Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Padine]

 Sadly, I’ve finally realised why I’m unhappy within myself. Nobody would know as I put on a very brave face but I can’t try any longer. Does anyone else feel this way?

[CLKD]

We all need to feel validated, whether it's at work, in friendships, with partners, parents ........... we need to feel listened to and cared for.

C-19 is allowing many to reevaluate their relationships, bringing out the cracks that no one wants to address.

[sheila99]

Covid is making everything so much worse, you're forced to spend more time with him and the normal escape routes - friends, activities etc - have largely gone. Is there any possibility of relationship counselling? If you're unhappy something needs to change whether that's inside the marriage or out of it. Do you have any close friends you could confide in?
 

[monalisa]

Was in a bad marriage for years had four sons and after 20 odd years he went off with another woman thankfully the  marriage was finished anyway and it was relief for me but I went through hell with him trying to force me to sell the house court battles etc no financial support from him for my boys etc.

Moving forward several years after me being a single mum with my boys I went on a dating site and met the most loving caring man a real gentleman old school we married and 12 years later we are soul mates

I would never have believed it in a million years how my life has turned around now , dreams do come true .

[Padine]

We had a huge row then decided we didn’t want to split up. I told him how unhappy I felt with eg. last Monday after my gruelling hour+ gyn appointment, I was putting my jacket in back seat and he told me to hurry up and get in as other cars may need that waiting space. Never mind how are you? Or anything, I felt really hurt. I didn’t bother with other grievances eg. he doesn’t like me using my phone while watching TV (I do get that but there are adverts and boring bits of the news) He hasn’t read anything about menopause I ask him to, he doesn’t believe it lasts 10 years (peri - post) he thought it lasted 2 years! But he can be loving at times  and I don’t want for anything, so I’m going to be more assertive, and concentrate more on good points of our marriage.
C 19:doesn’t help either !

[Sage 🍃]

Was in a bad marriage for years had four sons and after 20 odd years he went off with another woman thankfully the  marriage was finished anyway and it was relief for me but I went through hell with him trying to force me to sell the house court battles etc no financial support from him for my boys etc.

Moving forward several years after me being a single mum with my boys I went on a dating site and met the most loving caring man a real gentleman old school we married and 12 years later we are soul mates

I would never have believed it in a million years how my life has turned around now , dreams do come true .

What a wonderful outcome, monalisa! Thank you, it gives me hope!  (one for you and one for your soul mate)

[CLKD]

I think we get into ruts.  We need to be more open.  How about the pencil conversation - with someone to over-see that emotions don't get out of control Pandine?  The idea being that the 1 holding the pencil has the table for 10 mins.  The other jots down irritating issues from that conversation.  A break of 5 mins then the other person responds.

It can take weeks of 1/2 sessions.  But it takes the heat out of what can become repeated issues raised in each argument.

Also: 'how does X, Y, Z make you feel' rather than 'when you say/do X, Y, Z it makes me feel ....... '

[Sage 🍃]

Padine, I don't have any words of wisdom for you, I think marriages are alien creatures, I could never understand them! Just wish you lots of patience (breathe!) and little joys (we usually forget them when we're stressed) and that your husband can see what a great wife he has! 

[Padine]

Oh dear Avalon, my heart goes out to you and admiration for being such a brave lady. His blog shows the fool he is but I’m guessing no one has the courage (or can be bothered with such an idiot) to disagree with him. Good that you are no longer together and I’m sorry you had to go through all of this.

How are your children? I do hope some, if not all of them support their Mum. If you’d rather not speak about this anymore I quite understand. Wish I could help.
 

[CLKD]

Padine - R there trigger points?  R they the same all the while - I remember my parents arguing and it would same old. Same old.  But that never solved anything as they were not listening  and now that I know that Mum has narcissistic tendencies I am aware of the undercurrents.

Does DH want to change anything?

[Padine]

Not really CLKD, but he doesn’t like me being “lazy”, he is ALWAYS busy but sometimes I like read a book or watch TV as we are retired now. And I argue when he makes a comment. Our boys tell him to leave me to do what I want. This past year has been the worst scenario possible as we can’t get time apart. I think we’ll get through it 
Thanks for asking , doesn’t look so bad written out 🤞

[CLKD]

His always being busy doesn't mean that you have to be up and at it.  We do different things at different times.  After years of depression when I was unable to do much so every day is a bonus.

Are there chores that you could do in the morning leaving you to please yourselves after lunch?  That's how we work ;-)

[groundhog]

We had a huge row then decided we didn’t want to split up. I told him how unhappy I felt with eg. last Monday after my gruelling hour+ gyn appointment, I was putting my jacket in back seat and he told me to hurry up and get in as other cars may need that waiting space. Never mind how are you? Or anything, I felt really hurt. I didn’t bother with other grievances eg. he doesn’t like me using my phone while watching TV (I do get that but there are adverts and boring bits of the news) He hasn’t read anything about menopause I ask him to, he doesn’t believe it lasts 10 years (peri - post) he thought it lasted 2 years! But he can be loving at times  and I don’t want for anything, so I’m going to be more assertive, and concentrate more on good points of our marriage.
C 19:doesn’t help either !

Padine,  I can relate to what you say. We’ve been married 40 years and it’s been difficult.  I’ve had an op pretty much every year of our married life and the last one caused life changing complications and now a pandemic to add to everything !  I’m not consistent, at 10am I wanted to leave forever as he told me I hadn’t loaded the dishwasher properly 😡 by 3pm we were walking by a river holding hands.  I’m mega sensitive, he’s a dinosaur.  It’s difficult.  We are in a Covid rut and together 24/7.  We’ve had couples counselling and she thinks we can weather the storm .
I hope you can too, it’s a rollercoaster for some of us so it’s hard to make a decision and be sure as I know I’m not consistent.  Good luck, hope it works out ok x

[CLKD]

Of course, it's not a pencil at all but a wooden spoon ............ 

How do you intend to bring problems to the fore so that arguments don't become a habit without solving issues?

[Padine]

Ah.....but what size of wooden spoon do you suggest  :: 
We tried to sort out one issue this morning  before it got out of hand, and it’s how I react to the way he says things and what he says. I apologised.
            We do try to have busy mornings and relaxing afternoons but he does everything quicker than anyone I know, I’m the opposite (dead slow but not stop!)
I’ve my Zoom exercise class tomorrow so an hour to myself with a group of lovely lady friends ((who know nothing of all this), we are even going to build a snowman on Thursday if there’s as much snow as is forecast.

Nicola has us locked down for the next 5 weeks, I could weep       x