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[KaraShannon]

As for you friend, sadly you may be better taking a temporary step backwards? You cannot be expected to give yourself to someone all the time when you have your own struggles. Of course your friend is also having difficulties and it is natural to want to support them..but, is it possible for you rather than use hints to be upfront and say just how bad things are for you? That you love them and will always want to be there for them, but right now you are fragile yourself? Perhaps put it to them that due to your own health, you are concerned you are not in the best place to give them the correct help they need?
Whilst in a bad mental state, it can be a little 'selfish' ( cannot find the right word here)  and by that I mean  as the feelings are so real and severe (  I speak from my own experience here) so your friend may not actually be aware of how hard it is for you as their  own struggles are so bad that they cannot see beyond that.

I hope this evening is more restful for you. Take care of yourself x

Thanks for this Sarah

Unfortunately my friend is being very difficult to the point of sabotaging any conversation at all.  And I could write it all down in a letter to them, explaining, but it just seems like more 'giving.'  They know how they've been.  I have done this before and it's worked but this has gone a bit too far, and, they know what they're doing.  I just think with the pandemic, etc, it's possible that they no longer need me as their friend in the way they did.  I am one of those people who's very consistent and I can remember my relationships with people over time even if I don't see them.  I'm beginning to realise many are not like this.  I thought this friend was, but only time will tell. I just think they need to give something before I give anything else.

[KaraShannon]

Morning Ladies.

If someone drains you then drop that person.  Friendships may come to a natural ending.  Lives move on, situations alter.  When a job or a person is keeping you awake at night, then it's time to review that situation.

Hormonal upheaval during our menstruating years can be difficult enough to deal with, add The Change to the mix and the body and brain are on alert more often. 

Once you get moved Kara you will feel better, even if there is noise once you find out the causation you can settle.  In our street there is a loud, bossy man who shouts; he can't have a normal conversation even when not angry  .  Because of my childhood background when a voice is raised I cringe and go into survival mode.  Even when it's someone shouting hello down the street, I am immediately on alert  .

Did U get the deep cleaning sorted?

Sorted. 

Yes too much noise tends to put me in survival mode as well.  Unfortunately in my new property there's something causing a headache, I don't know if it's the boiler.  Definitely a humming noise when I open the boiler cupboard.  Can't jump to conclusions now but I will get someone to check it and hopefully it's that.  There are no neighbours on the bedroom side, and I don't think base music would travel that far, when I stand in the garden there's nothing, so it must be in the building. 

I just don't need it really with everything else, but there we are, it wouldn't be a breakdown if it wasn't overwhelming, lol. 

[KaraShannon]

Morning Ladies.

If someone drains you then drop that person.  Friendships may come to a natural ending.  Lives move on, situations alter.  When a job or a person is keeping you awake at night, then it's time to review that situation.
 

Agree CLKD, but when it's a close friend who's been with you through thick and thin, and you've dropped many many people already for letting you down...

I know we shouldn't focus on this but I actually counted out the people that have let me down with a friend the other day.  She has known me forever and remembers everything and knows it's the truth.  You get to a certain age and wonder is it worth making new friends anymore, been doing it all my life  (no offence to anyone here, I am open to it but just making the point).  I'm not married, don't have kids, am an 'only child' so friends are important.  This 'best friend' of mine is in a similar situation and we've been there for each other for years.  I will drop anyone though if their heart's not in the right place.  I suppose at the moment I'm just sad about it all and don't really want to move from there as it's either go, or try and engage with them, but then I'm making all the effort.  So I'm just sad for now.

[KaraShannon]

So. My plan. Stay on this dose for two further months. Hope it continues to improve my pms\pmdd and suppresses ovulation. And that my energy levels become more acceptable. Given in on brain fog.

If not, email g.p,  ask about estrogen levels, possibly testosterone, and a referral to a meno clinic. Look at me being all decisive.🙄

That sounds really positive Sarah. 

I'm currently reducing oestrogen, so I have to do that a little more before then seeing how I am. In my case I'm feeling physically better as the oestrogen is going down.

What is the benefit of suppressing ovulation?  Its possible I'm still going through ovulation, and that's why the oestrogen was too high.  I may have started hrt a bit too soon 3 years ago.

I think it's good you have a plan of action to tackle this 

[SarahT]

Hi Kara,

Glad.you are in your new home. Just that annoying him to get used to or sorted. Our house freaks like barmy in high winds like being on board and old ship. Takes a while to recognise what is the new normal!

I am attempting to suppress ovulation as my (40+) years of bad pms for so much worse with peri, and the cyclical moods swings had pmdd symptoms. I can't even find words to express how severe they  were getting. I was getting quite scared as was my husband.

So the idea is to flood my body with a large dose of oestrogen that stops ovulation and therefore stops the mad fluctuations of hormones which should even out the  dips due in my natural cycle.
So far, It is improving my moods..I No longer feel unsafe at the time my period is due. But I am wary and expect the worse every month still. But better than I have been and persevering!

Take care

[KaraShannon]

I'm not at all good atm.  Moved home.  The bedroom floor vibrates in the morning when the neighbouring property are going about their business and can be anytime between 5 and 7 which these days is early for me.  It's not that I mind waking at 7, but naturally, not because the bed has started with vibrations.  The bedroom is the furthest point away from them in the house but seems the weaker of the rooms in terms of structure, but the vibration is across all the rooms when it happens.

So today I decided to try and sleep through it, but constant waking and then drifting off and having not set my alarm, I woke at 11!  So it's messing with my own routines now.

I'll try and deal with it in time and seek some advice etc..

The other thing is I'm just homesick, which sounds daft because I wanted to move, but I want to get out of this new home and 'go home' just for a while, to get a break from the things affecting me.  Everything is a problem atm (although I know it will get sorted), wifi signal is poor, tv signal non existant, can only get the radio channels.  That's all ok because I have enough wifi and I can do without tv, but it's just a lot of small things, plus being in a new place.

A family member and her friend are coming to visit tomorrow from miles away (surprise surprise, always if there's something new to see but then long stretches with no contact, not even phone calls).  The house is not really fit to be seen, I've been too depressed to be honest, everything is all still in boxes and I have little energy and cannot blitz the place.  They won't mind but they want to go out for lunch, I don't know why they can't just visit at the house and be content with that (I mean my mother's house who is the main person they are visiting, not mine, so it's comfortable).

On top of all this my close friend (not partner, he has had numerous partners over the years and always remained friends with me for 2 decades and that is all it is and all I want, so a bit of a shock that you can lose that kind of friendship) seems to have drifted off since the lockdowns.  When I try to talk about it he denies, avoids, gets defensive, etc.  He's calling regularly but it's become all about him.  Not getting how I feel at all atm.

So I'm in a strange house, there are disturbances and I've lost my best friend.  That's how I feel.  There's more light in all this than I've painted here, but those things have really got to me.

[CLKD]

Stop the visitors?  Ring them and say 'not at the moment'.  Put foot down with firm hand.  You don't have to justify why, a simple 'no to your visit for a while' should be enough so 1 stressor out of the way.

Old houses do rattle.  U will get used to it.  Is the top floor carpeted which made reduce noise. 

Same with people who drain you.  A quiet 'tnx for your call but I am on my way out'.  Some1 once asked why, if I were going out did I answer the phone, my answer was "Well she might have been held up so was letting me know". 

So concentrate on any positives.  Make a double list on an A5 sheet of paper with a line down the middle: one for sadness, the other for hope.  Eventually the hope list will outrun the sadness.

All change is difficult even when we want it ;-)

[KaraShannon]

Stop the visitors?  Ring them and say 'not at the moment'.  Put foot down with firm hand.  You don't have to justify why, a simple 'no to your visit for a while' should be enough so 1 stressor out of the way.

Old houses do rattle.  U will get used to it.  Is the top floor carpeted which made reduce noise. 

Same with people who drain you.  A quiet 'tnx for your call but I am on my way out'.  Some1 once asked why, if I were going out did I answer the phone, my answer was "Well she might have been held up so was letting me know". 

So concentrate on any positives.  Make a double list on an A5 sheet of paper with a line down the middle: one for sadness, the other for hope.  Eventually the hope list will outrun the sadness.

All change is difficult even when we want it ;-)

Thanks CLKD  <3

I will have the visitors because they are mainly coming for my mum anyway, but I might call tonight and just let them know it's been a tough few weeks and I haven't got my place all presented how I'd like for their first visit.  They are pretty down to earth, it's just that they are coming just when I'm not ready, but that's life.  It will do me good to see some family as my mood has been really low and I know it will do my mum good, she's got friends but it's not the same as her family.

I will do what you've said on paper, not right now, as a lot to try and fit into the afternoon, but at least I'm functioning. 

I've had a long chat with best friend and feel a lot better, he can't visit atm, but now I've helped him go through his schedule which is ridiculously busy, I can see all the pressure he's under, so it's ok.  I can deal with this for now and I now have his schedule if I want to drive over to him sometime in the next month

Hopefully I'll get used to the vibration in the morning, the night is obviously something to do with tv speakers or something like that, but the morning, not sure, might be someone's washing machine or water pipes or something, it just wakes me up sometimes.  It might not be all the time, so I'll just wait and see. 

Thanks for listening.  I'll try and get on for the rest of today now, a lot of work is stacking up because of being so low (I do a lot of work at home).  I'll try and keep things constructive for the rest of the day. 

[CLKD]

Is your Mum living with you or locally? 

Buy some good ear plugs, but don't put them too deep into the ear as they may vibrate.  Everything around you is new and any rattle will be disturbing for a couple of nights.  I assume it is semi-detached?

Perhaps get 1 room 'ready' as well as the bathroom - they don't have to see the whole house ;-).

[KaraShannon]

Is your Mum living with you or locally? 

Buy some good ear plugs, but don't put them too deep into the ear as they may vibrate.  Everything around you is new and any rattle will be disturbing for a couple of nights.  I assume it is semi-detached?

Perhaps get 1 room 'ready' as well as the bathroom - they don't have to see the whole house ;-).

My mum is just local to me. 

Ear plugs are no good, this is vibration, so you feel it.  Only time will tell how bad that will be, I've survived so far lol.

I've tidied, feeling a bit better.  It looks like I've just moved in but more orderly now. 

[CLKD]

Boxes can be covered with blankets/table cloths ;-)

Do U feel worse 1st thing in the morning?

[KaraShannon]

Boxes can be covered with blankets/table cloths ;-)

Do U feel worse 1st thing in the morning?

At the moment, yes.  I think I am depressed but pretty sure I'm gradually coming out of it, just change has never been easy for me.
I'll keep an eye on it, it's only been a week feeling like this.  Part of it is lack of support from anyone lately.  I had a long chat with friend and my mood lifted.  And coming back on here was a sign I was feeling a bit better as I didn't have it in me to even talk before. 

I'm pleased with all I've achieved today, it's radically different to the last few days.

You'll probably be reading this on Weds, but it's Tues night I'm typing this.  Progesterone patch will change to estradiol on Thursday, I'm always very wakeful in the lead up 

[KaraShannon]

Hi Kara,

Glad.you are in your new home. Just that annoying him to get used to or sorted. Our house freaks like barmy in high winds like being on board and old ship. Takes a while to recognise what is the new normal!

I am attempting to suppress ovulation as my (40+) years of bad pms for so much worse with peri, and the cyclical moods swings had pmdd symptoms. I can't even find words to express how severe they  were getting. I was getting quite scared as was my husband.

So the idea is to flood my body with a large dose of oestrogen that stops ovulation and therefore stops the mad fluctuations of hormones which should even out the  dips due in my natural cycle.
So far, It is improving my moods..I No longer feel unsafe at the time my period is due. But I am wary and expect the worse every month still. But better than I have been and persevering!

Take care

Hi Sarah

in what way do you mean your house is like being on an old ship?  Do you actually get vibration or movement?  Something runs under my bedroom floor, but much less so the living room.  I think the structure of the building is stronger in there.  I will have to ask my relative who is in the navy how to sleep with that.  It's not happening all the time thankfully, think it might be water or pipes etc

Ah, now I understand what you mean re your hormone treatment.  Good that things are a little better and you are persevering and that you have the plan you spoke about.  Hope you're ok atm x

[meno-mel]

in what way do you mean your house is like being on an old ship?  Do you actually get vibration or movement?  Something runs under my bedroom floor, but much less so the living room.  I think the structure of the building is stronger in there.  I will have to ask my relative who is in the navy how to sleep with that.  It's not happening all the time thankfully, think it might be water or pipes etc

CLKD suggested earplugs, I'd go one better and wear headphones.
I wear mine every night, nice comfy earpads and music to keep sending me back to sleep. Our bedroom is a wooden structure which can be quite scary in a storm, for years I'd lay awake feeling the house shuddering all night, or snoring, the neighbours dogs, bin lorries, my husband getting up (minor earthquake on its own). I find that even though it's vibration and movement as well as sound, the music somehow keeps me asleep. It keeps me on the other side of that tipping point between asleep and awake, not by much, the smoke alarm still wakes me, but by just enough.
I could have avoided years of insomina if I'd discovered this earlier, but then I'd kids to listen for in the night, so I couldn't really.

[KaraShannon]

in what way do you mean your house is like being on an old ship?  Do you actually get vibration or movement?  Something runs under my bedroom floor, but much less so the living room.  I think the structure of the building is stronger in there.  I will have to ask my relative who is in the navy how to sleep with that.  It's not happening all the time thankfully, think it might be water or pipes etc

CLKD suggested earplugs, I'd go one better and wear headphones.
I wear mine every night, nice comfy earpads and music to keep sending me back to sleep. Our bedroom is a wooden structure which can be quite scary in a storm, for years I'd lay awake feeling the house shuddering all night, or snoring, the neighbours dogs, bin lorries, my husband getting up (minor earthquake on its own). I find that even though it's vibration and movement as well as sound, the music somehow keeps me asleep. It keeps me on the other side of that tipping point between asleep and awake, not by much, the smoke alarm still wakes me, but by just enough.
I could have avoided years of insomina if I'd discovered this earlier, but then I'd kids to listen for in the night, so I couldn't really.

Interesting, thanks meno mel

This morning since 7 it's been a constant buzzing, very subtle and low level, but I like to feel the ground underneath me and this alters that.  And I'm sleep deprived for my visitors.  Sounds like a whinge but it's kind of a big deal for me with hashimotos as well, I need my sleep.

I'm sure the neighbour is doing something pretty benign, like running a garden hose or low level tv surround sound or something, but it runs right through the bedroom floor whatever it is.  And I'm sure it's something different every time and will be hard to isolate what it is and people don't want to hear it.  I hope I get used to it, but it's not healthy, not like feeling the ground under you.

I will try the white noise and things, it's at least got to help, I also wondered about weighted blankets, as they might make me feel grounded when this is going on