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[Iris67]

I think I need to add..it's not the number that bothers me - I've always been a rebel and don't accept any societal limitations around age. It's identity - I was a tennis/badminton/cricket player. I fenced, hiked and climbed. I just didn't expect it to all go so suddenly at menopause, like dropping off a cliff rather than the male version, a slower lessening of strength.

[Taz2]

Hi Star35. I believe that we have been, and are still going, through such a strange and horrible time over the past year that we should go with our instincts as to what is best for us at the moment. Although we have the vaccine programme there is still no guarantee as to when life will return to "normal" if, indeed, it ever will.  You say you are "only 60" yet this is the time not too long ago when women retired from work to do just as you are doing now - what they want to do. Before lockdown I had a really busy job and was definitely a sociable person. Out at my lovely local pub at least five evenings a week and lunchtimes over the weekend. That makes me sound like an alcoholic but I only ever had one glass of wine due to having to drive there  . I also was going to loads of music gigs each month. When lockdown first happened I made the decision to finally retire (I'm 67 now) which has been a big change in my life. There was also, obviously, no pubs or music to go to and for the first six months I mourned the loss of social time and not being able to see my lovely sons was dreadful. I was also suffering (quietly and well hidden from everyone) from anxiety. During lockdown the anxiety totally disappeared (so lovely!)  and I realised just how anxious I was when going out, having people stay over, visiting family, being the "go-to" mum and friend but now I didn't have any expectations to meet. Yesterday, for the first time since August, a friend invited me to have a drink in a local pub garden. I was so happy to accept but then the doubts and worries began to creep in and the anxiety was back - just like that - very frustrating but I understand it more now. I went. It was fine and despite the chilly wind we had a good catch up and a laugh. It's taught me to actually just "be" and if I don't want to do something then I can pick and choose.

I think the way back out into "normal" life is gradually - it's been a chance to take stock and realise that not all that we did was right for us. I'm not sure of your history but maybe you've been very busy up to now and you are recharging  -  I know I am!

Taz x 

[CLKD]

On the back of that Taz., 2020 was the best year 4 me ever, the 1st year I have felt well .   . We weren't affected directly by C-19 other than Mum's health deteriorating.  Boris said 'don't go' so I didn't ;-)

[Taz2]

I think a lot of people felt the same. On the one hand it was difficult to cope with the worry of the virus and the awful consequences for so many people but on the other it removed so many of life's day to day stresses. My partner has enjoyed the lack of family gatherings. We always get together for birthdays and Mothers Day, Easter, Christmas. He's worked out that by the end of next month we will have missed thirteen occasions when the family "descend" (his term for it) on us for a meal and general get together or, worse, stay for a few days!  It's also been better for him not having to go into work for the majority of it as he enjoys being alone. I love socialising but not formally. For me the fact I can go to a familiar pub and catch up with people but arrive and leave when I like is great. I think you are the same CLKD - enjoying spontaneous things more rather than having something booked up in advance which can cause the anxiety to rise.

Taz x

[Dierdre]

I love family gatherings when they're at other's houses.  I hate having company at mine, i feel anxious all the time,  cant relax, dont enjoy being a host at all and cant wait for them to go, then feel awful for feeling this way when they've gone. It sounds awful.  I wish i could be as relaxed in company at home.

[Taz2]

It's the pressure we put on ourselves for some obscure reason. I wonder why? I had a wonderful childhood and upbringing so it's not as if I've lived with fear and criticism. Everyone else seems to do it all far better than me but I'm sure my family and friends don't realise that's how I feel so maybe they aren't quite what they seem to be either1!

Taz x 

[CLKD]

Women are raised to be like that!  To be all things to all people?
Yep Taz, spontaneous that's me 

[star35]

Hi Taz you made some very good points of Which I totally agree with..  I did lead a very busy life before and I suppose I just thought that's what I should do again, but reading every ones replies it's helped me realise I am more than happy with the slower pace and as you say I think the answer is to do things gradually. I to suffer from anxiety and much prefer to be spontaneous . We are national trust members but at the moment you have to book so won't be doing that for a while, I like to see how I feel of a morning then decide what I will do for the day.

[CLKD]

Exactly star35 - I want to visit Zoos but 1 has to book    .  Even though we live within 70 mins. drive of 3, it's too much to look forwards to doing!

My day is fairly rigid in that I get up, dress, check my chin for hairs, breakfast; sort laundry/dishwasher, feed the birds.  Then look at the weather. Then decide.  By then my breakfast has kicked in and I feel able to face the day; at least until lunchtime.  I prefer to get up and go if we are travelling, even 2 go shopping, then home where it's safe.  If after lunch I feel OK we go somewhere else, usually a garden centre or walk by the canal  . 

Have I lost confidence: not a word I would use 4 myself but I do have to know what's ahead.  I won't take crap from any1 these days either  .  I no longer mix with people because it is expected, what TF was *that* about  who was I trying to impress or why did I think that I *had* 2 join in  .  Suddenly I became selfish ........  as long as DH is OK then I'm happy with that as he doesn't put me under pressure.