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[Padine]

 Hi, we talked sensibly, no shouting but lots of listening. A few couples we are friendly with have similar Stress (with capital S) so maybe I was hasty when I started this thread a few weeks ago. Thanks for listening to my worries and helping me through this tough time.

Vikki, I know how you feel after a long marriage, could you have a trial separation? That way you don't have the pressure of feeling guilty. If being single after some time turns out to be what you do want, you will feel stronger and more able to make life-changing decisions. I'm guessing you are 45/50? You have loads of time left to be that shining girl again - single or together.
    Good luck xx

[CLKD]

Do not compare yourself with others. Most put on a 'face' when in company or a 'telephone voice'.

What is his take Padine? 

[Padine]

He is going to try not to be in such a rush to get things done and remember that my views are as valid as his. Eg. he was going for a short walk one day last week and asked did I want to go too? I said no. Before this I would have gone with him as I thought he expected me to do so. I did find it difficult to say no as I've always done what he I thought he wanted me to do/say, I felt I had more self-respect in doing what ! wanted to do.( I know that maybe sounds trivial but the build-up of small things were making a pot of resentment, hopefully no more!)

[CLKD]

Certainly not trivial at all.  "I'll remain at home this time, enjoy your walk and bring back news about what you have seen and heard." it's a lovely time of year with new things every day to share ;-).

OK if he wants to rush, but not to make you feel that you aren't keeping up?  Sometimes we get into the habit of thinking that our partner wants this/that etc., without actually asking.  1 should never assume [it's got me into trouble a lot!].  DH often tells me that he is not a mind reader