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[CLKD]

I am picking sweet peas daily 

[lesley998]

Hello
Just came on to update in case anyone else has similar feelings to me.
Went to my GP, explained the anxiety and doom, suicidal thoughts and he has increased my SSRI dose.  Been on 20mg three times a day for three weeks and it has made a huge difference. I just know whatever is happening to me is physiological and has a cause... missing hormones, too much hormones,  too little brain chemicals....who knows.  But it's nothing I can control or snap out of.  I didn't call Prof Studds office and his HRT treatment in the end, as I have a gut feeling that too MUCH oestrogen or an imbalance is my particular problem and I'm scared to revisit HRT unless I absolutely need to.  For the moment, I feel fine and I'm concentrating on that, day by day.   However, I do know in my case it is cyclical.  If the Madness comes back, even with the new SSRI I will have to have another think. Right now, I'm in a better place than I have been for ages.  I know that sounds daft, a pill in such a short time can change you so much, but it really does seem to work like that for me. Like my brain was parched of what it needed and filling it up again I feel fine.
Thanks for the comments and support.

[Annie0710]

Because we're all different obviously we're going to need different regimes/forms of treatment to get us through the worst

I've been put on 10mg amitriptyline for my nerve pain in my lower back and dr said it can take 6 weeks to kick in, my relief came  by the end of the first week

I hope you continue to feel better x

[susiefreer]

Good morning Sweetpea. Gosh i now know for sure i am not alone. I am still in my bed contemplating getting up with a lot of the same things going on that you describe. My GP has given me Fluoxetine which has calmed the panicky feelings but they have not gone all together sadly although it is better. But like you, i really did / do think sometimes im going to die and at times wish, when i wake up i could just go back to sleep and not wake up. Its strange though because its not like a clinical depression or a panick attack about 'something' its just there all the time without reason but then when i start to worry about, for example for daughter moving into her new house today in London at vast expense, the panick in me is massive and it shouldn't be. Its ridiculous and i hate it. So big hugs from me and here's hoping you get help. X

[CLKD]

Cortisol - the hormone that wakes us - can rush and make us anxious.  Bugga .......... once I'm out of bed that anxiety dissipates a bit, I get on with chores on auto-pilot until breakfast kicks in and eases the anxiety.  Then I can plan the morning.

[Roseneath]

marie 62 / sweet pea...just  read this thread with interest...totally mirrors my experience in the last 6 months. I have this terrible 7-10 days post my period when I am convinved I can't cope and are going crazy; can't concentrate, get my words out, hugely anxious, brain racing, weird dreams, bad gas. Then around Day 20 it just disappears...feel great, loads of energy, relaxed.  Can I ask what medication you are on AD wise and do you  take it all the time or just when the ' Madness' comes. It is such a good way of describing it. For me it is a switch that is either 'on' or 'off'.

[Marie62]

I'm so fed up with this menopause 
After trying elleste duet Conti and Kliovance and suffering from the “madness” I switched to Angeliq about 10 weeks ago.
First few weeks were rough on my stomach but that settled and I began to feel really good but since yesterday I've felt really low and anxious again, knew it was too good to be true!!
I'm probably in for about 2 or 3 weeks of feeling awful and then I should be fine again hopefully.
Don't think there's much point in going to the Doctor as there's nothing they can do as I'm reluctant to take an AD due to the side effects. It would be great if there was some medication that would help me through those 2-3 weeks but I'm pretty sure all AD's take a few weeks to work and by that time I'd probably be back to feeling ok again. I've got an appointment at a menopause clinic in November so hopefully they can help. I want to stay on Angeliq as it's been great for my skin,it feels so soft, but unfortunately doesn't seem to be any good for mood, really don't think hrt can help with mood for me so I'll have to soldier on and hope it calms down over time.
Last episode was at the end of May it was bad but not as bad as the first one in December which pretty much floored me.   I know what to expect now and that it will lift and I'll feel fine again but it's so hard to get through those tough few weeks especially as I have to go to work and paint on a happy face when all I want to do is hide away until it lifts.

[Wendy65]

Hi,

I have felt crushing depression and anxiety for the past few weeks that has completely floored me. I have honestly felt like chucking myself under a train. No joy in life, hungry all the time, no energy, depressed, teary, unable to cope, want to be on my own but also that means that I end up feeling worse, irritable, fat, frumpy, no good to anyone or for anything. Zero confidence.

Seeing g.p again next week. Resigned from work. What a mess.

So Sweetpea you are definitely not alone and I really feel for you as unless you are going through  it, it is very hard for people to understand.

Sending you a bug hug x

Wendy

[Marie62]

Wendy
I really feel for you and you're right nobody understands unless they've been through it, how you're feeling just now was exactly how I felt in December last year, never thought I'd feel better again but after about 3 weeks of hell it lifted and I felt fine again but it seems to rear it's ugly head every 3 or 4 months, as I've said the last few episodes haven't been as bad as that first one so maybe it will diminish in time, I really hope so as it totally destroys your quality of life.
When I'm through the episode and feeling fine it's like I can't relax and enjoy feeling good because I'm always worrying about the next episode 
Doctor either wants to prescribe AD's or to try mindfulness or CBT but when your minds racing that's practically impossible.
I'm sure you'll be fine in a few weeks which I know is no consolation just now but it's what happens with me.
Maybe an AD is the way to go for you as any hrt I've tried hasn't helped with mood.
Good luck at the doctors and keep us updated.

[Butterfly22]

That's awful, you shouldn't be feeling like this then worrying when it will hit again.
I've not read the whole thread, are you wanting to get the hrt right until you think about ADs? Xxx

[Marie62]

Hi Butterfly
Yes im trying to get the hrt right. I'm currently on Angeliq and apart from the mood problems think it's suiting me,my skins really good and have felt fine apart from today and yesterday, I may not lapse into the depression,I'm hoping not but not feeling great at the moment.
I've tried citalopram before but the side effects were awful hence my reluctance to try another AD. I will see what happens when I go to the menopause clinic next month and if they advise an AD I will give it some thought.

[Butterfly22]

Ah well that's understandable as you need to sort one thing out at a time, sorry your feeling so low.
I've been like a hamster on a wheel try hrt and ad's so no how you feel.
Angeliq was next on my list so good to hear it's helping other things.
Good you can get to a menopause clinic to, get as much info as you can, write notes, have what you tried written down just incase you are like me and forget once there.
I no it seems like hell and is there an end but we ha e to just keep going and trying things but all here to help. Sending hugs xx

[CLKD]

Are any of you able to explain the anxiety and depressive feelings?

Crushing pretty much describes my anxiety, it floors me to the point of suicide and without the emergency med. I wouldn't be here.  It starts in my gut, my thighs go weak, followed by my calves; adrenaline surges hot through my veins followed by despair.  Within the space of 2-3 mins.. 

[NorthArm]

Me too CKLD...

I'm 10 days into Tibolone, and the anxiety / depression has floored me  That and bursting into tears often during the day 

I'm off to the doc for blood test results tomorrow, I've had full thyroid, iron, vit B12 and hormone (all 5 this time, not just oestrogen and FSH - this is all doc checked last time  )

All this, and weaning off 1mg lorazepam (was taking for about 6 - 8 weeks at night to sleep, now only lasting about 4 hours instead of 6) and wondering if symptoms are due to interdose tolerance, etc, etc 

Just so hard to know...I'm taking melatonin 2mg (prescribed), .75mg lorazepam and I'm trialling a herbal sleep aid I found in the chemist today....

This is truly such an awful time, I feel like I'm in the midst of a great grief 

If bloods are inconclusive, I'm going to ask for Mirtazapine as it's meant to be quite good for insomnia, anxiety and depression.

And sweetpea.... I'm hearing and feeling your pain, it's exactly how I've been feeling since about mid - June

Love and best wishes to all of us brave women xx ❤️

[lesley998]

I have not had the Madness now since I first posted and started regularly taking fluoxetine.  It's a life saver for me.  However, I am waking with stirrings of those familiar dread feelings,  and am praying it is not a sign of the return. I dont think I can do it again.

CLKD, although I am well ATM, it's hard to explain the anxiety and depressive feelings.  For me, it is more mental than physical. A continual feeling of sadness.  Constantly aware that I feel sad and unhappy (nowhere near the best descriptive words but can't think of any others) as opposed to just going through the day in a 'normal' mood. Waking up with a groan - not a 'oh Im tired, wish I could stay in bed' groan, more an 'I've woken up again and I wish I was still asleep/unconscious/dead'  groan. Then the fear hits, churning stomach and whirling thoughts,  curled up on my side staring at the wall and almost biting the duvet to stop from screaming out.  Trying to pretend I'm fine when all I want to do is cover my eyes and ears and curl into a ball.  The thought of showering and deciding what to wear is like the thought of climbing Everest. Fear of the fear, why am I feeling this way.  Genuinely thinking suicide would be an answer as I can't get to 10am let alone the rest of my life.  Hammering heart, churning stomach, dry mouth, dizzy. Somehow getting though the day and by 5pm I'm fine.  It's cortisol!! Brain chemicals.  Some celebrity on one of the programmes this week described iit a bit...wish I could remember who.  I've said this so many times, but really - why has it taken this long for the world to realise that women go through sheer hell in meno.  All the old jokes about the mad wife in the attic....Jane Austen knew all about it. The burned 'witches' knew all about it.  We know all about it.