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[tabbycat3838]

Kathleen, you are a huge help.. Thankyou i mean that, and yes everyone is extremely supportive here i am very grateful. I feel slightly tearful reading everyones replies.not a huge crier but feel the emotions deeply.
Thats heart warming to hear you and your son have come out the other side.and its really helpful being reminded that my boy is just going through his thing.. Exactly as you said, going through this other stuff makes it so much harder to bat off ad i would have been much calmer otherwise but i just feel frazzled these days.
I just want him to be happy i want us all to be happy.x

[CLKD]

You can't control his happiness.  We all have the ability to upset others, we can help people to be happy but we can't control the end result 

What support does your son have in School?  I so remember the anger I had, partly a learnt pattern  anger which took me until my late 20s to begin to manage.  Even now I am able to explode  …….. so banging cushions, slamming doors, throwing stuff though nothing precious: the last time I threw something at DH was a wet dish-cloth - he wrung it out on the kitchen floor and threw it back ………. left me with a wet floor ……

Your son is trying to be an adult but has conflicting hormonal feelings, he's too old for a 'there there' cuddle but probably needs reassurance.  Sit down and ask him what he requires in his Life right now? don't make promises but knowing is half the battle ;-)

[tabbycat3838]

Oh ckld, thankyou so much.. You have echod exactly what ive already said to both of them.. Yes there will be new rules.. There,has to be as i cant run around after them anymore.. We always used to eat togeather every evening and ive always cooked but my daughter works and isnt around much and my boy is out and about with his mates...in any case, after being told on a repeated basis, uhhh i hate this.. Ughhh i dont want it.. Ughhh theres,never anything decent to eat (meaning crisps pizza burger) you lose the will to live let alone cook! In the new house, there is a nicer kitchen.. thats not freezing cold and with a working oven thanks for inspiring me and reminding me to try and have dinner togeather once a week xx

[CLKD]

Little steps.  It's easy to lose the way when there's constant bickering.

Maybe shop ahead and post a list on the kitchen as to what you plan to cook?  that way your son can either join in with the cooking, or bring back what he fancies so that you eat together at a set-time: no nagging about it being healthy, he's hungry probably so wants instant filling up!  Does he bring his mates home to eat, maybe sharing the kitchen with lads will enable you to sit back and watch interaction.  Do their families cook/eat together?  My husband learnt to cook at age 9  …… large pans of stew, curries which can be eaten hot one day and cold the next; slow cooker?

If you can, make sure that there is plenty of fruit available …….. there are plenty of healthy sports bars too that have long use-by dates  .  Washing up together so that you can chat? 

[tabbycat3838]

And you are,so right.. I know i cant control his happiness.. I guess ive depended on my kids too much in a way because they are really all i have thats mine if that makes sense.being adopted they are my only flesh and blood.its about me letting go as much as them.. Very tough  and lol at your temper..me too.its not very often but jesus when it comes.. . would be funny if it wasnt so scary

[CLKD]

So you were adopted?  Another story ………  ……… oh I'm so nosey 

He's old enough to sit down with and ask the questions.  New house etc.. 'I'm doing my best but how can I improve now that we have moved?'

[tabbycat3838]

Yes theres always fruit lol and other healthy stuff but he has a phobia hes always had his mates round but since hes,started smoking copious amounts of weed, i dont really want them here and plus hes lost most of his other friends. He uaed to be majorly popular, always surrounded by kids..its a bit heartbreaking
I think thats a GREAT idea letting him choose something to cook, and i will definitley do that one. he loves,a good roast so will get him to do that on a sunday maybe when we,are all off work. I feel so much better juat having your advice.. Rediculas how apathetic ive become really.ps your hubby sounds like a star lol x

[tabbycat3838]

Yes i was,adopted and the woman who adopted me was very screwed up and couldnt love me .i was on an at risk register by the age of 5. Bought up in a very violent household with hwr boyfriend, alcohol and drug problems..etc. It was a mess,.im a bit of a damaged soul really.but i love my kids more,than life itself and really done my best to get it better for them. Im not perfect whatsoever but they are loved dearly..and they do know that atleast. X

[Hurdity]

Did you see my (long) post? I think you were probably replying at the time and things have moved on. Do read about my sons!  I had the weed problem too with mine. I definitely would not have them doing it in the house and be up front about it! I banned my son from seeing one particular friend who would steal his mum's weed! He would come home mod week all glassy eyed and then go to school the next day. He was getting really paranoid and his school work was suffering. I also cut his money because I wasn't going to subsidise that. he was about the same age. He is lovely now and 27!!

Hurdity x

[CLKD]

You know your background.  You know your weaknesses.  You are building upon your strengths  …….. we can tend to parent as we were parented but you have moved away from that having seen how destructive it can be.

[BrightLight]

Hi there, so sorry you are in a difficult place right now. I was just wanting to echo other comments about thyroid issues. My thyroid is teetering on under active although my bloods tests are in the normal range. I've come to accept that my hormones depleting is putting extra stress on my thyroid and stress coping symptoms. It's not much help to recognise this in some ways, as I don't believe there is a quick fix but DancingGirls advice to continue to focus on diet, as you have been, consciously trying to relax and being kind to yourself is a foundation to build that will help. The supplements as well, b vitamins to support your stress response and google foods that help the thyroid. Breakfast is the most important meal to get metabolism going, a protein shake of some kind will help your system get going. Take care x

[tabbycat3838]

Hurdity!:-) are you kitted out and ready for glasto?? And how,are you? :-)
Oh youve been through it all too! yep in the space of a week he broke a phone ide given him and a very good computer that was only a few months old (the cat knocked it off the side of course, and the phone screen smashed "in his pocket")
Its odd, tho i think i find ot more intimidating because hes a young man, and hes taller than me (not difficult)im not a wall flower by any means but i think when you feel weak its a bit harder to deal with.. I think thats whats driving me mad, is that ive always talked with him and he has with me too.. Ive explained whats,going on and how the situatuon is making me feel.. He also knows he can talk to me about anything if he really needs to .. I juat cant cope with the abuse and critisism and i feel im done with trying to communicate with someone who hs basically shit down and shut me out.
I agree with you too re hrt and the bugs, viruses.. I just feel at a liss when the doctorrs keep telling me im "normal" lol i wonder sometimes if its the damp cold house.. There is a slight mould issue here..i just dont know. It becomes obsessional searching for answers.being told theres nothing wrong with you but barely functioning.it makes me feel guilty or like im making things up or attention seeking.i am neither.i thrive on being well.it serves absaloutely no purpose for me to be so unwell all the time.its not like anyones gonna come and rescue me or that i have anyone running around after me when im ill. Not that i  Would ever want that anyway, infact is,really the opposite the kids give me extra grief when im on the floor
Yes i did have actual readings, i think T4 was very liw like 1.1 or something like that but obviously well within "normal" love that word!
You are lovely thankyou for all your feedback as always hurdity x

[CLKD]

AAAHHH weed - may well be the basis of his anger.  He is aware that he shouldn't so it makes him angry with himself, also he is aware that it's cool to be in a 'group' but he's chosen the wrong one.  I suggest that you contact a support group for drug abuse to get advice, sooner rather than later.  Maybe an ex-user could go into School and give The Talk! certainly Head of School should be made aware that he is smoking it.

[tabbycat3838]

Hurdity yes i did see your post.. Very reassuring to hear how lovely your son is now.. Very very!so easy to feel all is lost doom and gloom..  The weed thing is a nightmare, weve had so many conversations about it, weve even laughed togeather about how bloody boring it is and how paranoid it makes you.. obviously ive had my time with it before now.. I tell him that any drug that becomes,a lifestyle chouce and not an occasional recreation is a problem.no matter what it is herb or chemical.there is a big part of him that doesnt even want to smoke it as hes told me.but i think he fees theres nithing else at the moment.he has been out of school for the last few months due to an attendance rate of 50 percent, bunking off while i was trying to work.ive been fined 600 quid and told i will go to prison if i dont pay it...im not going to pay it. The goverment instist i work, so i cant be there to tend to my son during hiws most turbulent years and to make sure hes at school (im happy to work but just making a point) so then send baillifs round to my door and take me to court for him bunking off.. In spite of me going to the school and asking for help several times they juat penalised me /us instead.

[tabbycat3838]

Ckld, he is under a support worker for drug issues in adolescents, he has also just had a cafs? Report done, he is going back to school shortly so that he can acsess other support and hopefully go  to college, which would suit him better than school x