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[honeybun]

She has hinted to mother but mother doesn't get hints.

We have carers at 7:30am and again at 7:30pm. She does qualify for care four times a day but she has resisted this up until now. It's time to stop resisting. Tomorrow for example if she had someone in to give her lunch I would not have to go and neither would sis. We do want to see her but not be tied down by having to be there at set times.

Unfortunately mother will not see it like that and will kick and scream again.

It's never easy but she never gets back to the same level of independence when she has been ill. She can barely walk anyway. To be absolutely honest she needs full time care but that's not an option.


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

Let her kick and scream.  She's kick and scream at you but not the carers? so put it to her that as from   â€¦.    this will be the new routine.  She'll get over it  ……. otherwise she'll have to go into a home 

[honeybun]

Just wish sis would get on with it. There is nothing to be gained by waiting. Waiting for what exactly.

She needs to pick up the phone and call social services and get someone to visit....now.


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

Yep.  Maybe she has to come to terms with the changes first?  Make sure that you don't take on 'any more' chores  .  Is your sister aware that you are keen to claim what your Mum is entitled to?

[purplenanny]

Totally agree with CLKD. Just don't give her the chance to argue..organise it and tell her. She will get used to it.
It will be so much nicer visiting when you want to and not just for chores
If she is entitled to extra care, why not take it   Give that sister of yours a kick where she needs it

[honeybun]

Trouble is my sister likes being in charge and this was not her idea but mine.

I broached the subject yesterday and told her that hubby and I were going to have a spring holiday and I wasn't happy leaving it all to her......thought that was subtle  ......She was surprised that I was thinking that way so I told her that hubby and I have decided life is way too short, our kids are mostly independent and we were not prepared to wait until after mother has gone. Oh that sounds terrible really. We really don't want not to be able to go when we want.

She really needs to get on with it though. I do get the feeling she will drag her feet though.


Honeyb
X

[Limpy]

HB - Does your Mum know how difficult it is for you and your sister at the moment?

[purplenanny]

How frustrating!
Please don't let your sister make you feel guilty.  You must continue being positive and stick to your guns
Let sister take on more duties then, she will soon change her mind when she has no life of her own. Does she have a husband/family?
You are enabling your Mum to remain in her home and if that means more help from carers then so be it.  I appreciate it is nicer having daughters but it is not fair on you
PN x x

[honeybun]

Dont think she gives it second thought and she is too unwell to take much in. Even when she is ok she takes it as her right as according to her we owe her 

Sis will be the one who has to tell her because she always does what sis tells her. If she talks to mum and tells her that she has decided that this would be best then it will be accepted....eventually.

Sis just needs to get on and sort it. Mother could be unwell for weeks. At her age you don't get over things quickly.

My sisters kids are well grown now. One 41 and the other 37. She does have a hubby and she looks after grandchildren 2 afternoons a week. She is going to make herself ill with all this running around.


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

If she 'makes herself ill' perhaps she will realise that she too needs to slow down.  It would be nice for you both, during your Mum's twilight years, to become daughters again rather than carers ……. so that you have nice memories rather than be worn out with rushing around to avoid the kicking and screaming 

[purplenanny]

Yes and when she falls ill with exhaustion more will land on you!

All the more reason to keep on until it's sorted 

[honeybun]

Just heard I'm in trouble again.....I suggested Complan as she is hardly eating. She says it has given her the runs and an upset tummy. Hubby was all over the place to get that this morning.....I give up 

I will update on the extra carers when I know.


Honeyb
X

[Joyce]

If you & your sister weren't relatively close by what would she do? I reckon she'd need carers in. I think there comes a point when enough becomes enough. I suspect your sister would feel guilty if she got carers in, hence dragging her feet over it. You are both going to end up ill at this rate. You yourself have had so much to deal with over the last 12 weeks, you don't need this too. 
We moved north before my mum got this way, my brother was relatively close by. Enough became enough for him & they then moved much further away so wasn't at her beck & call. She survived, though think probably plagued neighbours instead. Some 2/3 years later went into care home as no longer able to look after herself. Your mum, by the sounds of it, is no longer capable of looking after herself. If she can have more carers, make use of the service so you & your sister can get your lives back on track. 

[honeybun]

She now says she has been very sick....down to the Complan. She is getting to the point I think that she needs to be in a care home as she needs more attention than we can reasonably give.

Sis in her wisdom told her ages ago that would not happen. How on earth did she think that we could honour that. Although knowing my mother she would only go kicking and screaming.

Sis and I spoke tonight, in fact I had words with her hubby earlier, and he agrees that this just can't go on long term. I am more inclined to be a bit hard hearted but I have watched my mother over the years. I could as CLKD would say, write a book. Maybe this has hardened my heart a bit but I truly think the time is approaching and she needs to be somewhere with 24 hour care.
This constant worry about how she is when we are not with her is getting beyond a joke.


Honeyb
X

[bramble]

At least your BIL is on your side  ie seeing reason. Perhaps he will have more sway with your sister and persuade her to do something. It is either more in-house care or residential care that is required. I think  this infection should have been a wake-up call for your sister to step in and arrange more permanent care. Let's hope your BIL turns up trumps before the both of you get ill with exhaustion and worry.
Bramble