hey itsmejojo,
So loads of questions... I will do my best to answer from my own experiences but firstly

for me this forum has been a lifeline and I know it is for others as well. I have also found more info and experience here than I have ever found in the medical world and I trust what I learn here implicitly.
I will try to go down in order...So convential wisdom here and in the medical profession who have a bit of a clue what they are talking about (they do exist but are few and far between) say that it takes 3 months for an hrt regime to settle. It is not a quick process and you will get all sorts of things happening when you first start out - loads of things you won't have been told about and loads of things which are just unique to you and your own body and then things which most of us have here have experienced at one point or another.
Therefore in answer to your question - you did give up too early - perseverance is the key to start - 1 month is not even enough for your body to adjust. The mess you were in emotionally was because your body needed to adjust to the extra hormones - I would have put money on it that it was likely to settle if you persevered. I would not have suggested to go to 4 pumps after such a short period of time, but have stayed at 2 for at least 6 weeks before upping it one pump at a time every 3 weeks. It takes a while for the oestrogen levels to come up in the body - not a quick fix. It took me a whole 7 months to get rid of ALL the symptoms you describe for going onto hrt plus anxiety and irritability and panic attacks and agrophobia which WERE part of my menopause. It can work quicker for some but most of us it is more of the long haul!
Item 2 - perimenopause makes it extremely difficult to get the types of hormones and the regime to balance and it depends a what stage you are in it and what age as to how that goes. Your body is including your own hormones with those you are putting into it and those hormones will have their say as you go along.
In terms of starting your regime gell and utrogestan - gps like to start you on 1st of the month because it makes it easier to count and keep track of what happens on what days. It depends on what regime you want to do is when you take your Utrogestan. You can take it continuously and try to balance it against the gel the ideal being that you wont get bleed - usually more for post meno women because they dont have their own cycle like you do in peri which interferes with the balance. Remember you have your own cycle and hormones still which will interact with what ever level of hrt you put into your body.
This cycle/regime is a "continuous" regime and the aim is to control the bleed to a little as possible.
Option 2 if a "cycle or conti" regime where you introduce the utrogestan for a certain number of days and it effectively tricks your body into the cycle you want and the bleed happens when you want. Well that the theory anyway. I am 57 post meno and still do a cycle because I want bleed (reasons later as the answer to one of your questions). It is likely as you mention day 16 to start utrogestan that you would be going for 12 days at 200mg utrogestan and then a bleed cycle. So yes day 15 is actually the day. When you stop after 13/14 days (varies) then you may go a couple of days and bleed for 3/4/or 5 - depends.
Answer 4 - I have to use Utro vaginally - I am one of those women who is fairly sensitive to it. It can be taken orally and you may be able to tolerate it but until you try no one can say and you wont know. When taken orally its potency is diminished by going through the stomach and some women have problems because it needs to be processed by the liver. Your choice - depends how you react - trial and error again.
The reason why you bleed is your own cycle kicked in over the hrt because you hadn't had your hrt long enough to overide your own cycle and get a balance.
The level of gel for you depends on your body and is trial and error. One of the reasons women like separate oestrogen and progesterone is that they can play around with the levels themselves without having to go to the GP and get different doses of patches or pills prescribed when they need to go up or down.
So answer to question 1 - gps start at 2 pumps - I use 4 pumps for me and I do know a few women who need up to 6, thefore - "how much is too much" - the answer is "when it feels right for you and your symptoms are under control". I use my gell on my arms and legs alternately. Some women don't like to put it on the inner arms, they think it is too close to the boobs. I don't have a problem with either and bear in mind 4 pumps is a lot of gel!
Think that just about covers it for now - but I would definitely give it another go now you know more what to expect and the timeline. Keep posting and there will be loads of people here to answer your questions as you go along. There are no daft or stupid questions so ask away. Tell us all about what you are experincing and how you are feeling - there is nothing you could tell us about that someone on the forum doesnt know something about.
Ladybt28 xx