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[Losingtheplot]

Hi Ladies,

I am in such a low dark place and ready to give up!.
I am on HRT recently increased due to return of symptoms. Has been 4 weeks. I am 50 but unsure what stage I am in peri/ meno. I am so fed up of constantly feeling down, anxious and depressed. I started taking 20mg ot fluoxetine 3 weeks ago.
I have an appointment with my Gp on Monday and a friend has suggested I ask for a full blood test to see if I am deficient in anything.

I am having thoughts that I am better off not being here  . These thoughts have been with me for weeks. I have other stressors in my life too. A teenage son who is unhappy and moody and I don't have the strength to deal with anymore.
I am off work and have been for just over a week. My manager has been v supportive which has been great and totally understands. I am just so scared that due to my bad mental health I will end up doing something to myself. I am finding this so unbearable.
I know things will improve eventually but I don't feel I have time on my side and have actively looked at ways of ending my life!.
I don't want to be here anymore  .
This all happened to my 2.5 years ago. I never thought it would hit me so hard again. I don't know whether to get myself admitted or sectioned as its not normal to want to end your life.
Sorry ladies but I can't see a way out.

[CrispyChick]

I can't read this and not post my love.

I too am in immense struggles. Have posts like 'just fading away'. Mine is not so much mental health, but physical leading to me feeling like I want out.

Hopefully someone with knowledge will come along to help you this morning.

What can I say? I think you're probably answering it yourself. If you feel you need care - go immediately and ask for it. You've said your son needs you. My son's keep me going. Do it for him. Seek the help today.

Please someone come and help this lady this morning....?

[CLKD]

Do ring the Samaritans  !!!  now !!! , then send an e-mail to your GP to request an urgent appt - our Surgery has a triage on-line system and I am seen within 2 days. 

U can walk into A&E or a Pharmacy so that U R not alone.  Your son needs to get support, is he still in School?  There should be a pastoral person with whom he can talk.  We were not allowed to be moody!  It simply didn't happen.

I've been where U R for different reasons, I literally hung onto the bannisters whilst my little cat sat behind me on the stair, purring gently, the other cat and dog at my feet. I never want 2 feel that scared!  I take half a day at a time which helps.

Which symptom were U helping to ease when U began HRT? 

[Losingtheplot]

Hi

A close friend has just called me and that has helped.
The HRT has helped with hot flushes which came back after being under control. I was also getting mood swings, irritability, brain fog. Then the panic attacks palpitations and severe anxiety started.
I have given my son links to speak to someone if he needs to work through some issues. He has a terrible attitude at the min and his relationship isnt the best with us at the min.
I know he is going they puberty too

[Nas]

Breathe.. life sounds tough. You have your own feelings to deal with, plus those of your son.

Giving the Samaritans a call today, is good advice. You also have your friend to lean on.

Will you have a complete review of your HRT on Mondays appointment with the GP? You must let them know of your intrusive thoughts. It can take a while for any anti depressant to kick in. Maybe this needs reviewing too?

Is your son receiving support at school for his MH? How old is he?  Are his teachers aware of his situation?

As CLKD mentioned, if you feel you may hurt yourself, please present at a&e quickly, or ring 111?

We are here for you too.

[Losingtheplot]

Breathe.. life sounds tough. You have your own feelings to deal with, plus those of your son.

Giving the Samaritans a call today, is good advice. You also have your friend to lean on.

Will you have a complete review of your HRT on Mondays appointment with the GP? You must let them know of your intrusive thoughts. It can take a while for any anti depressant to kick in. Maybe this needs reviewing too?

Is your son receiving support at school for his MH? How old is he?  Are his teachers aware of his situation?

As CLKD mentioned, if you feel you may hurt yourself, please present at a&e quickly, or ring 111?

We are here for you too.

Hi Nas,

Thank you for replying. I am ok now the thoughts were very persistent this morning and I have pushed through them. I have v supportive friends and they all know what I am going thru as does my sister. So I do have people to reach out to. But need to work thru this myself too.
I have been feeling like this for weeks and weeks now and know the meds take some time to work unfortunately. No quick fix and I had prepared myself for that. Just 3 weeks in to Ad's and still struggling with anxiety has me thinking at times that I need out. My mind has calmed alot over past few weeks but the dark thoughts still appear. I feel immense 😔 sadness too. As I don't want to feel this way. These Ad's have helped me so much in the past so I know its  case of riding the storm and also letting the increase in HRT have time to work. Only been 4 weeks since it was increased.
I had an appointment with the GP a couple of weeks ago, and that was to discuss the HRT increase. I didn't feel totally happy after this appointment and I booked the appointment on Monday discuss as a follow on. This GP I am seeing on Monday did my annual review in July when things were still stable.
I want to discuss my current HRT - increase from 0.5mg of sandrena gel to 1mg sandrena gel and 1 prog tablet. Also my current issues with intense anxiety/depression and what other meds I can take alongside to support me until things improve.
The panic attacks and palpitations have stopped along with the hot flushes but the sadness and lack of motivation, depression, anxiety is still there in an unmanageable way, and until it is manageable I do not feel ready to return to work. So I do feel the HRT increase has helped.
My son has just turned 15 and has only just opened up to me about things and I feel that he had a falling out with friends, which lead to him being moody etc. He had told me he didn't care about things anymore and knows he is moody and distant but blames us for that.
We have always been supportive and he told me a couple of days later that he regretted saying these things.
My son is v quiet and doesn't find it easy to open up. He prefers to WhatsApp me. The school haven't reported any issues to me and I would need to ask my son if he wants to speak to the pastural teacher at school. I have given my son links to access support for MH and sounding off if he doesn't feel comfortable talking to me.
I have also suggested counselling to him, which he said he would consider, but feels things are ok for now.
My son and his dad have been clashing too and I feel stuck in the middle

[Kathleen]

Hello Losing the plot.

I am sorry that you are suffering and my heart goes out to you.

It is a good thing that you are seeing your GP on Monday and I agree with your friend that you should ask for a full blood test that would show any deficiencies.

I have been learning about iron deficiency lately and I was surprised to see how similar the symptoms are to anxiety and depression as well as the menopause. If you do have blood tests please check that your levels are not too low as even low/ normal range can be problematic and need treatment with supplements.

I hope your GP is able to help you and please let us know how you get on.

Wishing you well and sending hugs.

K .

I hope your appointment is helpful and that

[dangermouse]

Not much to add as you have some great advice here but, in terms of your HRT, depression is usually due to progesterone being too high (and anxiety is oestrogen too high).

Utrogestan is known to cause suicidal thoughts when the balance is off so just wanted to add that here.

Also, as you know, ADs can cause anxiety as they ramp up.

Try to rationalise all that is going on with you and your son, there are reasons (usually the damn hormones!) and tell yourself that you are working on it all and things will settle in time. If you have to repeat anything to yourself, to override the panicked thoughts, please repeat that.

[CLKD]

Making sure that your son gets support in school is important, mayB next week contact the pastoral team or Head of Year.  We tend to lash out at those closest because that feels safe, however, we don't take into account how that impacts on others.  Learning to keep gob wide closed isn't my best trait even now!  Your son is 15 so you do not need his permission to discuss with the School: which should be confidential anyway. He's a teen and shouldn't be laying down the Law about how you do/not speak with. 

At least he's aware: mayB ask how he feels that you R 2 blame?  It's easier to pass the buck to others than face our responses, it's such a difficult age. Having said that in the 1950s,60s/70s we simply weren't allowed to be moody.  Many of my peer group had part time jobs by the time they were 14, delivering papers for example.  It is suggested that when issues need to be discussed that a walk or a car journey is better than being face2face. There are also other things to look at rather than concentrating fully on problems.

He's a teen so there will be clashes.  His Dad and you need to be on the same page, agreeing with a strategy and stick to what you agree to. It will also depend on how every1 reacts to stresses and discussions so saying "I need to think about your problem" B4 making suggestions etc. gives every1 breathing space. He needs to know that he does not need to solve his problems alone, that many will have similar feelings. 

Pleased that you began to feel better, my worse times were after 3.30 a.m. and I would improve as the day went by.

Anti-depressant medication is different to anti-anxiety, although some ADs may ease the latter symptoms.  Asking for a dedicated anti-anxiety med is important.

[Mary G]

Losingtheplot, I'm also really sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.  It can't be easy when you have your son to look after.

You have had a lot of good advice on here but one question, you mentioned a progesterone tablet, what type of progesterone tablet is it?  If it's Utrogestan it may well be causing extreme depression and anxiety as DM says.   

You might not be getting enough oestrogen either so the combination of high progesterone (particularly Utrogestan) and low oestrogen would cause no end of problems.  Do you know your oestrogen blood levels?  You might not be absorbing the Sandrena properly.

[Losingtheplot]

Losingtheplot, I'm also really sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.  It can't be easy when you have your son to look after.

You have had a lot of good advice on here but one question, you mentioned a progesterone tablet, what type of progesterone tablet is it?  If it's Utrogestan it may well be causing extreme depression and anxiety as DM says.   

You might not be getting enough oestrogen either so the combination of high progesterone (particularly Utrogestan) and low oestrogen would cause no end of problems.  Do you know your oestrogen blood levels?  You might not be absorbing the Sandrena properly.

Thank you everyone for replying.

CLKD my son has asked to have counselling so I am going to sort that out and I will be speaking to the school head etc too.

I have been on 0.5mg sandrena gel and 1 prog tab sometimes utrogestan other times Getaprix depending on stock availability. This was a v v low dose of gel but sorted my symptoms out.

I have been great on this level of HRT for 2.5 years. A few weeks ago the hot flushes returned along with the morning dread etc. I increased my gel to 1mg still with 1 prog tablet as all within guidelines.

I know HRT takes time to work but after a week my hot flushes stopped, so I do feel the HRT is helping.

The last bad episode I had like this at age 47 was same the flushes stopped quite soon after starting HRT, the panic, anxiety took much longer.

I think I just need to preserve with the Ad's. Ive increased to 2 x 20mg after 3.5 weeks of 1 x20mg.

I don't know what else the GP can do and I am close to be asking to be sectioned. I am hoping she can give me some anti anxiety meds to help me. I just want to be me again 😪

[Losingtheplot]

Hello Losing the plot.

I am sorry that you are suffering and my heart goes out to you.

It is a good thing that you are seeing your GP on Monday and I agree with your friend that you should ask for a full blood test that would show any deficiencies.

I have been learning about iron deficiency lately and I was surprised to see how similar the symptoms are to anxiety and depression as well as the menopause. If you do have blood tests please check that your levels are not too low as even low/ normal range can be problematic and need treatment with supplements.

I hope your GP is able to help you and please let us know how you get on.

Wishing you well and sending hugs.

K .

I hope your appointment is helpful and that

 Thank you I do hope the GP agrees to do the blood test.

[Losingtheplot]

Losingtheplot, I'm also really sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.  It can't be easy when you have your son to look after.

You have had a lot of good advice on here but one question, you mentioned a progesterone tablet, what type of progesterone tablet is it?  If it's Utrogestan it may well be causing extreme depression and anxiety as DM says.   

You might not be getting enough oestrogen either so the combination of high progesterone (particularly Utrogestan) and low oestrogen would cause no end of problems.  Do you know your oestrogen blood levels?  You might not be absorbing the Sandrena properly.

Hi

I have no idea what my levels are its all guess work. Hoping the Gp can help by agreeing to do the blood test.
I feel my oestrogen dropped a few weeks ago hence all the awful symptoms coming back. The hot flushes confirmed that. With the increase in gel these have stopped therefore my oestrogen must've been low?.
I need to work on my mental health as it is scaring me.
I will tell the GP that I'm scared at times. Do I need sectioned for my own safety?.

Mental illness is just so debilitating and I had very bad post natal depression when my son was born. This is on a whole new level of feeling low. I just hope I get thru it again as Im sick of feeling like this 😞

Im trying so hard to help myself. Forced myself to go swimming but felt so lightheaded in the pool. I had eaten breakfast too.

[CLKD]

Morning.  Did U sleep?

Feeling low is totally different to deep depression which many, even GPs, don't understand.  Every morning as I wake my head says 'OH no not another day do I have to get. up?' but once up and at it, that feeling goes.  In the main I enjoy each day.

Sorting out DS's problems is a big step for you both. 

If U feel that you are in need of constant support, do ring your GP services today or go to A&E although the wait there maybe long. 

Being light headed is a sign of anxiety raising hormonal levels, I often feel like that when I'm in panic mode.  When the anxiety levels drop I can feel really really weary.

Adding to your meds is correct, it may take 24 hours B4 U notice a difference.  In April my GP added 5mg to my 24 hour regime which really helped.  It mayB that your hormones are fluctuating = mood changes.

[Losingtheplot]

Morning.  Did U sleep?

Feeling low is totally different to deep depression which many, even GPs, don't understand.  Every morning as I wake my head says 'OH no not another day do I have to get. up?' but once up and at it, that feeling goes.  In the main I enjoy each day.

Sorting out DS's problems is a big step for you both. 

If U feel that you are in need of constant support, do ring your GP services today or go to A&E although the wait there maybe long. 

Being light headed is a sign of anxiety raising hormonal levels, I often feel like that when I'm in panic mode.  When the anxiety levels drop I can feel really really weary.

Adding to your meds is correct, it may take 24 hours B4 U notice a difference.  In April my GP added 5mg to my 24 hour regime which really helped.  It mayB that your hormones are fluctuating = mood changes.

I sleep fine have no issues luckily. Its when I wake I feel the dread although the immense panic has subsided I just feel v sad and dread the day ahead.
I feel mentally exhausted at having to get thru another day putting an act on. So I honestly regret that I have woken up!.

I find things difficult throughout the day and v challenging if I have to leave the house. My son has now changed his mind about the counselling, much to my disappointment 😞. I have provided him with the links, email addresses and telephone number to refer himself for counselling when he feels ready. I can't push the issue as he just shuts down. His dad feels that our son has an attitude problem so I am left dealing with it all.
I have told my son that I am worried about him.
I am overwhelmed with everything as I have enough with my own issues.
I do hope my GP is agreeable to the blood test so all my levels can be checked.
In the meantime I have to continue with the Ad's not sure what else the GP can or will suggest prescribing alongside it just to take until things improve.
There is a faint light shining but each time I feel I am improving even slightly more stressors knock me back e.g my son's struggles