Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: racjen on October 16, 2018, 06:06:17 PM
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After nearly a year of being off sick with extreme menopausal symptoms, my very sympathetic workplace has finally said it's time to start the formal dismissal process. I'm gutted - I've been there for 6 or 7 years and really liked it. I feel a complete failure, but I know there's absolutely no point me contesting it because I'm not in any fit state to work, I'm struggling to get through from one day to the next. So now I'm going to be struggling on benefits. On top of that I had a blood test yesterday for strange unexplained bruising, and this morning got a text telling me it was abnormal and I needed to book another one immediately. Cue major panic, having had chemotherapy 2 years ago my mind went into overdrive about possible after-effects (and I'm not given to health anxiety generally). Spoke to my gp and she said it's probably nothing to worry about, but I'm just really feeling like I must have done something really terrible in a past life.....
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Sorry to read about your job racjen. You have been through so much but you always come across as a strong person no matter what life has thrown at you. Sending positive thoughts your way xx
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We don't have a past Life so you can put that to one side. Life is what it is.
I don't suppose your GP's words helped as there is a problem that has been raised. When do you get the next appt.?
Are you able to understand your Companies stance on your ill health? Make sure that the Company is aware how much you enjoyed your work. Try not to take it personally, this isn't about you per se but about their running their Company.
Make a list to take to the meeting about how not working has impacted on your Life as well as what your requirements will be once you don't have work to go to. Try not to see them as the 'enemy' .......
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Racjen - no advice for you, but I hope you get some support. Do you belong to a union?
Good luck.
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Sorry to hear about your job Racjen, it happened to me and yes I understand how you can feel like a failure but you are not!....it's a health issue just as others get physically sick. Would you perhaps try therapy since all this has happened? Cancer charities provide counselling, and other alternative therapies FOC......I found this invaluable.
I am thinking of you and sincerely hope you get good news re your bloods etc.
ST x
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Sending huge hugs to you - I hope things start to turn around and work in your favour xx
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So sorry that life is throwing you more curve balls. Please keep us all updated as we worry about you. Hugs.
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I'm so sorry about your job. The only thing I can suggest is to ask them if they would take you back again when your health problems are sorted and they have a vacancy. Menopause won't last forever and it might give you hope for a return to your previous life. I do hope the bruising turns out not to be serious. Sending cyber hugs.
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Racjen.
So sorry babe,
Things WILL get better....... :bighug:
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We don't have a past Life so you can put that to one side. Life is what it is.
I don't suppose your GP's words helped as there is a problem that has been raised. When do you get the next appt.?
Are you able to understand your Companies stance on your ill health? Make sure that the Company is aware how much you enjoyed your work. Try not to take it personally, this isn't about you per se but about their running their Company.
Make a list to take to the meeting about how not working has impacted on your Life as well as what your requirements will be once you don't have work to go to. Try not to see them as the 'enemy' .......
Sorry CLKD but I don't really see the point in your suggestions - it's clear to both my employers and me that I'm not capable of working at the moment, and there's no sign of that changing in the near future. So I don't see the point in making lists etc., as I'm not going in there to argue, I'm not disputing the decision. With the 8 months off for cancer treatment included I've been off sick more than I've been in work over the last 3 years. They can't keep me on forever under these circumstances, they're just following standard procedure for a public body (it's the Library Service). I'm just gutted cos it's a job I enjoyed, it feels like a little spark of hope has just gone out and also I'm going on be struggling on benefits at a time when they're getting harder and harder to access.
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Sorry to hear about your job Racjen, it happened to me and yes I understand how you can feel like a failure but you are not!....it's a health issue just as others get physically sick. Would you perhaps try therapy since all this has happened? Cancer charities provide counselling, and other alternative therapies FOC......I found this invaluable.
I am thinking of you and sincerely hope you get good news re your bloods etc.
ST x
Thaks sweettooth, I've had MacMillan counselling and loads of psychotherapy for other problems in the past. Waiting for a referral to the Community Mental Health Team and they may come up with some kind of counselling, but to be honest if it's a physical problem I'm struggling to see how any amount of counselling will help - I just need to finally get to see a proper expert in hormones who might be able to offer some insight into what's going on.
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Thankys everyone for your support - I must admit this morning was another one where I struggled for a while with the idea of just taking myself off somewhere no-one would find me with a loads of pills and bottle of wine, but I'm still here. The day has gradually got better, managed to go to my singing group in the afternoon which has helped a lot. I think I need some time to let this settle in and accept the situation - things aren't going back to the way they used to be any time soon (if ever). At least it means the pressure of worrying about whether I was going to be able to get back to work is off; now I just have to work out how to structure my time without putting pressure on myself to do things, which can cause a lot of anxiety in itself. And stop feeling like I'm a useless waste of space...
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I'm so sorry about your work. I had to quit working a few months ago as the anxiety got so awful. I still haven't gotten to a place where I can work again. I do miss working and hope to get there again.
Quote for the day (And oh how I pray it is true because I need it too)
"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming."
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Thanks, that's a great quote. The weird thing is that as an artist, I've spent most of my life wishing that I didn't have to have a conventional job so that I could follow my vocation, and indeed I have spent quite big chunks of my life as a self-employed artist and was very good at motivating myself and organising my time. But financially that was in the days when my kids were school age, so I got tax credits and maintenance and didn't have to worry so much about money. If I wasn't feeling so incredibly awful I'd be delighted to have all this time to be creative, but obviously if I wan't feeling so awful I'd be at work! And I am doing quite a lot of creative stuff to help me manage my anxiety and depression, but I couldn't turn it into a business because pressure destroys creativity in my experience, and particularly at the moment.
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Art might be a great outlet now for all your feelings/things you are dealing with. No Pressure....just do it for you! Why not? When you feel it, express it in your favorite way.
I understand the pressure destroying the creativity. I love photography, especially people...but I couldn't get paid for it. It ruined it for me.
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So sorry about how you are feeling still and your job racjen, also about your repeat blood test. I know it's not easy for you but hang in there for your daughters' sakes as well as yourself. I do hope the blood test turns out OK but stay strong racjen - we all care about you and are willing everything to turn out well for you eventually....
Hurdity x :bighug:
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RAcjen - Just read this job. That is awful. I can't believe your employers can get away with that. I believe they are petitioning in Parliament tomorrow for more help with Menopause and also ensuring Employers react/act correctly. It seems you just keep getting knocks. My thoughts are with you. Please don't do anything stupid and post when you feel low to get some of the lowness of your chest. Hugs to you. x
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Good evening Racjen. I'm prone to HA so would also be worrying about the blood test. But my non HA self would remind me that the GP is probably right. Hard as it may be, try not to worry.
Hmm the job. Would there be any mileage in asking them for a part time/homeworking role, if such a thing exists? I appreciate how unwell you are but keeping your hand in if at all possible will help body and soul.
Finally, just remember that we all are looking out for you and sending good thoughts your way.
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Hi agathaC, trouble is, I work in a library and in my role you kind of have to be there to do the job (and it was already part-time). If a suitable homeworking role came up they'd consider transferring me, but right now budgets are so tight in the library service they're not going to be making any special concessions. Plus I suspect even the pressure of homeworking just might be too much. I don't think there's anyway round this - it's not unjust, I can't take a union rep and argue for unfair dismissal or anything like that because to be honest the cause doesn't really matter, if I can't do the job it's irrelevant whether it's because of menopause or a car accident. In theory that's what state disability benefits are for, when you really genuinely can't work due to illness,but unfortunately they're simply not enough to live on.
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Also just found another weird spontaneous blood blister on my toe. Repeat test tomorrow but then I bet they'll keep me waiting all weekend for the result.....
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Racjen - how is your weekend going? I hope today has been a good day for you. I've had a day full of hormones and health anxiety.
I'm so sorry about your work situation. Yes, no option for working at home or flexibly in your field and as you say you're not necessarily well enough for that anyway.
Send an update. I've felt very worried about you in recent weeks x
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Thanks Agatha, well just more of the same really. More strange spontaneous bruising on my fingers and hands on Fri, but again it was after a Zumba class a friend had persuaded me to go to so there must be a connection with the violent exercise (which does seem to help my mood a bit). The locum I saw thinks it may be a very rare condition called Achenbach's Syndrome, which develops in women in their 40s and 50s for no known reason, but isn't serious. Even so I have to be tested again in a month's time because the initial test showed enlarged red blood cells, which could be down to vit B12 deficiency or thyroid problems.
Today has been pretty awful - lack of sleep is really making things a lot worse, this morning at 7am i phoned the Crisis Team feeling utterly desperate, only to get an answerfone saying their service was temporarily out of order. This after I'd been reassured I could phone them 24 hours a day. So ended up phoning the Samaritans and had a long talk with a very sympathetic guy. Still waiting for any further support from the Community Mental health Team or any sign of the referral appointment to the Menopause Clinic. So I'm still in limbo, crawling from one day to the next and dreading waking up tomorrow morning to more unbearable anxiety. Desperately trying to resist taking more and more diazepam cos I know it's counter-productive, but sometimes it's very hard when I'm exhausted and just want that bit of temporary relief.
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It's good the bruising doesn't seem to be serious. I hope you manage to sleep well tonight and tomorrow is a better day.
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Hiyer racjen,
So sorry to hear that you are struggling and suffering so much. I understand where you are coming from, we've talked before on here briefly I know, as I am also (both currently and historically) 'hormonally challenged'. I was referred to mental health services some months ago for the crippling anxiety, by the time the appointment came through (months) I was then entering a good phase and so cancelled taking it up. Now, not so good again :( Anyhow, I don't have much to add that will help hugely, just wanted to say that I am thinking of you x
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Today, Racjen: good day or bad day?
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Thanks Charys, I have to say I feel pretty despairing of mental health services right now - feels like they're making it worse if anything. I was referred urgently by the Crisis Team weeks ago to the Community Mental Health Team, so that I would have some ongoing support and not keep phoning having reached suicidal point again. Weeks later I'm still waiting for any kind of support, and when I do phone for help they pass me back from one team to the other or just increase my despair - I phoned to say I was on the point of taking an overdose and after a short conversation the guy said well could I let him know if I really intended to so he could call an ambulance. The Samaritans are much more helpful and sympathetic, mental health services are understaffed, undertrained and overworked- they just can't keep up with the demand.
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Bad day - usual crippling anxiety despite going out for a run/walk/run to try and blast it out. Then have spent most of the day crying. Phoned Community Mental Health Team to ask if there was any chance I might get seen soon- I'm on a waiting list, they'll get back to me, no indication of how long that might be. Only good bit was I got an appointment with Poole Menopause Clinic in a month's time - I was told 3 -4 months min. Just not sure how I'm going to get myself there if I'm feeling like this (Poole is a good 3 - 4 hours drive from me).