Hello, just thought I'd check in with you lovely ladies.
The doctor's appt on Wednesday went really well. Turns out all my bloods were back and that seemed to make a huge difference as they're all great. The doc said she wasn't worried about my BP at all. It peaks high, like it would for someone under a lot of stress, but my morning readings are perfectly fine, almost better than fine. We had a brief chat about why I was so messed up in the head about all of this, and she said it's likely because of two factors, me saying I drink slightly over the weekly limit, and because I'm an ex-smoker. Apparently, it's generally accepted that they double whatever it is you admit to drinking, and if you've been a smoker, they make certain judgements which are usually right about your lifestyle. Long story short, it appears they were trying to shock me into changing a lifestyle they thought I had ... Well, I was shocked, horribly, and then just ended up in a tail spin. Now they have my bloods, they can see there's nothing wrong with my kidneys or liver or pancreas, so they started treating me differently.
The doc's advice was to increase the BP medication to 5mgs of Ramipril, and while I've had a couple of low readings, I do still seem to be in the 150 / 90 zone (it's quite a bit lower than this earlier in the day). She was also quite keen that I should lose a couple of stone (currently 11.5, 5ft 4"). I did realise that while my main diet is fine, I do tend to snack out a bit, so it's fruit and calorie counting for a while. I've also upped my step count on my Fitbit thingy ... I've signed up for the mindfulness, pilates and yoga at lunchtime at work. I know it seems like more, and a plan, and another goal, but on the plus side, it's also about me and being away from my desk and creating new habits, putting myself first. I checked out swimming as well, and was surprised to find my little local pool is a lot more accessible than it used to be, so I'll be trotting up there once or twice a week - I really do love swimming.
And it's interesting what you say, Vicky, sounds so much like me. I do feel like it's my anxiety driving it, which then drives my anxiety, that in turn drives it. It's a loop. I can't think of anything else to do other than try and learn to relax more. I have more bloods tomorrow, as the doc basically said we're going to do a full cancer work up, so you know you don't have that, and then maybe you can let go of your health anxiety ...
Pants, you sound depressed sweetheart, although I have a bit of an odd view about depression, which is that I think it can sometimes be productive reflective time ... obviously, it can also be really debilitating.
I took Thursday off, but after the chat with the doctor I did feel so much better. Went in on Friday to find an invite in my calendar for that day for a stress risk assessment from my new line manager (who obviously knew I was off Thursday with huge stress). It turned out she needed to do it then, because she wanted to wedge it in before her annual leave and my next appt with the OH. We went through it, which was a bit tricky, as I carry them out in my Dept, and am trained to do so, whereas this was her first one and she hasn't had any training. She was very keen to put all workplace stressor as low and home stressors as high. I was then told we had nearly a £1 million hole in our operating budget, so we would all have to work harder with less resources. This was a moment of realisation, I guess, as I suddenly became aware that I've been quite lent on for a long time to go 'above and beyond'. I'm going to spend next week rewriting my job description, as suggested by the OH, just to make it perfectly clear what I am meant to be doing and what's really not my responsibility. In that way, I can push back when work keeps walking through my door, and also show where the holes are in professional services provision in the unit.
So let's see where I am in a couple of weeks ... I do still feel I'm on the 'breathe' part of the whole equation.
Huggles.
EK
