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[Padine]

We met with DIL and grandsons yesterday at a swing park, and had a picnic in the sunshine. I came home very down in the dumps and have analysed the whole day today. I came up with this list:

1. desperate for a wee soon as we arrived (DIL said she would come looking for a loo with me as she needed to go to  -  she's lovely like that, made me feel a bit better)
2. had to walk up a hill and had to go very slowly, had to stop for a rest
3. worried about sitting down on picnic rug incase I couldn't get up again (this happened last time 4 weeks ago, son was with them and gave some cheeky comment which doesn't normally get
    to  me, as I can give as good as I get)
4. worried I'd drop my 6-month-old GS and could feel myself shaking as I held him
5. on our way back to the car, (this was the saddest bit)  3 yr old GS wanted to hold my hand and run down the hill saying "Running Granny, c'mon Granny, running!" I managed but was so
   scared I would fall.
   
 Does anyone else have down days because they are getting old? I say I don't care about getting old, but how I feel now and how I imagined being 62 are different. I could do with losing some weight too as I've gradually got heavier, but I haven't the will to stop eating chocolate or cheese. Then I feel I must be accepting of growing old, as I can't be bothered to change. Does growing older make anyone more tearful than usual?

[Iris67]

I am only 53 but I have had days where I would like to go to sleep and not wake up. I was super sporty and fit for decades, attractive (ish) and had tons of energy and optimism. I even went through cancer (aggressive) and survived. The menopause has been BRUTAL and no-one prepares you for it. I've lost half my hair, have body aches every day, have a prolapse (grade 2) front and back, haven't had sex for 2 years due to painful paper thin skin, my eyesight is going, hands are swollen in the mornings, osteoporosis, you name it.

I think the cancer took all of my fight and courage. I've had 5 surgeries for various things since the age of 18, up to 8 years ago. Really thought I was due for an easier time. I can't do the things I would like, that are 'me'. I can't see the point of a grim decline towards the end.

Keep playing the lottery in the desperate hope I'll win enough to go to a posh clinic to 'fix' it all.

If anyone reads this please be gentle - I've bared my soul and said things I wouldn't say to anyone else...

[CLKD]

I think my head remains at 16.  My body reminds me otherwise  .  [not far off 70]. Acceptance is so hard.  However, the World has been through a huge upheaval and we need to realise that it will take a while to get 'back' to anywhere near where we were.  Little steps.  I have bought a pedometer so chart movements, not necessarily steps but 2 give an idea of how much my body moves. 

I remember Granny saying "You show me how, I've forgotten" when she was tired.  Kids accept it.  Try not to see it from what you think they might be thinking!!

Some people have to mourn their younger years.  Then reconsider what they will be doing: i.e. reconfiguring their diet, upping exercise regime etc.; 1 needs enthusiasm to alter an easily lived routine.  Hence my pedometer 

Don't try to change it all at once?

[star35]

I am so glad you have posted this as it is exactly how I feel some days. I am only 60 and never thought I would feel like this at this age. Some days I can carry on as normal and then suddenly I realize I have more years behind me than I do in front of me

[CLKD]

Oh I get that lurch as I drop off to sleep  - nearly 70  .........

[Padine]

I’m pleased I shared this, thanks  Irish, Star and CLKD you’ve made me feel not so alone. I’m going to the optician tomorrow as my eyes are getting gradually different, I keep getting appointments for things wrong and have no confidence on the phone, even to friends. I look forward to bedtime as I feel “safe”. I never feel that I want to get up to anything and I feel guilty as I’ve not achieved very much during the last 15months or so. Star, you sum it up well saying “more years behind you than before”, I don’t know how to embrace being older.

[carina]

Hello there

This is all so true, describes how I feel exactly.
I am 75, pushing 76, and know I am nearing the end of my life.
Friends and family, some younger them me are dying.
My husband of 58 years is four years older and I dread anything happening to him.
It's scary!!!

Since lock down I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for anything.
Why bother to get up, why shower and dress, I am not going anywhere, no one will see me.
I have put on weight (already big) and my hair is too long, I look a mess.

I still have hot flushes and my VA drives me nuts.

BUT I know I am loved and I know things will improve for everyone.
So I hang on in there.

Try to stay strong.

[star35]

Hi Carina yes I understand the lack of enthusiasm even now coming out of lock down I am just not excited about resuming my old way of life. It's not fear of getting back out there I just have no interest to do so.

[CLKD]

Then don't go back to what you did previously?  This Pandemic has given the World an opportunity.  Each of us takes what is necessary from that opportunity.

When DH asks me whether we are going out today, I have to sit back and think.  It often takes a cuppa and a pause to go through what I had planned and how going out will alter the original plans.  I can make me feel overwhelmed if I have to alter my plans, I feel already that we are 'back' to the rush B4 lock down!

When several ill with depression in the 1990s, I would make a list each evening.  Ticking off items in the day enabled me to see what I had actually achieved and not worry as much about 'sitting about doing nothing'.

Half a day at a time still suits me ;-)

[star35]

I don't need to go back to what I did previously but it worries me that I don't want to, does that make sense. I do certainly enjoy the slower pass. DH and I do enjoy time spent together and we go walking quite a bit so I haven't actually been stuck indoors I just don't have enthusiasm for anything else.

[Dierdre]

On the days i worked from home i didnt bother getting dressed, im so glad i didnt retire as planned as im sure i wouldnt have bothered getting out of bed some days during the last lockdown if i hadnt got work. Been looking after my grandchildren during the school hols and thats done me good, going out by the river on long treks; hardly able to move next day as so stiff and unfit but mentally better.

Been suffering with health anxiety since having the AZ vaccine, every ache and pain is a blood clot!

The dishwasher broke and the stress of ordering a new one and arranging to have installed was totally out of proportion, anyone would think i was having the house rebuilt.

Covid has changed peoples lives physically and mentally, i know my priorities and expectations  have changed.  I think things have slowed down aswell, doesn't seem to be such a rat race out there anymore. I imagine it was a bit like this after the war trying to get back to normal but things never quite the way it was before.

[CLKD]

You said it: you enjoy the slower pace : we were on a roll in the 1990s, until illness stopped me going out.  I never returned to those busy social evenings, we found other things to enjoy.  Then we got on a roll relating to new hobbies ........

mayB list your hobbies?  Take a fresh look at what is available in your area.i.e. walks, museums, cafes as they open.  I am currently avoiding large crowds, i.e. antique fairs or shopping centres, preferring to buy clothing on line.  Shoes however  .  I'll not be queueing any time soon ;-)

star35 - R U depressed?  How are your VitD levels?  When my levels were low 3 years ago I would do 20 mins weeding then sit still for 2 hours, I began to believe I had something terminal  .  Mum had those symptoms that Summer even though we both spent a lot of time in the sunshine.  Capsules cured that and now I am aware of symptoms. 

I suppose that I get out of bed, mornings are great in that I can get on, by mid-afternoon I get the 'can't be bothered' feeling: and as there are programmes on TV that I enjoy, I can easily sit to watch with a cuppa.   

[star35]

Depression has crossed my mind or am I just enjoying doing nothing,at the moment I just can't work it out. I just feel I should return to how life was but then again why should I. It's hard trying to get it sorted in my mind I would say I am happy with what I do now I just keep thinking I should want to do what I did before

[CLKD]

I think as we emerge and pick up as well as days becoming warmer, we will find we are doing things without realising it.  Is there a rush?  If we are happy for most of the day and not laying awake at night thinking 'I ought 2 have ....... '.  Take time to sniff the roses ;-)

We still shop when there are less people around so that my anxiety is kept as low as possible.  I am still happy to sit in our garden on warmer days than even think about going anywhere  but Himself .......... 

What I don't want to happen is 4 me to take on too much = panic attacks which stops me in my tracks  . 

Padine - do you lack stamina, I certainly do.  We have slopes around our village and due to lack of exercise, I find that I have to stop or mentally gear myself up to tackle them.  I can understand that, years ago after a 2-3 mile walk those slopes would be hard work ........ and now I have been quite simply, lazy.  If you have to stop due to painful legs you may have a medical condition, intermittent claudication - which needs checking by a GP.  If it's simply getting back to an exercise level, doing a little further each day will help.  [I've bought a pedometer to check movement,  not necessarily steps as it tells me more than I know that I've done LOL!]

Babies squirm - mayB sit on a chair with him next time?  One arm round his waist so that should he slide you can guide him to the floor.  The other GS wasn't worried about falling, but women can see danger B4 it happens  . I remember the Uncles/Dad allowing me to walk along the prom wall, with the Aunts/Mum telling them 'to be careful in case she falls'.  Different outlook on Life 

[Dierdre]

I went on a retirement course before lockdown last year and we were taught how to manage finances, pensions, etc but the most interesting part was a talk on how to manage nothing to do.  How to cope with no structure and enjoy it.  How to not feel guilty when you laze around and not know what day it is.  I think it'll just take time to adapt.