Lovely Nas,
Such testing stormy seas you are still having to navigate. It’s so tough to even hear the diagnosis let alone find the resources and energy to face the endless testing and prodding and scans, interventions and treatment and a second time around. Then to face the internal questioning ‘why has it happened?’ I'm saying that in relation to your past life message:) For what it's worth, i think give up on the why’s if you have them, when you can:) it can be an endless road of questioning with cancer as in most cases nobody fully really knows.
It’s hard to feel like you are losing your identity but Nas is still in there. Even when the outside things that anchor have to be put to one side for a bit. I only know a fraction of you from the forum and messages but that in itself is enough for me to know that you are a great spirit.
Keep hold of that in the mire of it and do as you do and keep pushing forward when you can. There will be brighter days although at times it must feel like that’s an impossibility, but there will be. It's wonderfully good natured to say you are only just 'bloody fed up' with all that you are going through

Sending lots of love to you. xx