job interview .......

If you are struggling why not take a pill? 

[Redlocks]

Thanks CLKD
And I would take something but I'm scared of addiction!! only lorazepam helps at the moment...I hadn't needed any help like that for over six months and now feel like I'm back at square 1 again.
I've been getting so many intrusive thoughts and struggling to get out of bed today, even though last night I felt like a human.
Why do so many people feel worse in the mornings? Ive heard that cortisol is up but I can't do anything about that. Is estrogen highest in the morning? When I'm balanced I don't mind mornings.
X

[CLKD]

Take the tablet, that is what it is for!   When you feel better your thought patterns will relax.  Take it from 1 who knows    .  If I take 1 it either knocks me out and when I wake I feel well or it relaxes me enough so that I cope.

Cortisol is the waking hormone.  My problem is commitment: as the day goes by I feel better as my chores get done and I am less likely to let anyone down.  I found that making lists helped and not to say 'yes' to anything in the evening because by morning I would be in a panic about it.

[CLKD]

2 much fibre makes me ill 

[CLKD]

Oh that doesn't affect me, it's 'bran flakes' that made me constipated though it was highly recommended by the gastrologist in the 1970s  . 

[Redlocks]

Thanks again CLKD and Birdy.
I've felt exactly this way before and it never gets any easier! I'm panicking thinking about how worried I am about my family and loved ones, it's like I'm mourning people before they've gone - it's ridiculous!!
Maybe I'm just a hopeless case...I thought I was handling things well until recently, but a couple of months ago I found out that my uncle has Alzheimer's and it's progressed so quickly he may only have a year left.
So I don't know what's hormonal and what's grief. If it's psychological then maybe I should be brave and ‘feel the feelings' I'm getting, but it's so overwhelming. I'm just not really myself at the moment.
Again, thank you for your kindness, and I'm sorry I'm such a pain.
X

[Redlocks]

I definitely need to sort out my diet, Birdy. Thanks for the tips
I have asked for help but won't get an appointment until mid-January (I know that's not long, but time's going sort of slowly at the moment and I've never really found therapy that helpful as for me the symptoms feel very physical and sometimes the therapists just make me overthink things more).
How have you been doing? It sounded like you had some good days, so even if you dip again it's still a good sign
X

[Redlocks]

I feel the same - just don't know what to do! It seems it's hard to get the right balance of Utrogestan, and there's pros and cons to the progesterone stage.
Have you got an appointment with anyone lined up? I hope you are safe and got plenty of support X

[Redlocks]

Do you remember what combination of HRT worked best for you (or the regime that was the least awful)?
X

[CLKD]

Make lists!  Clears the head 

I think many go through a period of mourning those still around.  I certainly have done.  Over that now. 

Half a day at a time!  DH has made chicken curry, beef curry and mince mix with lots of veg.  I can hear him stacking it into his freezer 

I LOVE roasted veggies ................ apart from beans, peas etc., the latter I prefer raw in handfuls