Mine is the same. It takes some getting my head round at times. Me, me, me ....... but she is subtle. No one else sees how she is!
I've read a book recently 'living with toxic people' I think it's called. Get into the mindset that she can't help it. Something to do with how your Mum was raised, that she was never challenged or if she was, that other people stood down rather thank standing their ground against her. So 'bad habits' become engrained.
So: your Mother is alone at C.mas. So what. You were 'given away' to the man you married ;-). No longer your Mother's responsibility. OK so our parents age and may require more care, but it isn't up to us to take on their needs. In the New Year put together a list of local agencies close to your mother and being making notes. Day Centres. WI. Church Groups. Offer them up and if she says 'no', tell her that "You are a Big Girl Now so are perfectly capable of making your own entertainment."
What does your husband suggest that you do in order to avoid as much stress as possible? I had to take a large step back but I have 2 hour journey so can put some distance between us.
Why tell your Mother your plans? Maybe make a decision that as from 1 Jan., you, your husband, child and friends will do stuff without your Mother 'needing' to know? It took me a few years to realise that actually, my parents no longer had 'rights' to what I did, who I saw, where we went
.
Does your Mother have a key to your property, if so, change the locks pronto! Your House, Your Rules. You don't have to give any reasons, other than explaining that your security was compromised. End of conversation. It's about mind set which takes a while to kick in.
As we go back to the parental 'home' many of us go back to being children again. Certainly it happens to me as I slip back into the routine under that roof. Even though Mum no longer lives there, we stick to her routines
.
What are the Plans that have been jeopardised? Maybe tell your Mother that you all have a 'bug' ;-) and that you will be in touch mid-January.