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[Taz2]

I think it depends on the type of breast cancer your mother had and at what age she was diagnosed i.e. before 50 is seen to put you more at risk I think. There is info about risk factors for breast cancer on this site http://www.breakthrough.org.uk/breast_cancer/breast_cancer_facts/risk_factors_general_information/index.html

Taz x

[CLKD]

Should be up to date  -  they are the foremost UK-based charity.  Have a look at the web-site then send an e-mail?  Or send an e-mail to Dr Curry?  The more information you have the more informed choices you can make.

I was prescribed Tamoxifin which nearly killed me  ........... a friend took it without problems but developed cancer of the womb which was a known risk.  It's swings and roundabouts 

[Bibby]

Well I have taken the HRT for a few weeks.  I took the view that if I couldn't find anything against the one I was on, I would give it a chance.  But I have put on a lot of weight and have sore boobs all the time.  Having had 2 months of it, I might try living without it and see how that goes.

[Suzi Q]

I dont really comment on HRT cos I know nothing abut it did it all cold turkey early menopause late 30s
You know your own body oyu must do what you feel is right IM sending you a huge hug xxxxxxxx

[Bibby]

Boobs took 3 days to settle down.  Weight is not going down.  But we have guests, so its tricky to diet.  Will get back to that in a few days.  I stopped having periods 2 years ago, so I am assuming my ovaries were no longer giving me anything I need (but I might be wrong there).  I decided to take the HRT because I read it protected the bones, and other benefits.  But I have decided to stop and hope my body will go back to the way it was.  Yes I had hot flushes, but they were not bad and I suppose I will now find out IF the ovaries WERE still giving me something.  Havent had a flush yet, early days.  Will have to see.  Overall, feeling absolutely great. 

Thanks for the huge hug Suzi Q.  Wow, to be menopausal in your 30's!!!!  Nightmare, I imagine.  Was that a norm in your family??

[Suzi Q]

YES MUM went over late 30s bother her sisters and we found out that their Dads sisters were the same
I was 36/7 when it started last period Aug 1994 in England visisting my brother 42
At 37 I was very sick for 9mnths with the dizzies had brain scans etc coudnt find anythg wrong
Knowne took a Blood test? When it started I knew what it was and I never went near a GP till Feb 1995
Went through the lot cold turkey got Stemital for the dizzies but that was that
It was hard I had terrible rages and deep sadness thought my life was over had flushes the lot
I finally went cos we tried to make love and no entry possible had tests found I was postmeno
I didnt take HRT I took the MINI PILL and HRT cream Orthogynest that stopped working after 2 years and ws messy
So I went on Ovestin and the mini pill it took till 2008 for it to fail  and atrophy set in BADLY then I found this site
Came off mini pill and Ovestin and was put on Vagifem Valentines day 2010 since then a few blips but mainly OK
Did a 10 day reload in December as I could feel some Atrophic symptoms returning Im only 59 in June Im scared
Cos there wil come a day when I will have to come off it then what? The pain of Atrophy is so much more than just sex
If you want to come off HRT and  no periods could this be a solution for you The MINI pill and HRT cream internaly?

[Bibby]

Hi, how are you now Suzi?  Have you found there's been any changes since we last 'spoke'?  I am chugging along.  I can go into some very dark places mentally and sometimes feel pretty vicious.  I am on a diet where I am trying to eat as much wholefoods as I can.  I have lost weight and inches but could do better but I am happy with what I have achieved so far.  I am not taking any specific meds for how I feel.  I suspect it is in my hands and I am puddling about trying to find a way of dealing with it. 

I know we are all different but how would you react to this being said about you (in front of you) by your husband, to the woman behind the counter in the bank..... "She's no good with money.  As long as she has 200TL in her purse she's happy"  or "She's like the Queen, never handles cash, just relies on my credit card"  -this old chestnut makes regular appearances and its gone beyond being offensive.  He thinks its funny.  I think its insulting and offensive.  So, are hormones (or something) robbing me of a sense of humour or is my DH being an insensitive oaf???

I should add that when I tell him I think he is out of order to talk like that, he huffs and puffs as if I am being unreasonable.  But I object being the butt of his 'jokes'.  I am not sure if they make me look bad or him.  I suspect it depends on who's present.

[CLKD]

He's showing off!  I would walk away if you have pointed out how his comments make you feel.  No eye contact.  No muttering.  Walk away like you would from a badly behaved pooch ;-).  How's your relationship otherwise?

[Bibby]

I have spent many years sulking when he hurts my feelings.  But I have changed and now I tell him its not on.  He gets upset.  I hope he has learnt (but don't really believe it), then he does it again.  We've been together since 1969.  He wasnt like it then, its evolved over the years, as have I.  To give an insight, he constantly tells me he loves me and how gorgeous I am.  he always wants cuddles.  he just likes being the funny man in front of other people.  it's like he loses his head.  I wonder if I should shrug it off, but there is a thread of him treating me like I am a bit simple even when we are alone, and when I pull him up on it, he says "I cant even have a discussion with you", no he can't if he's going to tell me things he should know I know, talking to me in words of one syllable, often actually repeating things I have just told him!! 

It's massively difficult to explain how things 'work' in a relationship.  All I know is that at my age, hormonal level (or whatever) I have a short fuse, a bad temper, I now clench my jaws to the point of making my front teeth ache, -and that's been going on for a year.  I adore the bloke.  He's a kind, soft, intelligent man who is totally un-sensitive and you can't be subtle with him, he just doesn't take hints.  In fact he doesn't take something stronger than a hint.  But if I really lay it on the line, he gets upset, puffs and blows and then I feel bad because he's upset (not that he knows I feel bad),  it would be amusing it if wasn't so exasperating.  He's like a big gallumpy waggy dog.  Bit he does like to get his own way.  he does it in a non confrontational way and plenty of 'kissy-kissy".

If I grin and bear his 'comedy' when we are out, I look like a prat (a doormat).  if I get angry, I look like a cow.  I honestly don't know how people view the entertainment.  Even talking about it opens it up for misinterpretations.  its just a rotten.  I feel we are like a two piece jig saw mostly, but I can also see that my piece of the jig saw is sort of wanting to kick the other piece of jig saw away.

I dont suppose this makes sense.

[Mbrown001]

You need to come up with some witty put downs. If you make him feel silly...but not in a cruel way...then he will likely stop his nonsense.
He actually sounds like a really nice man and let's be honest....men are great at opening their mouths and letting their stomach rumble.
I would perfect a couple of things to say accompanied by the eye roll as if to say....oh what a numpty.

My hubby and I often have a bit of banter at check outs. He wanders away to look at newspapers and always manages to turn up just as I'm paying. There is sometimes some kind of daft comment about moths in his wallet....doesn't matter that it's a joint account.
I feel from the rest of the things you have said about your hubby is that he means no harm at all.

Sorry if I'm wrong .....do I need to duck. 

Just one other thought. I am so much more sensitive to supposed slights these days. I'm sure it's hormonal but sometimes my hubby of over 30 years doesn't know from one day to the next when I'm going to take offence. There is something about meno....changing bodies....changing feelings ...that can cause offence when before it just wouldn't.

[Bibby]

I am pretty certain you are right that he doesn't mean any harm.  He is a very gentle soul, but I have a pineapple jammed in my heart at the moment and it bloody hurts, so anything he says hits home.  *sigh*  Thanks for being ears for me.  I think I need a good night's sleep (cant sleep), a good cry, and a punch bag.

Decades ago the banter was amusing for me.  I am just over sensitive now.

[CLKD]

Has he been diagnosed with Aspergers?

[Ju Ju]

My DH is lovely, but he used to make comments about in front of me to the children that upset me. Apparently I was being over sensitive because I got upset. When the children were younger they joined in, but my son took us both to task when he was older. Me for allowing him to get away with it and him for unacceptable behaviour! DH and I had a good talk after this. I really think he had no idea how unacceptable it was or how hurtful. He was showing off. I didn't attack him, but explained when he said certain things, then I felt undermined and hurt and doubted how much he cared for me. I felt it showed he didn't respect me as I deserved.

With age, I do feel I have value and worth now and would not tolerate any kind of what is actually low level abuse. DH has grown up too and understands how hurtful words can be. By the way, my Dad, a very quiet man who obviously loves my Mum, used to do this with my Mum, when I came home. It was most definitely showing off.

I'm afraid it's up to you to tell him how his jokes make you feel, but only when you are both calm and comfortable. You won't get anywhere if you tackle him in anger or criticise him, for he may well become defensive. It's worth a try. If it doesn't work, then walking away when he starts is your only option. Or dare I say it, give him a taste of his own medicine?

[Bibby]

No, he's not been diagnosed with anything like that, but he's never been checked.  I really doubt he has anything like that though.  I worked with someone with Aspergers, so I think I would spot it.  But who knows...

Ju ju, i really enjoyed reading your reply.  I never experienced this when our sons were smaller.  But i do take your point about talking to him when I am calm.  I did try this recently, but it clearly didn't sink in...  To speak calmly to him is tricky because it is almost impossible for me to get him to take onboard that I am upset.  If I am more forceful, he then starts huffing like a 12 year old, I see red and I shut up and clench my teeth.  When he was young (actually all his life), he saw how his Dad was ruled by his wife.  I know my husband is proud of me.  He tells me so, and often.  But I think there is a little voice in his head telling him that he will be the boss (in a gentle way).  He reserves the right to be the controller.  He does it in various ways and when I was younger I didnt see it.  I do now and I am quickly annoyed by it.

Can I say how much I appreciate your replies.  I was so worried you would condemn him outright and its not that simple.  I am glad you appreciate this, sometimes from your own experiences.  He is sitting by me as I type, telling me he loves me.  i will have to talk to him.  Not now.  I need to get my head round what I want to say and be in a good place too.  As it is, because I hang on to resentments and want to hurt him like he hurts me with his comments, I push him away, I build a barrier.  Its got to be sorted.

[Annie0710]

I was married for 17 years to a guy who belittled me in public and in front of my children and family, and his target was that I'd ' majorly stretched' down below after 4 vaginal births, and he couldn't feel a thing anymore.  If I retaliated I got more abuse.  As I was walking out on him he asked what he'd done wrong and I explained and he said he'd said all that so men wouldn't want me, total bull because my children and family would hear it

I can cope with mocking in general but not when it gets personal