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[Bibby]

I am feeling sorry for myself.  I know I am my harshest critic.  I know I am over sensitive and self obsessed.  Today has been a bit of a wind up and when I asked for help, the person I asked was nice to me but talked about me in less than kind terms on Facebook and I spotted it.  I feel I overpower people with the intensity of my thoughts.  I think too much and if I express my thoughts, I imagine it must be a bit of an explosion.  I did try to get oil of evening primrose or starflower oil, but I live in Turkey and they didnt know what I meant.  I need to try a different chemist.  I think I need to take up kick boxingf.  I feel like crying.  I feel like I am losing my marbles.  Notice how many times I used 'I'? 

[Suzi Q]

Because your concentrating on you as in I
OK maybe you are a boit overpowering I dont know you
But you think you are so maybe breath a bit harder maybe stop beforte you write anything or
Do what I do write read and then edit
But the person who wrote about you on facebook isnt very nice and not to be trusted
If you want to cry liove cry OK maybe you should see a GP about may ads you help you make life happier for you
Love Suzi Q

[Bibby]

Thanks Suzi.  I think I explode verbally because it all builds up inside me.  I had a bad day yesterday.  I had to rant.  I didnt sleep, I went to bed at about 2am and was up again at 4 after laying wet eyed with head full of bad thoughts.  Maybe I could see the GP, don't know how clued up he is on menopaus, I doubt I will be offered HRT and even if I was, I would worry about taking it as my mother died of breast cancer.....

[Suzi Q]

OK you dont have to take HRT if you dont want to
Theres Ovestin cream Orthogynest and vagifem
Im pretty sure GP will give you thats to help even if cancere but check anyway
The ADS will help you cope get over this it too doesnt have to be long term just a few months
But please go dark thoughts are BAD and remember what Basil said to Manuel Depression is a bad thing
Nothing is all meno oyu may have felt like this before but maybe being younger etc you coped I  dont know?
But do go see chat dont be a Biully No Mates and as for the person bin her OK

[catweazle]

Hi Bibby

It was horribly two faced of your 'friend' to stab you in the back like that.  Menopause can make us become more self absorbed as symptoms can be quite overwhelming.

I find exercise very good for releasing pent up frustration. I often go for long brisk walks. It helps burn off any excess adrenaline. Have you anyone you can trust who you could sound off to? Just to get things off your chest might help, as bottling stuff up is no good (I speak from experience here!).

Have you tried self hypnosis CDs for relaxation? I have a few titles by Glenn Harrold and used to use them a lot when I was in the thick of peri. I found them really helpful. You can get them from amazon.

Catweazle x

[Bibby]

Update, turns out she wasnt referring to me.  So I got extra wound up and hurt over nothing.  Yesterday was a BAD day.  I had a really long walk with one of our dogs. The day was sunny and the scenery was beautiful but I had a gremlin perched on my shoulder and I just felt bad.  Add to that the dog decided to not be very nice to a couple of dogs (she was fine with others), I felt very humiliated especially as one dog was actually a cute puppy only approaching to be friendly.  The owner didn't take kindly to her barking.  The person I approached for help is a dog trainer and she was great and I know I was typing a lot to her but I wanted her to understand the dogs history to get the full picture.  When I read her comments on Facebook, I thought she was saying I didnt understand her and that I was thick.  But actually she had had trouble with a curtain making company.  So.....  Thanks for the suggestion of the CD's, I will look into that.  I have a friend who does yoga and meditation.  I am not sure the yoga will be possible seeing as my knees are a bit delicate, plus hip.  I certainly feel I need something.  I am thinking clearer today.  I know I am not strong enough (in will) and I allow others to derail me  (including my husband).   It will be a hard habit to break (habit of a lifetime).

[lady57]

Hello Bibby (Lynne), I can relate to a lot of what you say as about 10 years ago i felt the same and i do think a lot of it is to do with hormonal changes as the menopause kicks in. I too was over analytical, self obsessed and over sensitive bordering on paranoia (like when you thought the dog trainer was talking about you) i must have driven my family mad at times. I can also remember lying awake and crying but not knowing why. I did visit my GP and was tried prozac and also a couple of HRT patches but didn't really help i also had some counselling but i seemed to be stuck in a loop. Looking back things seemed to start to change for me mentally about 2 years ago i started to get hot flushes and i think that is when perimenopause ended and post meno started. The flushes are not nice and for a couple of years i had a lot but they have calmed down a bit now and i use vaginal oestrogen for dryness and atrophy so that might also help a bit.

I guess what i am trying to tell you is that you are not the only lady to feel this way and although it is confusing and dark that it seems to be a process that comes to a conclusion, some ladies take longer than others. Do not be shy or embarassed to talk to your doctor and i sincerely hope that you can find one to understand and help you meanwhile this forum and the ladies here offer huge support and advice as i have found.

[Bibby]

Oh Jane, that's a lovely message.  It's good to know someone understands  what is going on in my head at the mo.  This follows two nasty headaches this week.  I am in the hot flush phase, and have been so for a couple of years.  They're not too bad and I don't mind them.  I live in Turkey and if I see the doctor, it wont be an easy conversation (they tend to deal more with colds and the like), but if he can sense sadness, tension and intense anger then he will be on the right track.  He may refer me to the hospital, that's the way it is here, for specialist things.  I have established this morning that Evening Primrose Oil IS available here and am hoping a friend can get some from her chemist because she has bought it from him.  I tried to get it in Izmir and failed.

I feel sorry for those around me because I am sure I come across as a bit unhinged.  And I know my husband has a nightmare with me because he can almost do no right.  If I said I fear the future, dread what would happen if he dies before me and other extreme thoughts of that ilk while finding him exasperating and suffocating.  Its all madness.  I will try the Evening Primrose Oil and if that doesn't iron me out, I will take myself off to the Doctor.  I tell myself "Chins up girl", chins up......

[lady57]

Lynne (can i call you Lynne) i have used st john's wort successfully for a number of years it can help with mild to moderate depression as it levels out your emotions and feelings. You have to be careful as it can interfere with some other medications even though it is a herbal preparation so you need to check with a Dr or pharmacist if you are taking other meds and you can't take it with anti depressants but when i came off the prozac i felt it just gave me something to level me out and now i just have a low dose every other day.

[Elena]

Lynne I can empathise with you too over the feelings of depression and of paranoia.  It must be so difficult being in a foreign country.  How do you cope with that?  Are  you part of a UK community out there?  I cant begin to imagine.

It does sound as though anti depressants might help you .  I also use a meditation cd to calm me down.  Yu obviously go out walking with your dog so that's great.  I find if I get absorbed in something it takes my mind off all the carp.  But when you are so tired because of lack of sleep its impossible to feel absorbed isnt it? you just want sleep

[CLKD]

You don't have to worry about being self absorbed.  If we weren't we wouldn't survive, think of a baby: he/she cries instantly in order to be nurtured.

When I was obsessed due to acute anxiety I thought of nothing else except me.  It was only later when i realised how I might have come over to others.   

Keeping a journal where I could rant, rant, rant helped - when I read it before shredding the pages 5 years later, well, had anyone else read it the big yellow van would have been sent for  .  But it helped at the time to get the anger out of my head and body.

Yoga can help.  It isn't all about bending into strange positions but will help calm the mind, enable the person who practises yoga and can be used in many situations.  It means that the person takes time 'out', 'me time' if you like.  I used relaxation tapes  but would usually fall asleep whilst listening to them with a cat on my lap.   

One eventually has to take charge of one's own situation but it is useful to have people around who can ease the symptoms, by listening, making a cuppa, sitting quietly to keep the sufferer company.  It is better not to use friends for this but a professional.

[Bibby]

Hi Milliemoo, it would be near impossible for me to properly explain what living here means.  I don't regret coming here and find the 'differentness' of the life absolutely amazing, that and the scenery.  Yes I miss our sons and spend varying amounts of time with them on the internet.  There is an Expat community and I have made various friends but we dont involve ourselves in propping up bars and joining groups because it can be suffocating and bitchy and in my frame of mind...-NO THANKS.  Our neighbours are all Turkish and lovely welcoming people.

To move abroad was a dream we have had for many years and nowhere is perfect.  We retired early and followed our dream spurred on by the fat the job was causing him high blood pressure and his best friend died of cancer one week before he could celebrate his 60th birthday.  So we seized the day and moved here.  I suppose 2/3 of this life here is glorious and 1/3 is not so good, but not terrible, by any means.  Glorious means scenery, culture, food, nature (we live in the country) and weather (sun in summer and some sun in winter interspersed by the most amazing thunder storms in the mouintains around us. Maybe one of the biggest challenges is to be together 24/7, but that can happen when you retire in the UK too, eh   The difference is, we can spend so much more time outdoors here.  I do take myself off to get some space.  I do wish my husband would do something other than gardening.  I know he enjoys pottering, but it doesn't stimulate his brain and I think he needs that, sometimes I worry about his logic and it frightens/exasperates me.  Mind you, he can play word games with friends on the computer and more often than not, absolutely thrashes them.  I wish we could buy nice presents for our sons, I hope they understand, but that isn't the point.  I just WANT to be able to have the pleasure of buying them nice things.  But with the financial climate, we just can't do it   We moved here just as things took a financial downward turn worldwide.... Ho hum.

[Bibby]

CKLD, I totally agree with what you have said.  I think I will have to do something proactive in new year before this self loathing consumes me.  I was thinking I need put pen to paper (or keyboard).  When santa brings me the laptop, I will set up a 'Rant File'.  If necessary I will print some off and then shred it, just to hear the therapeutic sound of the lunacy being destroyed.  Sadly I dont believe there are professionals here who will listen to me disgorge myself.  I take your point re friends.  They have better things to do with their life and besides, if I were to be completely candid, the relationship with them would never be the same again.

Thank you, thank you all.  I still feel tearful, but much more calm.  It means such a lot, really it does.

[CLKD]

"they have better things to do" - not necessarily!  Don't beat yourself: or them: up. Friendship is often not suitable as a counselling relationship.  Counsellors are paid and educated to do a specific job.  Friends are .......... not.  The times I had to rely on others always came to an end: the "phone/drop by when ever you want to" soon became wearying for those who made the suggestion    ......... they may have meant the 'phone/drop by' but when I required a lot of access to help me through, it became an inconvenience to them.

Could your sons not have a travel ticket to visit with you in the Spring?  (I can't remember where you are, please remind me?)

As for your husband, is he content? That can be such a relief after being in a high pressured working environment.  After retiring 19 months ago my husband sat; reading; dozing; did virtually nowt, in fact we shut away the World for nearly 8 months.     He gradually picked up what he wanted to do  .  I would love to be able to do nothing else but garden ;-).  His mind may well be active whilst he is pottering, I know mine is 

[Bibby]

When we moved here five years ago, we thought it would be great for our sons to have cheap holidays.  But the flights aren't so cheap now and some airlines are no more.  Our middle son is coming for two weeks over Christmas and our youngest was over in May. 

Yes I know exactly what you mean about friends.  They are only human, eh! 

My husband is super content.  He spends hours in the garden or reading.  He had a high pressure job for many years and it was freaking me out that he might not live to see his retirement.  So, we took the decision to retire early.  Life is very good, an easy pace and very much a life where you take time to "smell the flowers" and "count our blessings".  I just wish I wasn't so down sometimes.  But I think I will make some changes in the new year, once the festivities are over.