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[rebel2]

I am suffering big time - and have for the last three years.  It started with something simple [my teeth] and has progressed around my body with symptom after symptom.  All of which have caused massive bouts of anxiety, then gone.  I have had brief periods of respite then WHAM, it's back somewhere else.  Each time I am convinced THIS IS IT, it is serious and each time, it isn't.  [But obviously as I am in the middle of an episode now, it is it this time].   Strangely, I used to have massive panic attacks, but don't anymore - it is as if this is the new manifestation of my anxiety syndrome.  I was always a major worrier/glass half empty and suffer from low self esteem due to crap parents, and I think that is a major cause of HA. 

What cures it is being busy, but I can't be out and about and busy all the time, I need to manage on my own resources and face the beast.  It is as if I have two personalities - one a bonkers lunatic who body-checks/googles/posts on forums and cries.  Another is the one I was before all this - tough/funny/ambitious/fit and well.   The fit one is slightly ashamed of the bonkers one and has only admitted how bad it gets on here, never to a real person.

Admittedly this last bout came after a massively stressful financial issue that my OH and I are still sorting out [we are on top of it and have expert advice, and are far from destitute].  But I can't go on like this, I need to learn coping strategies.   

So - I am going to dentist in the morning for check-up and will pluck up courage to ask about my latest symptom [strange loss of red colour under tongue, which might be a spot under the surface as isn't a sore or anything, which might well be normal and just never fixated on it before!].  IF it is nothing, then I will avoid just thinking I am cured and seek help/new strategies so that I can cope the next time.  IF it is something, then I will need support as I will explode with anxiety.   So, either way - I need support.   I tried CBT but found it too paper-work heavy and it actually made me dwell more on my problems, rather than less.  So, any other suggestions?   I already run three times a week, do yoga and eat a very healthy, caffeine and largely alcohol free diet.  And I avoid sugar except for the occasional cake or biscuit.   Am on oestrogen only HRT as have had hysterectomy years ago.  I have tried with/without HRT and it seems to make no difference to my anxiety.

Sorry to go on like this, but it helps just to write it down.  All ideas welcome!

[CLKD]

It's The Change.  We meet our own mortality I think.  We see people in our parents' generation dying, we see younger people than us getting sick.

What is the worst that could happen?  We are going to die but I want a painless end.  That is what worries me a lot, firstly that Himself will die and leave me  and 2ndly, that I won't have control of pain relief if required, I have a low pain threshold. 3rdly, that I won't be able to afford good quality 'care', i.e. my own room with en-suite.  I can say 'no' to any procedures that I view as invasive!

Jot down your varying symptoms.  When are they worst?  What are the triggers?  Have a look at the NHS web-sites for advice.  Speak to a Pharmacist in your local Chemist shop. 

Are there hereditary causations in either side of your family?  Do you worry about lack of support i.e. getting to/from appts. should they be necessary?  My biggest worry after breast surgery was that panic attacks would mean that I was unable to attend my 4 weeks of radiation, in fact, adrenaline carried me through 

[rebel2]

I know what the triggers are -if I am tired/stress then any mild physical symptom attacks me and gets a grip.  I then body check/google and it all magnifies.

I don't really have any specific worries - I have lovely OH who is really supportive and other great family members.  No money worries.  A good career.   

I really feel selfish and self-centred even feeling like this!  Yes, it is the change.   Thanks, CLKD.

[rebel2]

Thanks Sparkle.  To be honest, after each 'scare' I feel ridiculous.  But each one feels so real and completely overwhelms me. 

So far I have managed with exercise and am lucky that I can set my own work schedule.  But down time is difficult as I start obsessing.

[Annie0710]

I've said before and I think I always will...... health anxiety is I think one of the most common early meno problem, and the most understandable.  Women go from quite fit and healthy to every bloody symptom under the sun, who can take the myriad of symptoms in their stride at the beginning? For me new symptoms (and real not imaginary) were coming into the mix almost daily, like my body was attacking itself.  I had ENT, cardiology, neurology, opthalomologists, dermatologist etc appts coming out of my ears.  Apart from onset of arrhythmia and double vision and eardrum problems I am, unbelievably healthy.  I actually dismiss health things now as "oh it'll be nothing" but I honestly was a nervous wreck in the early days.  I'm since being tested for skin cancer and treated for a dysfunctional joint in my lower back and even when dr thought I might have ovarian cancer I took it all in my stride

I don't know what self help to suggest, something in me just clicked that I wasn't dying, it's just menopause and aging

I do hope things calm down for you

[CLKD]

What is wrong with being selfish and self centred?

Survival is selfish which is why a baby cries, sometimes before it's left the birth canal. If a human baby remained mute it would have less chance of being fed and cleaned.  As we grow we learn certain social patterns so in general, leave the crying behind although a Very Good Cry would help ease my brain sometimes  .  Dependant on our surroundings really can depend on how forward we become when needs aren't being met.  4 me I retreated to avoid the constant shouting between parents 

Keeping a diary may be useful.  Jotting down feelings first thing and before bed, sometimes not eating properly and keeping hydrated can be enough to set anxiety off.  Then it self proficises (sp) and the brain gets going.  Some find brisk exercise works to re-focus the brain; meeting with people kicks the adrenaline 'in' which can lighten mood ....... I think we are more isolated now than ever!

Get over the 'I have a good Life' mentality, you are aware of the best and not as good points, I was always told 'there are people worse off than you are' - so I withdrew.  I didn't want to know about those people, I wanted support for myself.  As I grew older however, I took control of my needs!

Relaxation by stretching the toes and muscle groups upwards through the body can re-focus the mind.  Concentrating on the various areas and stopping other intrusive thoughts is good practice; my problem is, I don't have time to practice   

......... and breath.  STOP using Dr Google, he don't know ouwt! 

There was an article in a weekend paper which stated that women historically put others first, to the detriment of their own health needs.  Sometimes with poor consequences. So it's up to us to Step up!  If the kids' bedrooms are a mess, that is up to them.  If the husband complains of man flu when it's cold, then put him to bed with a blanket and a bottle of whisky ....... then stop fussing ;-)

[Yammy1]

CLKD, you are spot on about always putting everyone else first, I worry because my children might be anxious or upset(MIGHT BE), so there I am worrying about something that may not even be. I think it's inbuilt in women to worry and fuss about everyone else and neglect themselves. But just maybe if we gave some quality time to ME, then we would all benefit.

[Justjules]

Health anxiety queen here!!! Trust me, I know the hell you're going through Rebel. I've always suffered from anxiety but nothing like the fear I felt when HA kicked in. I drove my family to the brink with it a year ago and they were seriously worried about me. I even ran away for two days to stay in a hotel because I thought  had bowel cancer and that was the end!! Totally ridiculous when I think back but so very real at the time and the fear was off the scale. It was definitely a severe case of 'flight or fight' and I flew!! Needless to say, all was okay and it wasn't just bowel cancer that I feared, it was everything to do with illness etc.  I have a brilliant therapist (NLP/hypnotherapist) that I pay to see because anything NHS is not in depth enough or a complete waste of time. She helped me no end and just to have someone to offload on was very cathartic.

I can't say what mad everyone it all calm down Rebel but it did. Something just clicked somewhere along the line. I just reached a point where I said "enough, I can't do this anymore, so be it".  I was physically and mentally done in. Whether it was a hormone change or whatever, things just started to get better and although it hasn't left me 100%, I am in a place where I have stopped fretting and worrying so much. I think I have started to face my mortality in a more matter of fact way lately which has helped.

All I can say Rebel is, 'this too shall pass'. Tell your thoughts to "sod off" when they come and that helps lessen the impact. Come on here whenever you're struggling as you will never be judged and somebody will be listening. You obviously treat yourself well i.e. diet, exercise etc. So that's a huge factor but maybe instead of googling (the call me Dr Joogle in my family!!!) try a meditation on you tube or something calming. We feed the HA by reading about it all the time as if that's going to help when it doesn't.

Hope just knowing that it's perfectly normal to have this damn affliction but it will get easier.

Xx

[CLKD]

Also: remember that most of the stuff 'out there' is less then truthful!  If it ain't on the NHS web-sites or on the walls of your GP Surgery ....... 

[rebel2]

Thanks folks, that's all very reassuring.  Particularly as several of you appear to have got over it and are now able to take things in your stride.  I was much better for a couple of months but when a crisis hit recently I think I thought I could cope but deep inside anxiety took hold and it manifested itself in another body checking obsession.

Will try and be kind to myself and tell myself it will pass.

Thanks.

[CLKD]

For years when my continual nausea caused me problems I would check from head to foot before going into a shop to see if I could get round, pay and get out again B4 panic set in  . 

[Nula]

I feel for you....  I think Health Anxiety is far and away the most debilitating symptom I've suffered, and I think I've now experienced most of the meno symptoms at one time or another. 
I was finally diagnosed with ovarian failure at 40 and went from a healthy, positive career woman to a jibbering wreck sat at home worrying that death was imminent and my life was over.
I too find keeping my mind occupied really helps and as has already been said, avoiding Dr Google!  I now try to go and ask a source I trust and leave it at that, rather than scaring myself with all the horror stories.  I had a full health check to set my mind at rest that there was nothing materially wrong with me and I practice mindfulness when I go to bed to stop my mind from remunating on all the ways I may be dead by morning!!!
My GP was very dismissive of my HA unfortunately, but my consultant suggested keeping a daily log of what symptoms I had and rating them in severity 1 - 3.  I've found this quite helpful as I can now see how the symptoms come and go and so know they're not permanent.  It's also really helped me to see what things I do need to worry about and what I can just put down to meno.  I know it's not for everyone , but I found talking therapies also really helpful.  I found it has helped me build up more emotional resilience and whilst it doesn't make the HA go away, I felt some comfort in knowing that there is someone else walking beside me on the meno journey so to speak. 
There's so much going on for all of us at this point in our lives that it's no wonder we're all over the shop!  Thank god for the Meno-matters sisterhood though.  It's great to know that support is out there and that we can all get through this together.  Good luck and keep trudging on!!

[CLKD]

sparkle - we rarely exhaust our reserves as the fight/flight response will kick in - adrenaline rules  so you can put that worry to bed!

[rebel2]

I know what you mean Sparkle, I feel I will crumble if I get really bad news.

Am trying not to panic about dentist tomorrow.  Wish me luck!

[CLKD]

Threshold is lower but when push comes to shove, you will cope.  A sudden rush of adrenaline will enable you.

I have dentist next week