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[Mindfulmoomins]

Hi everyone,

Just reaching out as I feel really low and wobbly today. I felt like this last Thursday. I can’t stop crying and am finding it difficult to find my centre if that makes sense (this is how I felt in the first few months of pregnancy - but I’m definitely not pregnant!).

My week got a lot better last week. I spoke to the GP last Thursday and my antidepressant was increased. I guess it’s only been a week but it did feel like it was helping along with the increase in Estrogel Studd clinic suggested. My estrogen levels last Thursday were 230 which is low when you have reproductive depression I understand so I emailed the clinic to ask them if I need more oestrogen or whether to give it time as I only added the extra two pumps of Estrogel to the Estradot 100mcg a week and half ago. They are getting back to me tomorrow.

Anyway, thank you for being here. My tears have stopped.

Xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

I read this yesterday in Matt Haig’s ‘The comfort book’. Posting it just in case it helps anyone else. Goodness know perimenopause is a time for comfort!

‘Candle

When things go dark, we can’t see what we have. That doesn’t mean we don’t have those things. Those things remain, right there in front of us. All we need is to light a candle, or ignite some hope, and we can see that what we thought was lost was merely hidden’

Xx

[Michelle7474]

Hi mindfulmoomins

Just wanted to leave a message to say I hope the day & weeks get better for you.
Take one day at a time that’s what I’m doing .. most days are the same but tomorrow can always be a better day

Could be the increase in your AD that making you feel like this also

Perfect quote about light a candle .. because we lose nothing , we just misplace it sometimes in our thoughts

Hope your day gets better as it goes along

Xxx

[CLKD]

   I hated waking like that.   . It takes me till mid-morning to 'come round', even now.

4 me the longer I had been depressed between stopping and re-starting ADs, the longer it would take my medication to kick in, because the brain is an organ which often gets forgotten.  It takes time for the uptake.  I didn't take my tablet last night and my legs have been weak and wobbly, I 2 keep reminding myself why! But I could soon go under .......

I like the 'candle' idea.  Little steps.  I spent many hours laying on the sofa waiting for medication to work and worrying that it might not.  It did pass. 

[Mindfulmoomins]

Thank you Michelle and CLKD, your words and support mean a lot xxx

[CLKD]

That cortisol hormone which wakes us was my problem for several years, I would wake terrified around 3.30 a.m..  Propranolol helped.  I would have taken heroin had I believed it would help!  Fortunately my GP and DH is supportive.

[Pippa52]

So sorry to hear this - its so hard to deal with life when you feel like this.  I so hope you start to feel better very soon.  Sending love and hugs and empathy xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Thank you Pippa, I appreciate that xxx

[EllaAurora]

Hi and sorry to hear you've had a bad day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better!
I think I know what you mean with the feeling of not finding your center. I have often similar feelings, somehow feels like shaking and nervous internally, and not being grounded. It's a really disturbing feeling.

Its good you're in contact with Studd clinic again and will get their advice. Estradiol 230 seems low compared to your dose, so perhaps your absorption is not great and you need higher doses to reach good levels.

Take care and let us know how you get on! xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Thank you so much Ella xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Spoke to the clinic (Studd) this morning. They were reassuring that it was early days with the increase in Estrogel and it can take 3-6 weeks. I can also go up to 3 pumps plus my Estradot 100 mcg.

I feel a bit better this morning, just exhausted. Going to try and forget about it all and have a day with my daughter.

Thank you everyone for your support on this journey. Xxx

[Shell babes]

Shaking and nervous internally struck a cord with me this morning as I lie on the couch with tears streaming down my face. Also that cortisol woke me at 4am this morning and that I couldn’t get back to sleep. I applaud all ladies going through this, it is awful and lately I am having days where I feel I can’t carry on.

[Michelle7474]

Shell babes
I hope you feel better as day goes on .. o feel you in every sense
I’m sat here all nerves & shakes internally .. and it’s seems never ending
Aniexty .. well that’s every day just lately
But I don’t know it’s my hormones trying to regulate
I lost me in all this … I hate it but I try and push on ( usually fail )
It’s strange tho as usually by evening I start to settle out

I try and think positive & then when all this happens it questions your brain as in how and why is this happening

Your not alone , even though at times we think we are

I hope your day gets better .. and you have more positive better days

I’m only at the beginning of this rollercoaster.. I wish there was an easier  way out … I came off HRT 16 days ago so I’m waiting on my own hormones to settle and hopefully regulate

Sending you the biggest hug & hoping you feel better as day goes on Xx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Shell and Michelle,

I totally understand how you both feel.

Sending you both huge hugs.

Xxx

[Shell babes]

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate both your replies, just knowing that someone else understands. I have also lost me, where have I gone, the fun loving girl with lots of confidence. It’s like I’m grieving the person I once was. I know you understand and probably feel the same. It’s like someone or something has taken over my brain and I’m so scared. Big hugs to you both too and thank you so much for your kind words, it brought a tear to my eye yet again today. Strangely, my menopause nightmare has been going on for two year and I have rarely cried but today is like a water shed for me as I feel broken in two x