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[racjen]

After nearly a year of being off sick with extreme menopausal symptoms, my very sympathetic workplace has finally said it's time to start the formal dismissal process. I'm gutted - I've been there for 6 or 7 years and really liked it. I feel a complete failure, but I know there's absolutely no point me contesting it because I'm not in any fit state to work, I'm struggling to get through from one day to the next. So now I'm going to be struggling on benefits. On top of that I had a blood test yesterday for strange unexplained bruising, and this morning got a text telling me it was abnormal and I needed to book another one immediately. Cue major panic, having had chemotherapy 2 years ago my mind went into overdrive about possible after-effects (and I'm not given to health anxiety generally). Spoke to my gp and she said it's probably nothing to worry about, but I'm just really feeling like I must have done something really terrible in a past life.....

[Snoooze]

Sorry to read about your job racjen. You have been through so much but you always come across as a strong person no matter what life has thrown at you. Sending positive thoughts your way xx

[CLKD]

We don't have a past Life so you can put that to one side. Life is what it is. 

I don't suppose your GP's words helped as there is a problem that has been raised.  When do you get the next appt.?

Are you able to understand your Companies stance on your ill health?  Make sure that the Company is aware how much you enjoyed your work.  Try not to take it personally, this isn't about you per se but about their running their Company. 

Make a list to take to the meeting about how not working has impacted on your Life as well as what your requirements will be once you don't have work to go to.  Try not to see them as the 'enemy' .......

[onion relish]

Racjen - no advice for you, but I hope you get some support. Do you belong to a union?

Good luck.

[sweettooth]

Sorry to hear about your job Racjen, it happened to me and yes I understand how you can feel like a failure but you are not!....it's a health issue just as others get physically sick.  Would you perhaps try therapy since all this has happened? Cancer charities provide counselling, and other alternative therapies FOC......I found this invaluable.

I am thinking of you and sincerely hope you get good news re your bloods etc.

ST x

[Annie0710]

Sending huge hugs to you - I hope things start to turn around and work in your favour xx

[aspie65]

So sorry that life is throwing you more curve balls.  Please keep us all updated as we worry about you.  Hugs.

[sheila99]

I'm so sorry about your job. The only thing I can suggest is to ask them if they would take you back again when your health problems are sorted and they have a vacancy. Menopause won't last forever and it might give you hope for a return to your previous life. I do hope the bruising turns out not to be serious. Sending cyber hugs.

[jillydoll]

Racjen.

So sorry babe,   

Things WILL get better....... 

[racjen]

We don't have a past Life so you can put that to one side. Life is what it is. 

I don't suppose your GP's words helped as there is a problem that has been raised.  When do you get the next appt.?

Are you able to understand your Companies stance on your ill health?  Make sure that the Company is aware how much you enjoyed your work.  Try not to take it personally, this isn't about you per se but about their running their Company. 

Make a list to take to the meeting about how not working has impacted on your Life as well as what your requirements will be once you don't have work to go to.  Try not to see them as the 'enemy' .......

Sorry CLKD but I don't really see the point in your suggestions - it's clear to both my employers and me that I'm not capable of working at the moment, and there's no sign of that changing in the near future. So I don't see the point in making lists etc., as I'm not going in there to argue, I'm not disputing the decision. With the 8 months off for cancer treatment included I've been off sick more than I've been in work over the last 3 years. They can't keep me on forever under these circumstances, they're just following standard procedure for a public body (it's the Library Service). I'm just gutted cos it's a job I enjoyed, it feels like a little spark of hope has just gone out and also I'm going on be struggling on benefits at a time when they're getting harder and harder to access.

[racjen]

Sorry to hear about your job Racjen, it happened to me and yes I understand how you can feel like a failure but you are not!....it's a health issue just as others get physically sick.  Would you perhaps try therapy since all this has happened? Cancer charities provide counselling, and other alternative therapies FOC......I found this invaluable.

I am thinking of you and sincerely hope you get good news re your bloods etc.

ST x

Thaks sweettooth, I've had MacMillan counselling and loads of psychotherapy for other problems in the past. Waiting for a referral to the Community Mental Health Team and they may come up with some kind of counselling, but to be honest if it's a physical problem I'm struggling to see how any amount of counselling will help - I just need to finally get to see a proper expert in hormones who might be able to offer some insight into what's going on.

[racjen]

Thankys everyone for your support - I must admit this morning was another one where I struggled for a while with the idea of just taking myself off somewhere no-one would find me with a loads of pills and bottle of wine, but I'm still here. The day has gradually got better, managed to go to my singing group in the afternoon which has helped a lot. I think I need some time to let this settle in and accept the situation - things aren't going back to the way they used to be any time soon (if ever). At least it means the pressure of worrying about whether I was going to be able to get back to work is off; now I just have to work out how to structure my time without putting pressure on myself to do things, which can cause a lot of anxiety in itself. And stop feeling like I'm a useless waste of space...

[BlueButterfly]

I'm so sorry about your work. I had to quit working a few months ago as the anxiety got so awful. I still haven't gotten to a place where I can work again. I do miss working and hope to get there again.

Quote for the day (And oh how I pray it is true because I need it too)
"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming."

[racjen]

Thanks, that's a great quote. The weird thing is that as an artist, I've spent most of my life wishing that I didn't have to have a conventional job so that I could follow my vocation, and indeed I have spent quite big chunks of my life as a self-employed artist and was very good at motivating myself and organising my time. But financially that was in the days when my kids were school age, so I got tax credits and maintenance and didn't have to worry so much about money. If I wasn't feeling so incredibly awful I'd be delighted to have all this time to be creative, but obviously if I wan't feeling so awful I'd be at work! And I am doing quite a lot of creative stuff to help me manage my anxiety and depression, but I couldn't turn it into a business because pressure destroys creativity in my experience, and particularly at the moment.

[BlueButterfly]

Art might be a great outlet now for all your feelings/things you are dealing with. No Pressure....just do it for you! Why not? When you feel it, express it in your favorite way.

I understand the pressure destroying the creativity. I love photography, especially people...but I couldn't get paid for it. It ruined it for me.