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[Hurdity]

Hi Wendy
I was in the same position last year. Depression and anxiety ruled my life. Decided to change jobs, offered a new one but realised I was not in the right mental state to make that move. I stayed with what I new, took ads Citalapram and then started hrt. It's all really helped, I'm hoping to come off ad's and use hrt alone, soon. It's a long road but I now think much clearer, and enjoy life (most of the time) 😀
Good luck xx

So glad you are feeling better Mrsjam

I can understand your wanting to come off the ADs eventually if you were not depressed in the first place and your feelings were as a result of the hormonal upheaval of menopause - and if HRT alone will do the trick. Whereabouts in menopause are you and what HRT are you using?

Hope you continue to feel well whatever you decide

Hurdity x

[Jacquiemalley]

Hi Hurdity,  I'm post meno age 57yrs  tried  hrt 2 yrs ago,, due to bad symptoms that I decided had gone on long enough. I have a Mirena coil and a patch evorel 50. All symptoms gone except lack of labido, which may be due to AD's . Hence reason for trying to stop them. 😀

[Jintyhilton]

Mrsjam - i can sympathise, i was actually at the point of going off sick. i have a full on job and i was not coping, i couldnt focus or remember things and i would be having a conversation and my mind would go blank, that coupled with insomnia and feelings of anxiety and low mood. i was a total mess, luckily i work a lot at home so i'm on Skype. after trying various HRT's I got myself some BHRT in the nick of time. I am without a doubt a new person, albeit a much rounder version of my old self. 

Have you thought about testosterone? i have a little gel sachet that lasts me 7/8 days. my libido was fine but bloods revealed it was low - it really does shift things up a gear. I'm 52 and really i have no idea what i should define myself as. HURDITY  am I still peri now that this HRT has given me a period? not sure ...       xxx

[CLKD]

My libedo returned and I've been on ADs since the mid-1980s.: and through menopause and out the other side 

[peri]

You're one of the lucky ones then CLKD, that's not the case for most people and it really impacts on your relationship (it did mine anyway).  Supplementing T (and hrt) has made all the difference to intimacy x

[Wendy65]

Hi all,

I went to see my g.p and he has signed me off work for 3 weeks. I have decided to move to the new job as it is less hours. If it doesn't work out then I will look for another one as I have wanted to move from my current job for quite a while. Going back to see doc in 3 weeks as he wanted to see if my job was part of the problem. If I still feel awful then he will look at my meds. Also, going to try starflower.

Thanks and I'll keep you all posted.

Wendy   

[peri]

Good plan Wendy.  It's really important to look after yourself at this time of life, as my mother used to say "if you don't look after yourself you can't look after your family".  Let us know how you get on x

[CLKD]

I had to lay back and think of England for many years.  Otherwise I was filled with guilt which impacted on my mental health 

[Wendy65]

Hi all,

Just to let you know that I was very confused about what to do about my job so I retracted my notice before I was signed off sick. Then became unwell and sent sick very to work. I am never off a sick and have slogged my guts out at my job for many years. The result was my manager ringing me to ask me to go in for a meeting with her and hr to discuss if staying was the right decision. I couldn't even talk at first due to crying. I felt pushed into a corner but also said that the call had made me feel so much worse. I was sobbing and put the phone down. Decided the next day to take the new job. Now I know I was probably becoming a liability but there was absolutely no compassion from someone who I had worked closely with for many years. I was left shocked and confused, embarrassed and let down to the point where I couldn't compute what had happened. Moral of the story - you are just a number.

I do realise that employers are only really interested in getting the work done but I was signed off with depression and anxiety!!!

The woman in question has the menopause to come!!

Sorry for the rant.

Wendy

[peri]

Don't blame you for having a rant, that's a terrible way to treat someone and totally unnecessary.  The problem is unless you've been through a difficult menopause you can't understand it, let's hope your boss doesn't have a hard time herself!x

[CLKD]

You are vulnerable.  Maybe if the colleague had been more sympathetic and explained what was likely to happen in the meeting you may have felt able to 'sign off' feeling more comfortable but what is done is: these illnesses, regardless of what is causing them, are difficult to live with until symptoms are more controlled.

Good Luck!

[nissa11]

Oh Wendy 65 I think you're having a dreadful time and I have been there too. Younger women (even our daughters) haven't got a clue what they have to look forward to and I'm not at all surprised that you feel like ranting. I haven't worked for years because of my depression/anxiety, we have debts and have lost our home and now living in social housing/shared ownership.
The menopause can literally 'ruin' your life if you don't have support, which I didn't.
Be kind to yourself. I know my depression improved when I admitted and accepted I was 'ill', gave myself the right to 'time off' and really thought about the things I enjoyed and which made me happy. I was starting to recover when my daughter decided to land me with her child 3 days a week, even though she knew I was ill. I had already had 5 bereavements in my life at this stage and was questioning whether I could go on at all. I was stupid and couldn't face the confrontation and since feeling a bit better have told my daughter that my grand-daughter (who I love dearly) should now be at nursery as she was 3 and a half! The result is I am now not allowed to see my grand-daughter!!!
Like many others there are few who understand what it is like to be depressed, despite a pretence by the media to understand depression and mental health issues. They seem to be very concerned about young people's mental health and not the many, many middle aged women struggling with such big changes in their lives.
One woman told me I should think about those people who have cancer and stop whining about depression. Of course, when you don't have a bandage or medical diagnosis nobody thinks you're ill.
You have to try to be selfish and really look after yourself Wendy love.
 

[CLKD]

I think whether a child is/not at Nursery is a personal decision.  Parents should be able to parent and if that means keeping the child at home to enjoy - but not to rely on grand-parents, neighbours, Registered Child Minders - when I was growing up, there was no such thing as Nursery, we went straight into School ...... very traumatic for me. But Mums stayed at home as parenting was seen as important then.  Now it seems to be the 'norm' to put children into 'care' from a very early age ......... good on you for putting foot down with firm hand! 

Did U kick the woman - those with cancer usually get the diagnosis and support that is required!  Whereas mental health service is right down at the bottom of the ladder when money is handed out!  I see that Suffolk is on special measures again due to lack of stability in their mental health provision.

Rant away!  There's usually someone on to listen ;-)

[Snoooze]

Unfortunately, your daughter sounds very selfish putting on you in the first place then refusing you to see your Grandaughter when you said you wouldn't look after her.

As kids nowadays are given FREE Nursery places, she should take advantage of that and not YOU. I never had any of my family look after my children, I put my first child in private Nursery when I returned to work but by the time I had my second child, I had given up work and made sacrifices, so I could bring them up myself (and also not worth working when it would all go on childcare costs!).

I think some young people today want it all. Holidays, cars, nice houses but then expect the Grandparents to child mind for free rather than paying child care costs. I know some Grandparents love to look after their grand children but when they are not able or not financially sound enough to do so, then I think it is very selfish of their children to ask them to do so.

I also agree about the lack of understanding of Depression. Everyone seems to think you can just snap out of it but I know that's not the case.

[nissa11]

Thank you so much for your support about my daughter's behaviour CLKD and Snooze.
I was a stay at home mum with three children under three. I enjoyed that part of my life and although I understand it is financially hard for young mums these days I still think they could manage if they tried. I remember being permanently skint when I was bringing them up but I thought that was part of the deal!
I don't think I would be in the right mindset about my daughter now if I wasn't able to have counselling. I don't have any friends or family to talk to, and the counsellor 'validated' the weird and selfish behaviour I was experiencing from my daughter and told me I was right to be angry about it. She thinks she is acting like a teenager (she's 34!!!) I just feel so sorry for my grand-daughter who obviously misses me. At times she used to cry because she didn't want to go back to her Mum. I'm disgusted with my daughter who wasn't brought up this way but I am now determined to get my life back. I'm even thinking about starting a Masters Degree!
Thanks again for all your support, I feel less alone now.