Bibby, reading between the lines, when you met him he wanted to impress you, was proud to be seen with you on his arm. It seems to me, and I'm no psychological expert, that your DH is scared that he is no longer 'one of the lads'. He knows exactly what he is doing and you are his verbal punch bag. I fear that until he actually grows up his behaviour won't change. Are you living in an area where men are taught from a young age that it's alright to treat their wives as 2nd class citizens? Do you have family of your own nearby? If you took your children and walked out for a period of time, could you go and stay with them? I am trying to think of ways that will give you protection and safety, whilst hopefully getting the message through to his brain that his behaviour is unacceptable and you are no longer prepared to be used in this manner.
I speak as having a friend who was in a similar position, although without children. She confided in me. Off went her OH to prove he's still the 'big man' in front of all his mates. He chose the same pub, by chance, that I had taken her out for a drink in. She needed to be away from the home environment to be able to talk freely. At home even without him there, she felt she could not talk. Anyway, we got to the pub first. Later in came OH and gang of mates. He started mouthing off, belittling her almost to the verge of tears, hers not his. He was being 'big, clever etc', so he thought. Then he turned on me. I won't say exactly what his words were, suffice to say they carried deep sexual references. I quietly got up, walked over and stood him front of him. Then I asked him to repeat his words, like the prize idiot he was, he repeated them. Before he knew it, he was on the floor and I brought 4 inch heels down on a somewhat tender part of his anatomy, whilst pouring his pint of beer over his head. For a few seconds his mates were silent, then one at a time they looked very sheepish and slunk away. He was in a fair amount of discomfort, but still the message refused to sink in. He began abusing his wife again, threatening to throttle her. I dropped to one knee, put a choke hold on him and asked very gently if he wanted to the throttled. Apparently he didn't. Then 2 Royal Marines, who were out for a drink, wandered over and asked if they could carry him outside. I released my hold and off he went, one RM on either side. I have no idea what happened outside and I had no intentions of finding out. Once he knew his wife had friends who were prepared to stand up to him, supporting her when she told him enough was enough and if he EVER behaved in that manner again, whether in public or in private, he would find his belongings out in the gutter and he could follow them, he never treated her in that way again. His 'mates' had disappeared, his wife stood up to him and his family saw him for what he really was, a coward and a bully. Do you have friends who would be able to give you that moral support?
Oh Annie, what a piece of ............. your ex was. No doubt he thought he was a gift to women in that department. Wonder what he'd have said if his 'manhood' and performance had been treated in the same manner. Thank goodness you found the courage and the strength to walk away from him and he could no longer bully you and set such a disgusting example for his children to copy. I am sure your children are a massive credit to YOU. Have you found someone who treats you as you should be treated or have you been wary of meeting any one else?
Right, I'll go and watch the tennis properly. Looks like there could be a real 'changing of the guard' this year.
