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[Suzysheep]

Helen, I’m glad you have coped well with your busy day.

Michelle, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Maybe that’s why you’re feeling so bad?

I ended up going to bed for a couple of hours . I feel like I’ve taken a massive step back. Feeling overwhelmed by anxiety 😥

[Michelle7474]

Oh Suzy .. your day sounds like mine it’s been on and off all day … I’m now sitting down where I much rather go to bed

My dad passed away on 2/9 .. that’s one thing that made me keep pushing forward as he wouldn’t want me to be like this .. and all was good on and off until yesterday… hopefully tomorrow is a better  day for us both

I’m sitting here now and I can feel me being shaky and jittery but I’m trying to relax and just go with the flow .. felt bit tearful today as in filling up a lot when I think of how was last night and my husband having to hear me say that I think I’m dying I hate him seeing me like this and should never hear these words from my mouth
So every time I’ve looked at him I’ve filled up …. Bloody hormones wish they would settle

Suzy I hope you feel better as the evening goes on … I can see me getting into bed and watching tv in there early tonight .. just to try and relax myself

Xxxx

[Suzysheep]

I’m sorry you’ve been so tearful today. My eye taps have been turned on today too…. I think I’ve got a leak!!

Now you’ve said about loosing your dad, it makes so much sense how much you are struggling. I lost my dad about 5 years ago, the first year was an emotional blur…. But I had to stay strong for my mum …. Then I lost my sister last year… same thing, I had to stay strong, organise the funeral ( was pretty easy as it was during Covid restrictions) and support mum and her 2 kids who have Aspergers. When I’m at my lowest I think of my sisters last breath, and how she’s no longer here… but I am and now I’m wasting my life being stuck like this……. It’s horrible.

You will be deeply shocked by the physical feelings you had yesterday, you are bound to feel tearful and frightened when you remember them, they were so bad you felt like you were dying… it will take a few days to get over it, don’t try and force yourself to get on with stuff….. lay in bed if you need to…. Sit in the garden. Cry when you need to……. This will pass for you….. as it will for all of us. Xxxxxx hugs xxxx

[Michelle7474]

Thankyou Suzy .. things will get better because they have too I know yesterday was a blip and today is probably because of yesturday .. it as to be .. I don’t wanna move backwards .. as I’m not going that way ( headstrong )

Sorry to hear about your dad  and sister such an awful thing grief is .. and being strong for others is what I’ve been trying to do with my 2 younger sisters ..
We lost my sister in law in July .. I was so gutted as I couldn’t do the funeral because of this aniexty .. my husband went for us both .. my brother and family all understood as they knew I would be there if my body was capable without all the aniexty ., I didn’t wanna sit there and have attention on me and people making sure I was ok when it was her day not mine and didn’t wanna have a full blown panick in the church ( was bad in august that’s when her funeral was ) ..my sister in law would have understood.. she was 48
My dad was 68 and when I got the call he had collapsed I was like he is a fighter he will be ok and he will be fine just like the footballer was
Then I got the call that he had passed away that day was awful and so emotional .. cry and laugh at memories and cry more and laugh more
I do feel so sad that I’ll never see him again but i hold him close in my heart always .. we lost my nephew 2 years ago he was 28 ., I’ve never got over that and usually sit and cry randomly about him but I know what you mean about grief .. sneaks up when it wants too ..

I’m strong person usually and don’t show my emotions but lately they come when they come ( not daily ) but I can be sitting there and just think about them all and sob

My son heard me cry for first time in 28 years .. as I’ve never been a cry in front of people person .. but when all that was happening with sis in law .. then dad it’s like I had a leak too ..

Things will get better Suzy for us both , because they have too ..
We have to try stay strong and move forward ..
I’m quite pleased that today I actually did what I needed and wanted to do as didn’t want to have another set back..
We all thought news of my dad would set me back ., but it kinda pushed me forward as he would never want me to be like this ..

How you feeling now ? Do you have any plans for tonight .. Hope you feel better as the evening goes on

Xx

[Suzysheep]

I’m glad you are feeling so determined to be strong for your dad. … and I’m sorry you didn’t make your sister in laws funeral.
I don’t like to cry in front of anyone either, especially the boys ( I’ve got 3) . I try and hide it and just pretend I’m ok. Probably not good for us really….

I’m not great. Very anxious. Yesterday’s set back has affected me deeply I think. It’s going to take a while to get back there I think.
I’m just going to chill on the sofa and look on my iPad!!

[Michelle7474]

I’m very anxious tonight also mind you as been on and off most the day , I’ve just laid on bed & put tv on

I have to be headstrong or this will destroy me & I let it do that for a while.
I just keep thinking I had so many better days they must be due to come back soon again .. these blips can’t be forever I hope and pray they won’t be.

I always look on phone or iPad .. I have the tv on but never really watch the tv it’s just background
My sis was just on the phone sobbing her heart out.
My mom and dad divorced when we was in our teens .. but they remained good friends and my mom introduced him to his now wife as she said she didn’t like to see him alone … so he had me and my brothers with my mom then, Years later had my two sisters with his wife
We have always kept in touch and had a relationship with our dad but we have lived different areas , so wasn’t seeing him daily
Where as the two girls who are 30,31 have never known a life without him so I always try be there for them to keep them going .. and hearing them break their hearts , breaks mine
Such an emotional rollercoaster for us all at the moment and with all this aniexty on top it’s like … wooooahhhhhh give me a break ..

Suzy we will move on from this .. we just struggling at the moment but the struggle won’t last forever
I’m surprised your AD ain’t helping you yet.. I’ve read a AD that they have all said helped with aniexty been mentioned on this site a lot begins with M

Xx

[Michelle7474]

Mirtazapine That’s the name .. apparently it’s good for aniexty

[Suzysheep]

Have dragged myself out of bed into the garden this morning. Overwhelmed by anxiety. I have taken a propranolol  to see if that will calm me down a bit.  I don’t want to be taking diazepam every day.
I’m going to ring the dr tomorrow  morning . Maybe the citalopram isn’t working for me.  I’ll be nearly on week 5 of it and there’s only been a few better days. I’m sure I would be feeling better by now.

Sigh…….

[Michelle7474]

Hi Suzy .. I hope your day gets better ..
This aniexty is too much at times
Today is same for me
I had a banging headache last night which as stayed all through the night and this morning & still now .. didn’t sleep great with it throbbing
My Body just feels not right it’s one thing after another these past few days .. but what’s point phoning up places they just tell me it’s aniexty which winds me up.
I don’t normally get bad headaches had about 3 I would say in past year but this one as been on since last night .. I don’t mind niggly headaches as they pass but this one is getting on my nerves
I try not to take too much medication and I only take paracetamol to be honest

I got up out the bed and have just cooked a roast , and shoved all washing up in dish washer as I just can’t be bothered to do it by hand ( normally I would )
Hopefully this headache wears off .. last time I took tabs was 07.45 so I can take some but I hate having to keep popping pills .. 4head ain’t helping but I keep putting it on lol
I have used my sinus spray which I haven’t really had to use since April but Im hoping it helps as my ears feel clogged kinda thing so wondering if all connected as I felt slight sore throat other day ..
Why can’t we just have good days .. sometimes these things take their toll on your body and get fed up with it ..

Suzy I hope your day gets better and I hope you get answers off the GP
Think usually they say 4-6 with AD
But sometimes they help before ..
I’ve never taken them to be honest so I’m clueless on them just know what I read.

[Suzysheep]

Your headache might be hormonal. I get one that lasts 3 days no matter what I take ( and I’ll pop any pill, I’m not fussy) I’ve had one the last couple of days.
Well, the propranolol knocked me out for a good couple of hours… won’t be taking that again!
Husband drove me down to the beach for a swim… but I had a panic attack on the way, so had to come back.
I’m so sick of feeling so anxious… my whole body is feeling ill.
Surely it can’t be good to feel in a constant state of high anxiety? I’m worried about getting adrenal fatigue if it carries on much longer.
Sigh… a couple of good days, then wham.

At least you were able to cook and eat a roast Michelle… I’ve been fit for nothing today.

[Hopeful]

Oh Suzy I’m so sorry you are having a bad day, at my worst (which was for 3 months during lockdown) the feelings were constant and I couldn’t di hardly any cooking or housework.

Michelle I get annoying headaches and they usually stay for at least a day tablets don’t do anything.

Had a lovley meal out last night. And felt good, but today tired (chest feel like it has a weight on it and eyes heavy) also a little jittery. Have been out for run and shopping, just waiting for son to arrive.

[Michelle7474]

Suzy sorry your having another bad day

I did think it might be hormonal as the past 2 I had previously was hormonal Well that’s what I put it down too … I’m not on a period anymore that’s what made me think maybe this one wasn’t but who knows with our bodies ..

I’ve just eaten my roast ( well roasters and Yorkshire puds  and bit of chicken ) I don’t eat veg or anything so you wouldn’t call mine a roast .. no trimmings on my plate but all on husbands
Usually I eat at certain times but today this head as thrown me off my usual routine of eating plus didn’t fancy food when cooking it .. and I haven’t been hungry all day but have now demolished it because I know I’ve gotta eat … hoping might help with this poxy head of mine ..

Suzy it’s awful always feeling crap .. I thought yay things getting better then bang take that .. although I would say it’s not as intense as before as in 5 weeks ago but all the same it’s there and it’s getting on my tits now.. and then when you get added aches and pains it’s like jeeeeeeeeeez go away

Apart from the roast I’ve done nothing I’ve been on our bed browsing the Internet and tv on in back ground .. I’m bored of relaxing but my body needs it why it’s like this … winds me up
And this is the politest I’ve ever spoke about it .. if you was here you would most definitely hear bleep bleep bleep bleep

I didn’t like proponol and have not took it in over a month I couldn’t function on it .. although it did stop some of the symptoms but no I couldn’t handle it and I couldn’t sleep when I took it. 
My doc wouldn’t give me diazepam basically take proponol n AD or go without  more or less

Sorry you didn’t get to swim .. bloody awful when those panic attacks just come on .. and it don’t matter if it’s first one or 20th one they are still scary

I’m like you Suzy had enough
I wouldn’t be able to handle this for the rest of my life no Chance ..
I still hope and pray that we have good days ..
I’m waiting for my dinner to go down and getting back on our bed .. nothing more can be done today

Damn stupid hormones , damn stupid body ..

[Michelle7474]

Hi Helen
Glad you had a lovely evening & I hope your son arrives soon ..
I also hope the feelings you have pass ..

I hope this headache is only here for today.. feels like it’s an all over one but mainly at back do like a tension one .. I haven’t took any tabs since this morning as I hate taking them when they don’t help , but 4head as been used all day
My friend said to put vicks on my feet .. dunno what it’s meant to do , never heard of tht before , plus I have none anyways
I wonder if 4head do the same thing lol

Hope as the day goes on your feelings disappear Helen and you enjoy time with your son
I miss my son and miss him not living so close .. but I’m always on phone and video call with him Xx

[Suzysheep]

I’m glad you had such a nice time Helen. Hopefully you’re just having a bit of a wobble as you’re tired.
I’m not coping with housework or cooking either. My poor husband has to do it all.
Have a lovely time with your son xx

[Suzysheep]

Michelle… lol… you made me laugh saying it’s getting on your tits now!  At least we can find a bit of humour in this shitstorm !

I’ve tried to stay out of bed today… saying that I’ve just been laying in the garden or on the sofa… same difference really!

Had a couple of calmer hours after the bath… but can feel the anxiety creeping in a bit now……