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[Dorothy Gale]

All they offer is medication. I can't take it.
I've already been there with all the doctors and mental health. I know I need help but they just say take meds and I can't...
I'm sorry I'm letting you down thank you

[Fizwhizz]

Hi, I’m so sorry you feel like this. You deserve help and support. I found myself calling the Samaritans a month or so ago. A business colleague of my husband’s committed suicide and I was trying to support my husband but had no one supporting me. They listened to me, didn’t judge and didn’t add any unnecessary emotional stress into the situation. I never expected to make that call and I ended up speaking to them again on several occasions. I don’t know if that helps you feel that you can call them but I hope it does.

[ElkWarning]

Hi there

It's good to see you say 'I will have to cope' because that means you're thinking about how you're going to manage. It's a step.

You must love your partner very much and it's so difficult to see someone you care about in pain. Sounds as if it's been a horrible year for both of you. And it's hard to keep going when there's not much light at the end of the tunnel ...

But we're here, and we've got a few torches between us.

[Dorothy Gale]

Thank you all so much for being so kind.

[ElkWarning]

And you're not letting me (or anyone else here) down. I'm really sorry you feel so horrendous.

Depressive episodes (that can go on for years) are extremely hard work; but as Jules and Fiz say, there are some glimmers of hope.

[SarahT]

Dorothy  can only empathise too that you are not letting any of of us down - or your husband or yourself.

Not one of us can imagine how your life is right now. In all your own pain you still find the strength to careq for your husbands own suffering, and as is also your primary carer you don't wish to add more .on him. But it is plain you need to seek help.
Please do call.someone. Talking out loud to someone non judgemental can bring a an enormous relief. Is the ME phone helpline open? They may have a greater understanding of your specific needs.
I also understand the huge physical strain it  can be for you to even be able to type a reply, but be  sure people do care. Please think about phoning a helpline. X

[SarahT]

I am sure you know it but ME association phone helpline is

0344 576 5326.  Hours are 10-12.  2-4.  And 7-9.   Xx

[joziel]

Dorothy, you might not be able to take in much at the moment, feeling as you do... but I just wanted to say 2 things...

1. Like Sheila says above, you get a very skewed view of HRT if you're basing it on forums like these. The vast majority of women love HRT immediately and have no problems with it. Only the people who have problems, find their ways to forums like this! Myself, it has fixed ALL of my low estrogen symptoms - and it did that within a few weeks. What I'm dealing with, is thyroid stuff now. Please at least give it a try, you owe that to yourself. I mean, if you're thinking desperate thoughts without having even tried something which might resolve it all for you.... you may as well...

2. A lot of people who have been diagnosed with ME really have thyroid problems which don't show up on regular TSH and free T4 tests. Because the active thyroid hormone is free T3, and the NHS doesn't even test for that. My TSH and free T4 were always normal so the NHS didn't want to know about anything. It was only when I did a private Medichecks Advanced Thyroid test which includes free T3 that I realised my T3 was quite low - and testing rT3 privately then showed very high.

And then there are things like B12 deficiency, low folate, low D3 - all of which get increasingly common as we age because our guts get less good at absorbing nutrients and because foods are depleted these days. Before chalking things up to mental health only, please do investigate and trial all you can. The body and the mind are incredibly related and really are one organism. I know how exhausting doing this is, because Ive been doing it myself for the last 2 years. I thought about killing myself about a year ago, although I never told anyone - because I just couldn't function on 3 hours sleep a night. But I'm now on the road to getting better and am 80% recovered.

Please don't give up. The information is out there and there are people here who can help guide you with tests and supplements and meds that might help.

[Dorothy Gale]

I tried ti kill myself last May

This is why I feel there isn't a way because my body cannot tolerate meds or supplements. I've tried all the supplements recommended to support my body through menopause but I react to them all and ive spent so much money in them trying.....

I tried hrt. It was such an assault on my system it made me too ill and I couldn't cope being more ill. My anxiety of taking medication is through the roof now    . .as I've had 30 years of reacting so badly   .I have a phobia of it......but I keep trying...only to get bad reactions I even react to complain etc

I was just about coping......until my stomach issues of old started and now I can't eat. I feel menopause has caught up with me and my stomach now and I won't tell the gp as I've been through this 100 x with them had all the tests and nothing ever shows up and they never can know what to do....it just has resolved on its own.......but I'm scared this time, given I'm now so impacted by menopause it doesn't stand a chance so there's no way out.

Literally feel hopeless

I know you're trying to help and you're so kind.

[Dorothy Gale]

You sound completely overwhelmed, my dear. It's not possible to process information when this physiologically and emotionally drained. You need rest. You need space. You need time to gently observe things change as the P.E.M passes. It will. You will have had episodes like this in the past, I am sure. You made it to a better level, not amazing, but less exhausting. Think of the steps you took to get to that place and repeat them, gently and kindly. Just let everything be as it is, meantime. You have what it takes just to rest.

Thank you xx this is the problem. No rest happens even tho I'm in bed. Peri has caused such hell it overrides everything and no rest is there. I'm so terrified all the time.
 Part of our lounge flooded today...my partner who is going through a break down himself is in bits and this was the last straw..he's in the house in a terrible state and I'm in my bed in my state . .its a terrible situation and now I can't even eat because  of recent stomach issues o that in itself is causing me to be really scared and tipped me over......I was just about coping till that happened

[Nas]

Hi Dorothy Gale
Is there a relative / neighbour/ friend who could help deal with the flood in the lounge perhaps?

You have received some extremely helpful and supportive advice from “team Menopause matters”. Maybe when you are feeling physically and mentally stronger, you could decide how you want to proceed going forward?

The thing is, even when we feel we are at the end of the road and we feel NOTHING  is going to make us feel better, nothing in the world, the brain has a habit of fighting for survival and you will be thinking about the next step. Maybe not right now, but at some point.

Before Christmas, I received some devastating news regarding my own health, whereby I was diagnosed with a disease which could potentially shorten my life.
How am I dealing with this? By taking an hour of the day at time and setting small achievable goals via a list ( I’ve always been a “ list” kind of person!)

I know you said in your original post, that you didn’t want to go down the Hrt rabbit warren, but as has been pointed out, for the vast majority of women, HRT has the potential to be life changing. And if it could make the worst of your symptoms more tolerable, wouldn’t it be worth a shot?

For now, your apparent suffering must be eased. When you feel able to, keep talking to us. As Elk mentioned, we all have a torch to shine, when the darkness gets too much.

X

[Jules]

Dorothy, if I could help more I would. I'm trained in mental health first aid and support for those feeling suicidal. I'm an Orange Button holder.
First of all, the fact you've "talked" to us is positive.  It may not seem it, but it is.
All the advice on here has been great, don't use up energy on anything you can't do anything about at this time.
ME is so debilitating when it takes a grip, it may be that more than menopause, but menopause or not, you will turn a corner. Things changed to get this bad, so they will change again. Nothing stays the same, remember that.
Medication is not the only solution.  Please contact one of the independent helplines. Just to talk. They may also be able to support you with other issues, your flooding etc. 
Don't worry about eating. If you're not physically active you won't need a lot, as long as you're drinking. Try to get hold of liquid nutrition.
If one thing didn't help, try another.  There's always another thing to try.

[Dorothy Gale]

Thank you all. True samaritans.

I dont know what I'd have done without you.

We live in the sticks in the middle of nowhere.

I couldn't ring anyone because my partner is always around and seeing me cry on the phone to someone would break his heart and cause him more pain and guilt, that I couldn't talk to him because he can't take on anymore...he feels so bad that what he's going through is causing me hurt....

Bless you all x

[Jules]

Thank you all. True samaritans.

I dont know what I'd have done without you.

We live in the sticks in the middle of nowhere.

I couldn't ring anyone because my partner is always around and seeing me cry on the phone to someone would break his heart and cause him more pain and guilt, that I couldn't talk to him because he can't take on anymore...he feels so bad that what he's going through is causing me hurt....

Bless you all x

Sometimes you have to put yourself first, you can't help anyone else until you help yourself. Talk to him, tell him what you're doing and why and that it's a positive step forward for both of you.  In the end, it's your life Dorothy so you will do what you feel is right for you. Best wishes

[ElkWarning]

I remember once when I was in a psych hospital, the doctor in front of me said something along the lines of 'You're not mad. You're reacting normally to an abnormal situation'. Back then I didn't know, as others have said, that 'this too will pass'. It takes a great deal of strength and courage to believe it.

In terms of reaching out to talk to someone, do you know the thing about when a plane is going down and the oxygen masks are released? It's so easy, if you love someone, to want to get the mask on their face first, but you can't do that unless you can breathe yourself. If you want to save them, you have to put your own mask on first and then help them to get theirs on.