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[Losingtheplot]

I’m so sorry for the pain you’re in. It’s numbing. Virtual hand holding and sending love your way. I know it’s not much, but heartfelt xx

Thank you x

[Losingtheplot]

Morning.  Does it matter if we need to take our medication regime for a long time?  Would we worry if it were heart or diabetic meds.?

I am happy to take any meds or HRT that helps me for as long as I need.Its just taking such a long time for things to settle which can be the case for hormones and mental health issues.
I regret stopping my Ad's in June when I have had so many relapses when I have done this in the past.
I won't be making that mistake again. For the past 2.5 years that I was on them and the HRT my life was great. I was just on 20mg a day but it allowed me live.
I should of realised that another dip like this could happen and from what I recall this appears more dark than the last peri related one age 47. Just with the intrusive thoughts.

[Losingtheplot]

Hiya! I hope you're ok today. It sounds like you're starting to feel a wee bit better. Just keep celebrating the small wins at this stage. It sounds like you've been through similar phases before so you know how to do this even if it's a bigger hill to climb this time round.



You sound  like a really caring, empathetic parent which is all a kid can hope for. Try not to sweat it with the kid, this is one of those brief times when you need to he a bit "selfish," or to use a better term realistic, about how much you have to give. Remember we put our oxygen masks on first, before kids, in an emergency and this is an emergency right now! It's ok to just focus on yourself and let the kiddo know you love them but it's mummy time right now.

You are doing everything right, you've been strong enough to ask for help, you're focused on trying to eat well and get out for those dog walks, you're working on the meds. Take each day as it comes, be patient and kind to yourself, celebrate each little win. You're really unwell right now and deserve some grace.

One thing I want to say at the risk of throwing another spanner in the world is have you ever been assessed for AuDHD? Your pattern of struggling with your mental health and 'burning out' during menopause along with a few other things you mention sound quite like my own journey. ... Just diagnosed with AuDHD at 46. It might be worth looking into when you have a bit more  headspace to do so. 

You got this.

Thank you for the kind words xxxx

I have a history of anxiety and depression which stems back to my childhood. I am a v sensitive person too. I have always found life difficult and the trauma in childhood has followed me into adulthood.

I get overwhelmed easily and find that when too much is happening at once I am unable to cope. This starts the anxiety off and then can lead to depression if I don't deal with issues quick e.g Ad's.

With the above and then also the onset of peri/meno my body is not coping. My dad has Bipolar and Szichsophrena (can't spell it). Maybe its in the genes. My brother suffers depression too.

I appreciate your advice about ADHD, however I do not feel I have that. Pleased that you got the right diagnosis and help.

I will get some trauma counselling and I do accept all that happened but to have 17 years of trauma and expect to live normal life is unrealistic.

I don't dwell on the past however I just let issues and problems consume me to the extent it affects my mental health.

[Losingtheplot]

Well, the morning dread and fear has calmed down for past few days apart from this morning I could feel my brain going into overdrive! I kept telling myself "I am safe", "Everything is ok". I then put one hand on my stomach and one on my chest and did some breathing 4 in hold for 2 and out for 6 slowly. After several rounds I felt calmer. I am still feeling very overwhelmed daily and worn out with it all. I have been fighting a cold and cough for past few days which is making me feel worse.
2 weeks of sicknote left. Blood tests tomorrow. Just have to keep going....

[Kathleen]

Hello again Losingtheplot.

I am glad that you are finding ways to calm yourself, every little helps as they say.

Hopefully your blood tests will provide some answers and please keep us updated.

Wishing you well and sending hugs.

K.

[Losingtheplot]

Hello again Losingtheplot.

I am glad that you are finding ways to calm yourself, every little helps as they say.

Hopefully your blood tests will provide some answers and please keep us updated.

Wishing you well and sending hugs.

K.

Hi Kathleen,

Thank you xxx.

Will keep you informed x

[Losingtheplot]

Still having some thoughts i don't want to be here, but know that's not an option.

[Losingtheplot]

Well, I actually feel like I am turning a corner. The doom and gloom feeling is lifting! I can see a lot more of the light at the end of the tunnel. Really didn't think I would get to this point. I can't express the words at how happy and relieved I am to be out of that awful dark scary place.
I feel the combination of Ad's and increased HRT appear to have been the right combination for me. I do think as I have a history of anxiety and depression when my hormones are low it affects me v v badly.
I will not be giving the Ad's up again, dosage can be decreased and increased as and when required but I am not going thru this again.
I am.also putting myself forward for EMDR therapy for childhood trauma. I know there will be a big waiting list as its on the NHS, however atleast the ball will start rolling. I know my anxiety and depression aside from the hormonal.element does also stem from this trauma.

[Losingtheplot]

Am still struggling mentally, somethings have improved the panic attacks, although I still feel so overwhelmed at doing lots of things. 
I am still off work due to ring my manager today. Don't feel ready to go back yet.
Have fit note till end of this month.
Should I just go back?? What if I am like this in another 2 weeks. I have to go back to work at some point.
I know we are still v short staffed so thats adding to my anxiety as I don't feel I can cope with additional pressure at the min.

The situation at work won't change for a while and has been ongoing for a long time now.

I am so fed up and dont know what to do for the best.

I have a review with the Gp on Monday to discuss the increased dosage of Fluoxetine I started 2 weeks ago.

[Losingtheplot]

Well I feel so alone, sick of feeling I can't cope with life. Baby steps I guess. GPs on Monday

[CLKD]

Morning.  The brain may take a while to uptake an AD regime.  Set backs can feel worse than the original depression and anxiety.  The "oh no not again".  Sooo disappointing!  4 me it's take to my bed or sofa and doze until the medication kicks in.

Since 1989 I've known what my brain requires, earlier in the year I found myself going into a deep depression so got an emergency appt with my GP who advised increasing my ADs by 5mg.  It has helped a lot. 

[Losingtheplot]

Yes, I understand it takes time. I am reluctant to want to change the Ad's as I do feel the Fluoxteine has helped.

Just not as much as I had hoped. The Gp review is to discuss if the Ad's have helped.

I think I may need to give them longer, has been 5 weeks.

I am going to ask to be referred for EMDR therapy when I have my assessment on Wed. This time I will answer the phone as I couldn't face it the last time.

Anxiety and depression is awful anyway without menopause adding to it.

Not sure if the GP will give me anything else to take on top. Think I will need to take more time off work too as I have a stressful job and need to feel better before I consider returning. I feel so guilty though and my friends have told me to put myself first.

I know they are right and I will struggle if I go back too soon.

I am so confused 😕

[CLKD]

Don't change to another AD yet because the brain needs to heal with what U R taking.

For anxiety I have been prescribed Valium as necessary; I've found Bachs flower remedy mouth spray useful; I have an emergency go-to anti-anxiety tablet for when I'm floored by it.

Don't plan any further than half a day at a time!  How is your sleep pattern?

[Losingtheplot]

Yes, I won't change the Ad.

Sleep is ok luckily. I think I am just so exhausted from the adrenaline rush and energy I use up during the day worrying and fretting that come the night I am drained.

I know its good days and bad days just need more good than bad.

I am juggling a few tasks at the min too which are adding pressure.

I have zero motivation but am forcing myself to do things e.g food shop today.

I am not panicking at the thought of driving anymore.

I might look at increasing HRT at the 3 month mark as I do get lightheaded but its the mental side of things that need improvement

[CLKD]

Little steps.  When I come out of a period of high levels of anxiety I feel knackered!