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[Lavender Girl]

Hi Everyone
I hope you're well.

I'm peri at the moment, on 2 pumps gel and mirena, though I keep upping my gel does, but can't quite find the right balance.
My anxiety is very high, this is largely to do with a personal/relationship issue, but also feel like my hormones have amplified things.
This is going to sound weird but there's a voice in my head every day that says 'I want to die'.
I don't think I do actually want to die, I do want the pain and anxiety to stop though.

Has anyone else had this? I feel a bit mental and have felt like this for almost a year. I'd never take my own life (I hope).. have lost friends this way, but it's just a weird thought that comes in and then goes out again.
But it's literally daily.

Considering SSRI.. currently taking Buspirone, but now worried that's having an opposite affect.

Experiences welcome thank you xx

[Konijntje]

I’m sorry you have those thoughts. Perimenopause can be such a difficult journey and although I don’t have suicidal thoughts, I do have anxiety and depression from my hormones.

How long have you had the mirena? I get a certain anxious feeling from levonorgestrel (I’m progesterone intolerant, the feeling I get from levonorgestrel is slightly different, but both are bad), even with the more localized mirena. So, if they started around the time you got your mirena, that might be something to consider (I know lots of people that love the mirena, but a small percentage get systemic mood side effects like me).

[Lavender Girl]

Hiya,
Thank you for this, and so sorry you're suffering too.
Since Nov last year, weirdly Utrogestan made me worse, my anxiety was sky high and very physical.

I just don't think I'm getting my gel dosage right.  Started on 2 pumps, was told I could increase to 4 if I still had anxious symptoms and trouble sleeping, started to increase to 3 but that made me worse, I was horrible!!
4 I split the dose and felt that made me worse as well, so am transitioning back to 2, but I just can't figure out where one thing ends and the other starts ya know?
and whether it's just my current situation or the hormones too.. but I've never been so teary in all my life despite everything I've been through.
x


quote author=Konijntje link=topic=72957.msg979852#msg979852 date=1754318876]
I’m sorry you have those thoughts. Perimenopause can be such a difficult journey and although I don’t have suicidal thoughts, I do have anxiety and depression from my hormones.

How long have you had the mirena? I get a certain anxious feeling from levonorgestrel (I’m progesterone intolerant, the feeling I get from levonorgestrel is slightly different, but both are bad), even with the more localized mirena. So, if they started around the time you got your mirena, that might be something to consider (I know lots of people that love the mirena, but a small percentage get systemic mood side effects like me).
[/quote]

[Konijntje]

Yes, I can definitely relate. For me, it’s my own cycle that is giving me problems too, I feel it’s very difficult to get hrt right with all the hormonal fluctuations. I don’t have advice on the dosage question, because I did quite ok on a mid dose of estrogen for the first half of my cycle, especially if I did estrogen only for the first half. The progesterone (both my own and the different ones I’ve tried, including mirena) makes me very depressed and gives me physical issues too.

I’m now going to try birth control with natural estrogen, with “friendlier” progestogens according to some women, I’ve never tried newer progestins, so I’m hoping they will work for me.

Did you have the anxiety before you started hrt? Or did it start when you started the utrogestan? When you started hrt, did you also try the estrogen without utrogestan (before mirena)? I’m quite sure it’s the progesterone part for me, since I’ve done about 6 weeks estrogen only after I had my mirena removed, before trying utrogestan again and once the mirena side effects eased off (took a few weeks), I felt so much better. The mirena gave me very bad lower back pain and before my last period with it in, the pain got really sharp for a few days, so the decision to having it taken out, was easy at that point. It would have been a great solution if the side effects from mirena weren’t that severe for me, because of not having to think about progesterone. So, I’m definitely not suggesting to have it taken out, just suggesting it could be contributing to your anxiety and depressive thoughts (I feel mirena side effects can sneak up on you unnoticed, as I had one before for multiple years and only when that was out, I noticed how much “lighter” I felt. The side effects weren’t that bad then, that is why I was willing to try a new one for hrt).

[Mariab]

Hi there..
I'm sorry you are feeling this way..I went through the same thing, i had enough of the suffering and constant anxiety and worry etc...I was.on two pumps.of gel and coil...
In the end I ended.up.on a ssri along side.hrt and after alot of upping gel and it not working I found that dropping my eastrogen did the trick..so  now I'm.on one pump and on the whole I'm much better, I still have flare ups depending on life challenges but am able to go with it..

[Lavender Girl]

I think that's my issue too, that mine is still there and fluctuating.

I had anxiety on occasions and it ramped up when I hit peri.
I thought you had to have progesterone to keep the lining thin when you're increasing oestrogen? or do you mean just temporarily? I think only for a week or so.
I seem to get on with the coil really well in terms of physicalities, whether it's affecting my anxiety I'm not sure, but as I say I am going through some emotional turmoil too so it's a perfect storm.
Thanks for sharing your experience x

[Lavender Girl]

Hi Maria,
Yep that's it, I just want to feel differently one day and not feel like it's so relentless.
The physical effect is quite overwhelming, like proper chest crushing lump in the throat pangs in the stomach kind of thing.

I'm very tempted to try that and drop to one pump and see how I go, never been on just one, and keep getting told I should take more as 4 pumps will flatline and override my natural levels?!  But I think it makes me worse, but I'm not sure I give it enough chance to settle in to my system, however I find the gel affects me quite quickly?!

Do you apply in the morning?
Which SSRI are you on if you don't mind me asking? and any side effects?

Last time I chatted to the doc she mentioned Sertraline.

[Konijntje]

Yes, I meant just estrogen only for a month or so, just to see how you respond to it (I wouldn’t recommend going without a progestogen for prolonged periods, I’m not taking that risk myself either). If you feel like you get on really well with the coil and you had the anxiety before, it’s probably not the coil that is causing it, so that is good.

Both strategies make sense to me. Do you still notice your cycle? If you do, I’ve read some women use less estrogen in the first half (when your own estrogen is higher) and more in the second half (when it’s lower).

Personally, I guess I would try the low estrogen strategy first, because if your symptoms get worse then, your symptoms are probably from low estrogen, so you’ve learned something then. If your symptoms keep fluctuating, it could be better to try to shut your own cycle down (I’m trying that with switching to the birth control) or try to even your levels out (but you’d have to have a very regular cycle for that to work).

[CLKD]

I never wanted to die: simply to sleep until some1 would wake me to let me know that I will never suffer panic attacks.  Even now when anxiety floors me my brain starts "I can't take any more".

My GP has recently prescribed Propranolol along with my long term escitalopram to get me over a bad patch.

It may B that you are on 'too much at once' ? 

[Mariab]

I tried going higher with the gel but as I mentioned it made me much worse..
We are all different and for some less is the best..
I take citalopram started off at 10mg and now on 30mg, it's took a good year and a half to finally settle but I had good times along the way, I tried 3 others but they did not suit me, as with everything it's trial and error...
I know exactly the feeling you have, it's hard to describe but it's the chest stomach, feelings of doom which do not let up..it's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with...but there is a way out...not only with meds etc but yourself also, changing mind set and excepting your body has changed and needs different  things now...it's definitely a tough time.
I apply my gel in the evening.

[Lavender Girl]

Yes I still notice my cycle for sure as I'm a lot lot worse the week before but it's now becoming a bit inconsistent so i'm not entirely sure when it is or isn't anymore.

Going to try just one pump for a bit and see how I go.  The mental is very hard, my mind is full, but if the physical anxiety symptoms could be relieved a bit then I'd be in a better place.

Thanks for your replyx

[Lavender Girl]

Yep I hear you...I can't believe this is my existence now. Sadness, tears, anxiety.. no real joy in anything anymore.

I used to be on that for migraine, but I don't tend to have panic attacks, mental emotional spirals and the high very physical feeling anxiety though.

It could be, I'm reducing to one pump, just to see how that feels as more makes me worse.. It's hard to give it time to settle in though we all just want a quick fix etc.. but I know that's not how it works.

Hope you're ok x

[Lavender Girl]

yes it definitely made me worse, though I've only just reduced and I'm still bad, so guess it'll take some time to kick in.
With Citalopram did you have any horrible side effects to note?  again I know everyone's different just wondering.
I think I'm going to have to go for something like that.

Thank you for getting it and yes that's exactly how it feels, I cannot believe this is my life and has been for the last year, sadness, tears, anxiety.  Emotional personal stuff is playing a huge part but my hormones are amplifying it.

That's interesting, I do morning, have you found a difference? x

[Mariab]

How are you today???
I didn't try .morning  so I can't compare
Citalopram side effects short term for me the anxiery did get worse for a week this phase I had to be determined and carry on
Light headed, and spaced out..long term it's made me feel hotter generally...
But some people it has no side effects so it does depend on what suits you...
Then upping doses took a while.to get the right dose...have read alot about it...it can take a while to level out but in thay time you start feeling better ....
Maybe ask your gp if you can try it..
Have you tried cbt that helped.me alot..
Don't get me wrong I still have what we call blips/setbacks but it's temporary and you soon bounce back.

[Lavender Girl]

Hi Maria,
Sorry I missed this.
I reduced to one pump, anxiety is still there I need to see how I go.  There's a lot going on with me though so it's hard to know where one thing stops and the other starts ya know.

I take mine in the morning and definitely feel like it helps a bit.
Right, well I'm speaking to the docs on Tuesday so will discuss Sertraline and Citalopram and see what might help.  If i can get the physical under some kind of control I can then work on the mental more.

I've read about CBT but I don't fully understand it or had anyone explain to me how to work through it, but ChatGPT helped explain a bit!!  I just struggle to put it into practice when I start spiralling regarding a relationship situation and how and why someone is behaving the way they are for example.

Thanks Maria, you give me some hope about it all.
Hope your weekend is good
x