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[BlueButterfly]

Hubby thought I was out of my mind. 

Seems to be the consensus around here lately. Last doc visit my daughter had to go with me, she put a paper with "crazy lady" for a name tag on my shirt for the doctor to see.  He definitely remembers me. 

[jillydoll]

At least we've still got our sense of humour.
Without that, I don't know where we'd be....

[BlueButterfly]

It definitely comes and goes! I'd rather laugh at myself than cry out of frustration and hopelessness. But both are around when they feel like it. I really miss the lack of control over my body and mind! Or at least what I thought was control. 

[jillydoll]

Know what you mean,
I always liked doing what I wanted when I wanted too,
Not anymore, now my body tells me when it's time to go to bed,
or get up, or not sleep at all. And many other things too.
I can cope with my body getting creaky, or my knees hurting, or my neck aching,
It's THE mind, the thoughts, the total negativity that the anxiety brings on that I can't cope with, if anything about getting older/menopause related that brings me down , to my knees is the mind games, the anxiety. For me, it's the worst thing ever...
One day, we'll get total control back, I'm sure of it...

[BlueButterfly]

Today I would describe it as a living Hell. But the anxiety seems to be passing and the depression and exhaustion from fighting it is now taking over. Today I will cry my eyes out. And in a few days, I will probably feel better and maybe even have a break from fighting the anxiety, to hopefully recover enough that I have the mental and emotional capacity to fight it again when it comes back. And just pray ,beg and plead that it will just pass as quickly as it came. But it won't. And I'll do my best to just keep fighting, to just keep pushing through.

[Ladybt28]

I have taken on the antihistamine thing - very useful!

[racjen]

BlueButterfly you're not alone - I'm also going through this living hell, the unbearable anxiety followed by exhaustion and depression and a real feeling of despair, as i try desperately to battle my way thru the system to find someone who can offer me some hope that this will end. For me the unbearable anxiety comes every single morning, and the only respite comes thru taking ever increasing doses of diazepam. Because if I don't I know it'll wear me down to the point of planning suicide again, as the only way out. And I don't want that, I have kids and I want to live, but not like this. And yet still my GP won't refer me out of county to a specialist menopause clinic (I live in Devon and there are NO specialist menopause services here) - the best I've achieved so far is a gynaecologist who doesn't seem to be aware that anxiety is a horribly common menopause symptom, and is making random suggestions about what might and might not help.

[Ladybt28]

racjen - see the suicide thing, completely get it!  That type of anxiety and depression is different to anything I have experienced before and I was at my worst when they started me on a Premarian/Provera continuous regime.  The whole thing went off the scale and there is a post called "screaming inside"  It was very scary. I have changed my regime and so I don't experience it like I did then.  This is how I really got into this forum because everyone here was so supportive - you can say what you like when you like.  Does your GP know about these thoughts and that you have had them to the planning stage before?  If they do then they are seriously not doing their job my not referring you!!!

Please - if your head is starting to scare you at any time - post here - day or night - there is usually someone reading - posting can just divert the mind a tiny bit from the danger zone.  Well it helps for me anyway.

Take care 

[racjen]

Yes, my GP knows - I've been in her office crying hysterically and been referred to the Mental Health Crisis Team as a result 3 or 4 times now. They acknowledge that it's a physical problem and have written to my GP saying that, and recommending that I be referred to a specialist menopause clinic, but still all I've had is one 15 min appointment with a general gynaecologist who doesn't really seem to have a clue.

[NorthArm]

Oh Racken

I'm really angry with your gp- he sounds like a right wanker!!

Is there another doctor you can see at the practice who might refer you out of county? Or would it be possible for you to change practice (I lived in the UK for a number of years and know how difficult that can be) and maybe find a gp who will?

Some gps are terrified they'll get a black mark against their name, I'm sure, if they do refer out of county, just ridiculous!! He might also be someone who secretly hates women and considers them ‘drama queens' - seriously, it happens!! 

I do hope you get the help you need, I'm thinking of you xx
 

[racjen]

Thanks NorthArm, in fact both of the GPs I've been seeing are women! The first one refused to refer me to anyone at all, apart from possibly a psychiatrist if I really insisted (I didn't). Changed to another one in the same practice who's much more sympathetic, and hoped that her referral to a gynaecologist would get me somewhere, but now I'm feeling like it's just a waste of time. If she doesn't recognise my description of anxiety as being a common menopausal symptom she clearly hasn't got a clue. I'm going to go back there this week, armed with another letter written for me by a Senior Mental Health Practitioner in the Crisis Team, which states quite plainly that I need to see a menopause specialist urgently (and he mentions risk of suicide, as I phoned them in a right state last Friday feeling desperate yet again...) Feel like saying I'm not leaving the surgery till I get the referral I need, so if you  hear news reports of a 52 year old woman being arrested in a GPs surgery in South Devon that'll be me! x

[jillydoll]

Hope the antihistamine helps Ladybt.
I think they just help in relaxing you for a bit,
I don't know about you, but I get shoulder aches, in my neck,
and around my middle when my anxiety is bad...
All tension...
I feel a lot more relaxed when I've took one.....

[Ladybt28]

I take them at night before bed when my mind is racing - it does seem to help!  I've just typed a post for racjen and it seems to have totally disappeared!! its seems to happen when someone is posting at the same time and you hit post! very annoying, its happened before.

[jillydoll]

Yep, it's happened to me to....

[BlueButterfly]

Racjen,

I hope you are able to get the help you need. It's so hard getting anyone to listen.

 I hate this anxiety. It is messing with my whole body. I don't even know what are separate symptoms anymore. Any time something new aches or happens, I go through this whole Q&A of whether it is anxiety caused or some new issue. But I know so many things have to be hormonal related. The anxiety comes and goes.. it's more physical than mental most of the time...but the physical stuff brings the mind around to convince me I'm going to die. And I'm so exhausted from dealing with it... emotionally and mentally I just want to give up. When it passes, I'm fine other than just waiting for the next anxiety mess. I think the antihistamine works a bit. It helps with the apparent allergies that I get....but I've been tested, no allergies. I don't even know what to think of the random heaviness I feel in my digestion or chest, the strange burning in my mouth or tightness in my throat. It goes away sometimes. I'm starting to wonder about possible silent reflux. Who knows. Need to get back to acupuncture.

I'm sick of hearing how I just need to take some antidepressants. I was told the same thing 7 years ago....kept being told I had depression. I knew it wasn't. It didn't feel like depression. I knew it was hormonal. Finally found a doctor that listened to me and suggested testing hormones before I had to ask. Looking back, I can see I'm going through the same mess again....but thank goodness for an insurance change (US here), I can go back to THAT doctor again and finally have hope again....10 days away. Most excited I think I've ever been to go to a GYN.

And as a side....got a new blanket. Bought a weighted/gravity blanket. They are supposed to help with anxiety, depression, etc. It's described like getting a hug all night long. Not sure if it'll help or not but I'm willing to try. I really don't believe an antidepressant is the right answer yet. My friend suggested it, been helping her get better sleep and she has used it for comfort a lot recently.