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[CLKD]

I haven't read all the replies.  Do get support from AA - there is a group across the UK for relatives/partners/children who have alcoholics in their family.  There are groups for teens too I believe?  You can speak with a group or a solicitor about the care of them if you don't want their father to be involved, however: do they have a relationship with them?  It is probably different to your view point.  Are they at an age that you can talk your fears and worries through with them?

As for sugar dips - do try to eat every 3 hours, 24/7.  That is spread out your daily intake over the 24 hours.  Also, have nibbles to hand: I use dried fruits and nuts, bananas, Dextrose tablets, porridge or a good quality muesli.  Try to eat B4 your body is hungry? 

You are cutting out certain foods because it means you maintain a semblance of control.  But your body will suffer and I expect that legally, you are aware of that.  However, panic isn't logical  .  Do you think that this stems from your Dad dying so suddenly, in that you need to have some control.  Logically you know that if you eat meat nothing bad will happen but it is hard to get out of that mindset!

You could consider contacting MIND, some areas have walk-in centres where they provide a cuppa and a listening ear.  There is also a nation-wide group: Cruise : run by bereaved people for bereaved people, you may find it helpful to contact them, though they do have a waiting list in some counties.

[Jeepers]

Hi,

Once again thank you for your support, it is really helping

Sparkle - I'm sorry to hear that you have sugar crashes too.  To be honest, I can remember having these before, I don't think they are new.  I had them when my kids were babies and/or I was pregnant. I will definitely keep a Freddo in my bag (and try not to scoff it unless needed !).

Sunshine - Yoga, yes, I would definitely recommend it.  It can be as tough or as easy as you make it, but it really helps with the anxiety. And of course helping to keep us more supple and stronger

DaisyDot I don't know what VA is, and I'm scare to find out.
 
Do you think I can contact a support group for families of alcoholics, even though I have been divorced for 8 years?  That said, when my Dad died, the Hospice offered bereavement counseling, and I wonder if that's still available? I don't know if there is a time limit on these things
 
Yes, HA is really dibiltating.  Today , I am obsessing about the pains in my toes.  I get a sort of burning sensation and
pins and needles.  I was dismayed to read on NHS website that this can be linked to diabetes.  I wobnder whether I should get checked again? Or is it just another Meno thing? I don't think I am high risk of diabetes.  I'm about 10 -14 pounds overweight, but other than that, I lead a healthy lifestyle.

 
My ankles were really aching last night as well. Soemtimes its my wrists.  I did have Carpal Tunnel syndrome when I was pregnant too,
so wondering whether it could be hormone related?

 I would like to go to the doctors, but I live in an area where it is nearly impossible to get a GP aoopintment, and a lot of surgeries have closed their books for new registrations, or only take people from certain postcodes.

 
I did look up Menopause clinics, and there is one based at the local hospital.   Don't know if it is private or linked to the NHS, and so would need a referral.  I'm going too try to find out.  My current surgery has really gone down hill.  There used to be 5 doctors, 2 female, but now there are only the three male doctors left.  They all seem to be grumpy, overworked and jaded, so they just want you in and out as soon as possible.  I have taken out private medical care, but most things still need a referral from them.

I will start a list of things I can do, and as you say Emerald w can't control everything, I need to keep telling myself.

Thank you all you  lovely ladies. Today is my Dads birthday, and its been hard, but coming here has given me some hope.

finally, has anyone tried Kalms?  If so, do they help?

Jeepers xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Jeepers]

Hi CKLD

I think you posted as I was typing my post.

My Dad was diagnosed with cancer, and six weeks later he died. We were with him when he died, and I think it has really knocked me for six.  I don't want to go into the details, but it was fairly traumatic, not at all like in the films. It may have a bearing, I don't really know.

As for my kids Dad, one of my daughters does, but the other has grown to see him for what he is.  Its very sad for her, but she now understands what I went through, and why I had to do what I did.  I can't tell her my worries, as she suffers from anxiety, probably as a result of the life we led when he was still around, and partly as she has a B12 deficiency.  So, I try to be strong and supportive for her. My other daughter sadly continues to be manipulated by him, but he is her Dad, and I respect her right to have a relationship with him.

I will check out some of the things you suggested, thank you so much 

[CLKD]

OK - don't be scared.  Knowledge is power ;-)

Vaginal atrophy threads are full of experience.  If you know what causes the symptoms: i.e. repeated urine infection-time feelings : you can deal with it.  Appropriate treatment may be necessary which your Practice Nurse or GP can advise you about.  Used every night for 2 weeks then as necessary means that the vagina keeps moist.  Dryness can cause itchiness ........... but treatment really can help. There are other preparations which other ladies can advise about.

Can your daughter access support for her anxiety?  Either via the GP, or by visiting a MIND walk-in Centre (details from your local web-site), or maybe looking at one of the various self-help groups on-line.  There are also groups for teens where they give support to each other.  Your Library or GP Surgery may well have details, if not Samaritans probably do.

The other daughter probably needs to work out her Dad for herself.  My view point on my Dad has altered as I have grown older, with more knowledge ..... what I forgot was that he and Mum had friends and a relationship prior to my arrival and they didn't leave those habits behind!

Be kind to you.  You have had a sudden bereavement and regardless of the relationship with the person who dies, it can be trumatic!  So much to say, so much left unsaid .........

[Jeepers]

Hi All

I will check out the VA, but I haven;t had any infections that I know about, ans not been itchy in that area.

My anxiety is really spiking at the moment, the reason is  a health one, but not Meno related.  Am I allowed to post about it here?  Or is it strictly Meno things?

Daughter has had her B12 injections, so I am hoping that she will feel better.  She did say she is going back to the GP,but I know she is already on anti anxiety meds.

I think the menopause clinic is definitely a private clinic, but I don't have the emotional energy to get in touch.  :-(

Thank you so much for all of the support, I am so, so grateful xx

[CLKD]

You can discuss anything here.  Maybe continue on this thread so that you don't get 'lost'

[Jeepers]

Hi,

thank you.

I had a skin check this week, and when I got the results they said that on lesion has some of the characteristics of a BCC, and I need to have further consultation with the view to having a biopsy. It  was a shock, and I am really scared about it.  I have managed to get an appointment through my health insurance for next week, so hopefully I can cope until then.  I am a pale freckly person, and like most people who grew up in the Seventies, had my fair share of getting burned.  I also went on holiday to Texas for about 10 years running.  Well, I can't change the past, so will have to hope that its not serious.

I have been reading a few threads, and have decided to implement a suggestion of keeping a food/mood/symptoms diary.  I haven't had any sugar crashes since I Stopped having one of those Naked Fruit smoothies and Naked date bar for lunch/afternoon snack.  I have switched to a protein based snack (with nuts), and just some water with a little fruit infusion.

I would like to contact Mind, as some of the thoughts I have are really weird.  For instance, I was in the shower and I thought if I inhaled the steam, it would poison my body.  Still can't look at meat.  What the hell is wrong with me?  I think I am turning into Howard Hughes.

My legs and feet still feel odd, all sorts of pains and aches.  And today I had a few shooting pains just above my groin, both sides, wondered if that was my ovaries

I also thought it might be nice to get a massage?

I have a tickly cough too, hope it goes away soon.


Jeepers xx

[Wendyshort]

Hi Jeepers, just wondering how you are doing?

[Jeepers]

Hi Wendy

Lovely to hear from you.  Well, my tickly throat has turned into a full blow cold, so feeling a bit rubbish.  I did a bit of reading about BCC, and according to the British Association of Dermatologists, and the NHS website, it is almost never life threatening.  So, that has lifted my spirits a bit.Hopefully, it wont even be a BCC, but something else.

Feeling achy all over, so not sure whats Meno and whats cold now.  Had a few sharp pains in my chest last night, which didn't help my HA.

I have read quite a lot about HRT, but quite honestly, I don't think my Health Anxiety would allow me to do it.  I feel like a totally weak coward saying that, but the Anxiety can be crippling, and spirals quickly to something totally irrational.

How is the driving going Wendy?  One thing I find makes driving a bit easier , is listening to an Audio book (only really works on longer journeys).  It makes the time go quickly, and you become more absorbed in the story than being worried.  I don;t find it so distracting that it affects my driving, on a few occasions I have had to re-listen to something, if I have needed to concentrate more on the driving, like at a complicated and busy junction.

Jeepers x

[CLKD]

So Jeepers - maybe get your GP to give you an anti-anxiety medication?  For years I have taken a betablocka at night to ease those early morning surges as well as having an emergency anti-anxiety pill as necessary. For years I used Valium 10mg evenings prior to an event I couldn't get out of, even 4 visiting family.  Knowing that it worked; and knowing that I could take an extra dose the next morning or mid-day, meant that I never required it.  Same as the drug I have to hand these days, it works within 25-40 min.s of anxiety striking.  I know it works.  I don't have to take any extra.  It either relaxes me or knocks me out completely.

For a few years I found that deep breathing did help.  Some people find yoga really useful.  4 me it was finding time 2 practice  .

[CLKD]

Be kind to yourself too.  Grief takes it's own path and there is no time limit.   

[Paloma]

Hi Jeepers, I'm new here today but have just read your thread from the beginning and can relate to a lot of what you've said. It sounds a lot like your grief and the way you lost your dad has taken your health anxiety and stress levels to a new high. This happened to me after I lost my mum many years ago and later on when my dad died. It does feel like your thoughts are spiralling out of control, you can think the silliest of things and wonder if you are going completely mad. But you're not, it will most likely be your oversensitised nerves and mind after everything that has gone on. This can also manifest itself in a physical way so that you get pains all over your body that then cause you to worry about your health even more. If you are having menopausal symptoms on top of all this then you are getting a double whammy bless you.

I do think you will still be able to get grief counselling at this point so it is worth looking into. Doing yoga will definitely help as will relaxation techniques on a daily basis as they will get your stress levels down. A book that really started me on the road to recovery was Peace to nervous suffering by Claire Weekes which I also believe is available as an audio book. It makes you realise that all that you are thinking/feeling is completely normal under the circumstances and that you can, with time and help, recover.

I am sorry that you are experiencing all of this as I know how evil and debilitating health anxiety and stress can be.

It won't hurt to try Kalms btw, they did help me along with relaxation and counselling. Most of all, be kind to yourself and try not to feel guilty over your dad. I felt exactly like that after losing my dad to cancer (also a traumatic end to witness) and I've since realised that it's a normal part of the grieving process.

Hugs xx

[CLKD]

CRUSE have groups in most areas; bereaved helping the bereaved.  Do contact your local group as many have long lists.

Anxiety can be over-whelming 4 me  . 

[Wendyshort]

Hi Jeepers,
The tone of your last post makes me think you might be feeling a little bit brighter? If so, that's great.
Thanks for the tips about driving, I will try an audio book. I have a refresher driving lesson booked soon, so hoping that will give me a boost.

[Jeepers]

Hi all

Thanks for all of your messages

CLKD - I was really interested in the fact that you take beta blockers for Anxiety, and I looked it up on the NHS website (I never google health things, as it can be a trigger).  I thought they were only for people with heart conditions.  It doesn't list any risks either (just a few side effects, not particularly serious it looks like).  And on Friday, I am going to contact the Hospice to see if I can have some bereavement counseling, as it was offered. That will be after my skin consultation, which is at the private hospital right next door to the hospice. thank you for all your advice.

I know exactly what you mean about anxiety being overwhelming, so sorry to hear you feel like that too

Paloma -- I am so sorry to hear about you losing your parents, it is not anything that you can be prepared for is it?  And the end is so emblazoned in my mind, I try to remember my Dad before he  became ill, and crowd out those terrible, traumatic last hours, but its hard.

Wendy -- I think I am coping a little better, I am very up and down.  I have managed to put the BCC thing to the back of my mind, and tell myself, what will be will be.  I am not too good at it yet, but I am trying.  I feel very isolated at times, as I live on my own. 

Very selfishly, I was somewhat elated yesterday, as my younger daughter has intimated that she wants to come home for a year as she will graduate this year, and wants to get a job and save up (I told her she could live with me "free" as long as she IS saving). Is that bad of me?  I always try not to lean on my children, that's not their job, but just having her around will help take my focus elsewhere. 

Still got this rotten cold too.  Lots of aches and pains!