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[Autumn69]

Good afternoon

I have been diagnosed as peri menopausal and suffering from really bad anxiety. As well as this I'm finding myself avoiding people and situations. Was on Prozac but it really upsets my stomach. So trying to come off of it and go it alone !  Question is my step daughter who lives with us is really acting out and causing a wedge of disagreement and yes we have spoke to her continuously but at 20 she knows best, like we all thought we did at that age. So is my anxiety hormonal or is it my step daughter? Really struggling and being newly married it's really hard on our relationship

Anyone able to help or relate

[CLKD]

Hormonal all round.  Two females in the house hold = sparks 

Browse round.  Both of you ;-).    ........

Some ladies find keeping a mood/food/symptom diary of use.  Maybe decide which symptom you would like to ease first?  If you have anxiety there is no reason not to take an anti-anxiety medication - Prozac is for depression  and it made me have rages 

It is often easier as we adjust to 'the Change' to avoid others until we get a handle on how we feel.  Don't stop exercising though and keep an eye on diet and exercise regime.  Eating little and often can ease anxiety surges - I have to eat B4 my body is hungry or anxiety floors me 

Let your husband deal with his daughter?  You are not her friend nor a parent.  It's up to him to put foot down with firm hand.  How ever old, she is a guest in your household!  How much she does around the house to help should be automatic - i.e. cooking meals, sorting her laundry ......

[CLKD]

Sit these Girls down and have The Talk!!

Put it to them how you remember having attitude at their age - they won't believe you  - get them to do more around the house, if not they don't get laundry done and meals cooked.  If they want to be 'grown up' they need to act it.  If they lived in their own property they could slum it as much as they want, in your house ?

[Kathleen]

Hello Autumn69 and welcome to the forum.

The anxiety that comes with the menopause really is the pits so you have my sympathy.

I find that when my anxiety is raging I often attribute it to my environment or those around me. However when I'm feeling calmer ( which isn't often but lovely when it happens) those same situations don't trigger an anxious response at all. It's as if my brain registers that I'm jittery and tries to help by identifying a possible problem that I could actually do something about.

Fortunately both my children had  left home by the time the worst of my symptoms kicked in but my neighbour has had to deal with her two teenager sons during her menopause and it's not pretty lol!

I'm sure some ladies will be along with practical advice but I would say that it's hormonal changes that are pushing your buttons as much if not more than your stepdaughter.

Take care and keep posting.

K.

[Autumn69]

Thanks. He is taking hold I just feel guilty. Her mum passed away a long time ago and she's hitting guilt button with her dad. He sacrificed a lot as any parent would and does and she is acting the victim. I've tried to help her grow up buts it's 2 fingers to me so I've backed off. Have enough on plate.

What anti depressants have you found useful?  If any !! 

I'm trying exercise and meditation lol and take advice on little often. X

[CLKD]

She may be in mourning. She may be angry that her Dad took up with someone else rather than concentrating on her.  She is finding her way in the World and if Mum died during her early years, may be late to mature.

Suggest to your husband that he sits down to talk with her - maybe over a pint at the pub., on a walk or cycle ride: my therapist suggested that I write a letter to the person causing me angst, putting it into an envelope and then reading it 6 months later.  The other idea was: where do you want to be in 7 day's time, 3 weeks, 3 months ....... to give some structure to my life.  I also kept a journal: vent, vent, vent!

Menopause can't be explained, it has to be experienced.  Explaining that your periods are now waxing and waning [or what ever the symptoms are] means that you don't feel as well as you might [etc..].  How is she with her periods? 

Stop feeing guilty - what about for Goodness Sake ?

[Autumn69]

Thanks again.

She has been without her mum longer than I've been in her life. Let's just say we don't agree with her choices for various reasons and she's been a typical young adult. Problem is when I try to talk to him I'm the issue as I need to show more forgiveness. Ends up being about us rather than her. Like the other lady said terrible to say I could walk this now. I dint have a great time growing up with my mum not being there and I've always been sympathetic. Been slapped I face too many times with behaviour and lies. Just got told that I used to be so happy when we met and positive and now have a black heart and unforgiving

[CLKD]

You stay for what reason?

 

[Autumn69]

Love and hoping this is temp and only hormone related.

Think time to go to Docs again maybe HRT could help?

[CLKD]

Love - yep.  I can remember how I fell 

He is probably between a rock and a hard place. 

I was engaged at 21 and married by 22 ......... at work from the age of 18. 

[sheila99]

Not an easy situation. Probably her nose is out of joint because she's no longer his top priority and she's trying to get his attention. I think you're right to keep out of it, you're in a situation where you can't win. In untreated peri I had anxiety too and also on a very short fuse and emotionally unstable so wouldn't have coped well in a situation like this. Are you on HRT? Might be worth talking to you gp about it. It won't improve her behaviour but it might make it easier for you to cope with it.

[Autumn69]

Call docs tomorrow to discuss HRT.  I can't win and don't have energy to deal with it this now.

He won't see it way I do and visa versa.

Thanks for comments

[CLKD]

However: he made his choice and should present a united front!

[CLKD]

Let us know how you get on, will you take a list of symptoms to your appt.?

[Autumn69]

Yes and try up exercise as that's my outlet.

Thanks everyone had another huge chat with husband last night and today another day x