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[Roseneath]

Greetings lovely ladies. I posted on here almost a year ago to the day after struggling with the usual peri hormone suspects; for me Chronic insomnia, max anxiety, stressfull brain fog, weird mid cycle discharge (tested and 'normal'), ear splitting morning flatulence)  confused by a mind bending array of differing GP advice  and fuelled by a irreconcilable fall out with my psychotic mother.   I tried it all; HRT (lasted 4 weeks, tripled anxiety) /Mindfullness/CBT/self help/ Menopace (messed up liver) . Had a terrible, near breakdown 3 months.  Then last September when I skipped my first period it all lifted.  I felt the much missed ' old' me back. For 9 months things were so much better for no obvious reason and last month I nearly posted here to say there is hope. No miracle 'cure' - but things will change naturally and get better.  But IT IS BACK. Out of the blue, the fog, the feeling of dread,racing thoughts,  the insomnia. And worse. I feel weak at the thought of standing up to this thing again. 

[CLKD]

   "It's happening again!" is my inward response every time anxiety threatens.

Like this morning   

How many days have you been haunted by these symptoms?  Could it be a lack of energy due to the heat wave, that's my problem and keeping levels regular is really difficult for me.

[paisley]

Roseneath
So sorry you are feeling bad again. I think because you have felt good for 9 months it is so hard to fall back down again. I only get a few good days & feel bad again & in those good days I think I have cracked it & so when we feel bad again it is a big let down. Hormones are yucky because we never know how we will feel. You must concentrate on the past & all the times you have felt good & know that this is just a blip & you will feel better soon. Try all your coping strategies you can to get you through this bad patch until it passes & it will. I know it is easier said than done but you will get through it & who knows the periods of feeling good will get longer & longer. Xx

[Roseneath]

  Thanks for your sound advice. I know eating and drinking regularly is key and I do find when I am in the hormonal maelstrom it is hard to remember that. Ditto getting out for some fresh air and getting out of bed at 2:00am when I am tossing and turning.  I did have some upsetting contact with my parents a couple of days before the relapse (Not seen them for over a year aside from the odd threatening phone message). This is what I think caused the bad episode of insomnia last year. I felt like I dealt with it OK but perhaps it stirred up all the bad feelings again.  That is the worst part of peri for me - what would have been upsetting 10 years ago now triggers a 'doom and gloom' response. Huge to you ladies.

[paisley]

Definitely agree the things that once never used to stress me stress me more now. It could well have been your parents working in your subconscious mind. If I am stressed even not sleeping or having an argument with someone it always takes a couple of days for the bad effects to show up.  I never used to be like that

[CLKD]

Stress  triggers my anxiety big time 

[Miabella]

Hi Roseneath,

Totally understand all your feelings - helplessness as to how and when you will feel good or bad, and the fear that this will be the time that you just can't cope.

I know when we feel bad that it's hard to imagine ever feeling better, but you will! It is a blip, maybe triggered by things going on in your life, maybe not. As others have said, use any coping strategies you can, hang on in there, and this will pass.

Xx

[Roseneath]

Hi Mirabella

Thanks for the empathy. It really helps.  I am struggling at that moment when only two weeks ago I had a fantastic week away. Slept great, felt happy, relaxed even.  I have struggled for the last 5 days. I feel like this thing brainwashes me with this horrid negative emotional churn. Had 5 nights of rubbish sleep (even with Nitols) then feel washed out during the day. We have a guest house so I have to be up at 6:30 to make it all happen plus the kids off school so no let us.   On 3-4 hours of bad  Nitol induced sleep per night I just feel teary and hyper with stress. My rational mind thinks it's just hormones as this dip as coincided with a period after non for 8 weeks. I just can't shift the continual worry...what if I don't sleep tonight, how can I get through today, do I have dementia because I keep doing stupid things. The only place I feel ' safe' it in the GPs office or on this forum.  I feel like I am inflicting this on myself because I can't get my own mind to stop.  Phew, just reading this makes me think what sort of a life is this. 

[Dotty]

Hi it might be an idea to try a different hrt. There are lots out there and it's just a case of finding one that suits you.

[CLKD]

STOP! you are not inflicting anything on yourself.  Physicality is real.  Like you, I felt safe in the GP Surgery, in fact when I was very ill with depression and Himself was at work, I would wander into the Waiting Room and sit for a while.  Sometimes they made me a cuppa  .

My problem is very busy involved dreams that can leave me exhausted!  Muggy headed.  Empty headed.  OK so you might not sleep 2night, have a strategy: good book, soft music by the bed, windows open to listen to the vehicles outside; pick one and imagine who is driving, where they are going - keeps the brain active ;-).

      Nytol       . 

[Roseneath]

Thanks CLKD. Your post made me  and    which felt  good.

[Miabella]

I too have had sleepless nights and then spend the next day worrying how I wii cope if I don't sleep that night. My doctor prescribed a mild sleeping tablet and I get piece of mind knowing they're there. Might that be worth a try - it might take one worry away.

Anxiety will always find a worry for you to focus on - sometimes there is something bothering us for anxiety to latch on to, and if not it will find some other thing for us to turn into a worry. Often the main thing I am worrying about is the fact that I am anxious, because there isn't actually anything else bothering me that much. It's the most vicious of vicious circles.

I think Roseneath that the suggestion to get your meds checked is a good one. We here know that you will get some relief from this soon, but I know that's little comfort to you when you are in the throes of a bad spell. Someone once told me to keep thinking that feeling anxious is not a natural state for our bodies and minds and that we will always be striving towards getting back to feeling normal, even if it doesn't feel like it. I try to remind myself of that in the bad times.

Xx

[CLKD]

It's the physicality that floors me.  I can look over my left shoulder and think 'come on then' in situations that would cause anxiety but it doesn't happen.  Then it will hit when suddenly!

[Roseneath]

I got 8 hours sleep last night and boy what a difference it has made. Took some positive action and took half of a sleeping tab I got given last year during a bad sleep spell (Nitrazapam). Reinforced to me how lack of sleep exacerbates my baseline anxiety to the extent that it is impossible to think rationally and self help. Or maybe my hormones have changed again... wish I knew.

[Miabella]

Yes, if only we knew what caused the good spells and the bad spells it might make coping with anxiety less scary.
I have stopped thinking in terms of ‘this might make me feel better' and now think ‘this doesn't usually make me feel worse'. So rather than desperately trying to find something to ease the symptoms, I am just trying to keep them stable. Sounds daft probably I know