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[Postmeno3]

I feel for you, truly. The reasons you give above are exactly why I was suggesting Relate, for you. Not knowing what to do is exactly why they're there. To help you clarify things for yourself, first. To take stock. I don't imagine he would go with you if he doesn't have a clue how unhappy you are. Or, can you write him a letter? Needn't be a tome. Just, "I'm not happy. Can you help me understand why? Can we talk or get help?" There are options.

[jaypo]

I think if there COULD be a chance with relate,then definitely go for it but,if you just don't love him then that's a different matter,with me, I had no feelings whatsoever for my ex,it turned to hatred latterly and that isn't a healthy feeling to carry around

[VikkiP]

Hi all, i’ve decided to move out for awhile,  give myself some time. Going to rent somewhere for 6 months. But to be honest, i want to be single again, i think this is just the start to the end, but will give me space to think, to get to inow myself again. I was a wonderful shining teenager, and i met hubby and had a child by 19 and my sparkle was just crushed by living, but now that sparkle is back, and i want to live again. I don’t know what the future will bring (but then no one does, i mean, just look at Covid!) but i have a lot i want to do, by myself, it’s going to be scary, but also exciting!! I will be having discussion this weekend, i hope i dont bottle out.
Hope you are all well and sorry if i have jumped on this thread, i will start a new thread once i am a bit further forward xxxx

[CLKD]

Good Luck.  MayB write him a letter, short and to the point.  Thanking him for any kindness shown along the way etc.. 

[VikkiP]

To be honest, i hope to stay friends, but who knows, we have been together a long time (28 years) I don’t think i could leave with a letter, plus he hates reading, which was one strike against him as i love reading. But, i cant carry on this way anymore xx

[CLKD]

What scares you the most, what's the worst that might happen?  He will be hurt and puzzled unless he wants out too.

[jaypo]

Good luck Vikki,this way,you'll know for sure,you'll either feel so free and happy or you'll miss him,I really wish you all the luck

[Ms Peak]

Hi Vikki
Go girlie. I left my now ex my second husband 7 years ago.... I loved him no longer, he was having an affair abd treating me like an idiot.
He went away for a week no contact at all the look on his face when he walks back in to my bags packed was priceless.... I adore my new life with a man who treats me like a princess. I finally know what love, respect and fun are....
Enjoy your new life ahead
Ms Peaks

[jaypo]

Good for you Ms Peak,it takes courage for a woman especially but if I can do it, I think anyone can,life is way too short to be unhappy all the time

[Ms Peak]

Hi Jaypo.
2014 was the best and worst year of my life ever.
I left the ex and took the plunge to go it alone sadly six months later my eldest DS from my 1st marriage died by taking his life. I live my days with him within me adventures, new chapters and I smile always........ Life is way too short to be living with unhappiness..... I should know.
Ms Peaks

[jaypo]

Life can be so cruel and such a struggle,is it all for a reason?
So sad re your DS something I'm sure you'll never get over but I'm happy you have found a good man to support you 💖

[VikkiP]

Thank you all for your support, and Ms Peak, sending you hugs, i’m glad to hear you can smile and live your adventures.
I just dont want to be with him, but feel guilty? Like i should just give my head a shake and carry on, not cause any upset or upheaval? But then thats me miserable for the rest of my life?
I’m not looking forward to it, but i should just remember to be firm and factual.
Xx

[Postmeno3]

And grateful, as CLKD suggested, too. Grateful for the undoubted good times and for his letting you go. So important he hears that, at the time.

[sheila99]

I would urge caution. We're not living a normal life atm and perhaps (or perhaps not) you'll feel differently when we're back to normal. Perhaps you would have been just as fed up in lockdown had you been on your own. Don't assume you can go back if you don't like being on your own, he may decide not to have you back. If my OH moved out I wouldn't give him the option to hurt me like that again. Being friends works for the one who's leaving but rarely for the one left behind.
  I'm not saying don't do it, you have to do what makes you happy, but maybe investigate other avenues first (like relate) before you jump. I would say you owe it to yourself as well as your OH to make sure you get it right.
  I do know someone who left and wishes she hadn't. Her husband has moved on with another woman (OK she did it to herself, it's the child I feel sorry for).

[Postmeno3]

I think there is a great deal of wisdom coming from sheila99's neutrality. Personally, I struggle with this notion of seeking happiness. For me, my happiness is my own responsibility and can't be provided by others? When I have those periods of inner contentment, I find my capacity for others and ability to tolerate them is much greater. Is happiness an "inside job"?