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[puddlesmum]

Hi Ladies

I'm Jackie. I'm 44 years old.  I had depression for 3 months when I was 14 which miraculously lifted one day and I never looked back.  3 family members passed within 15 weeks of each other and so I was back having depression again in 1997.  I was on prozac but it didn't lift the fuzzy head, and was put on Seroxat which worked for a while.

Since 2007 I've had these horrendous mood swings start which would initially start with an ache in my knee which wouldn't go away, and then I'd be plunged into a depression with severe anxiety and fatigue.  Within a few weeks I would build up the courage to start doing things again and keeping my mind off things, and "usually" when my period started all this would ease like someone taking their hand off a pressure valve and I'd be ok again.

I've had this on and off for years just thinking it's me overthinking and getting worried about things, but I was able to carry on and beat it by keeping busy as well as my Mum giving me positive coaching (until she got dementia and now is in a care home where she doesn't know who I am and can no longer speak).  That obviously devastated me. But I always managed to clamber out of the depths and carry on.

2015 I lost my dog who was my world. I was so close to him (and this sounds weird saying it) but it felt like I gave birth to him I was that close to him.  I suffered anxiety for 2 weeks and then one morning work up without it. 

Ever since then I've had trouble as I started getting the pain in my knee back which would make me anxious knowing that it would bring along with it anxiety and depression so bad I felt that if I moved I would break.  Well, this started again about 5 months ago but I thought I was coping ok until last month.

Hot sweats were bringing on the most horrendous adrenaline rushes at night. I got insomnia, but it's the anxiety and the very scary thoughts that this will never end which are making it worse.  I kind of realised that it's now too late to have a baby (and we'd been trying for nearly 17 years without help) as I'm morbidly obese so no one would take us seriously. I did lose 8 stone 2 years ago but half came back on when my Christmas anxiety kicked in.  And I'm getting older, it's scaring me.  I'm so frightened about the fact that I've kind of looked around and seen how old I am, how grey my hair is and feel that it's just downhill from now on.  Mum's 76 now and I'm gearing myself up for when she dies too even though when I felt great I never gave it a second thought.  It just seems that this last month has felt so intense that I just can't stop thinking about it all.

I just don't know what to do now.  I have a telephone appointment with Professor Studd tomorrow and I'm scared.  I'm scared that he'll not give me anything and I'll just be left hanging.  Only choice would be to up my anti depressants or change to something different.  I feel like I'm in the darkest deepest hole and I'll never get out or feel any better ever again.  I still feel like I'm a kid inside and what's outside doesn't fit.  I just sound like I'm going crazy.

I also have hypnotherapy on Tuesday so I'm trying to stay positive and do positive things but all I feel like doing is curling up in a ball and disappearing.

Jackie x

PS: Meant to say, doc put me on PrempakC a month ago and I started a bleed today. Periods have always been hit and miss for me as in 2002 I bled for nearly a year which didn't help as I'd only been married 2 years.  Doesn't seem to be doing anything for me at all. I'm just a lost cause.

[CLKD]

 

 

You are no longer alone!  Have you a list of symptoms etc. when you speak with the Prof.?  Several ladies here have good experiences as he seems to understand female hormone issues.  Make sure that you jot down his replies to any queries, even if you need to say "Are you able to pause whilst I jot that down 'cos I won't remember".  He may be willing to send your GP/yourself a letter with his suggestions.

Your GP should have been able to give you something for a long bleed, did you discuss the problems?  We tend to let things go when anxious/depressed, hoping it 'will be better tomorrow'.  However!  Be kind to you.  Some ladies keep a mood/food diary which helps chart symptoms etc..

Once you have sorted out the hormones then maybe tackle any weight issues?  There is a lot of support 'out there', maybe your Surgery has a dietician you could chat with, or contact your Leisure Centre to see if there is a Personal Trainer you could get advice from.  Little steps. You have lost the weight previously, so don't rule out success again!  Could it be hormone upheaval contributing to holding onto the weight?

Curling up in a ball is instinctive.  It tells others to go away, it enables the person to begin healing ……. but it does tend to mean we don't eat/sleep/exercise when we ought to!  [been there etc., survived!].

This too will pass.  Try not to take on too much at once.  Learn to say 'no' to others.  "The Change" is that, an alteration of what we have known as the body begins the next stage!  Bugga …………

[puddlesmum]

Thank you.

Well I was in an out of A&E when I was bleeding and they never seemed that bothered.  I ended up going to see a specialist in Harley Street who diagnosed PCOS. Shortly after that I got diagnosed with diabetes so they gave me Metformin and that was it.  I just carried on as best I could.  Being so overweight they would just go on about that, and to be honest I can deal with it myself just didn't feel ready to until a few years back when I lost 8 stone.

I just want these feelings of doom to go away as I'm scared to do anything. My partner is fab but even he's getting a bit "it keeps happening" so I try to stay happy for him.  Today all I've done is watch football simply because it's easy to do and doesn't require me to think as I'm nervous about tomorrow's phone call and Tuesday's therapy as I don't know if any of it is going to work and whether or not I'll be stuck like this forever.

I'm so overweight at the moment I can barely walk so getting a personal trainer is out of the question at the moment   I just want to feel normal again then I can tackle everything else. My mental health means the world to me and I just feel so stunted at the moment. 

I had months before where I've had this and then the period starts and it's all gone and I feel amazing again but this month has been horrible.

[CLKD]

PCOS crossed my mind.  Your GP should have supported you by referring you to a Gynae.!

When I had severe depression in the 1990s I spent a lot of afternoons laying, dozing - 2 cats and dog close by.  They knew when I was low and my dog never nagged for a walk, unless she could sense I was 'up'.  It did pass.  Eventually.  But I feared that I would never feel well again.  My GP has been wonderful and we have worked together to find an AD which works, not a cure but it enables me. Husband has been great too!  I wanted to feel better yesterday  but it didn't work like that. It's OK to watch TV, relax as much as possible until you begin to get treatment and advice for the various symptoms.

There are medications that a GP can prescribe to stop bleeding.  What are you taking for the diabetes, do you have regular advice from a Diabetic Nurse? 

[puddlesmum]

The bleeding stopped thankfully after a year, but they never referred me anywhere to be honest, they just didn't care.  Thankfully I now have a different GP since we moved but they don't like coming out as I'm housebound at the moment.  Took a while to get them to come out to take bloods last week for the Professor tomorrow and even those they messed up as they didn't do estrogen or testosterone for me.

I'm not worried about all the bleeding now. It's this endless circle I seem to be in.  Starting with the knee pain then I know I'm in for a hell of a month. It's like I go straight into anxiety and depression then fight it for 2 weeks for it to clear as fast as it arrived. Some people have told me it's the hormonal shift.

But I'm having terrible peri symptoms with that and the hot sweats at night as well as wanting to read a book rather than have sex with my poor OH.  I'm hoping it's hormonal and that the Professor can help me.  It's hit me like a bolt out of the blue and I really need to start getting better again. It just came from nowhere (although I had been getting myself very upset about family members that had died in the last few years recently and sat in the garden not so long ago talking to myself about them and crying uncontrollably).

Oh I now take insulin and metformin for diabetes and control is "excellent" by all accounts. Nurse comes around every 6 months to check on it and that's it.

Periods are regularish (give or take 4/5 days). But are much heavier than they used to be.

[dazned]

Hi 

Have you had your thyroid checked? Thyroid can give rise to weight issues as well as wonky thermostat problems.

[puddlesmum]

Yeah they did my bloods last week and according to the paperwork:  thyroid function: 15.4pmol/L (12-22) so I assume it's normal

[CLKD]

Let us know how you get on!  Make that list!

[puddlesmum]

I'm doing it right now

[CLKD]

 

[babyjane]

Yeah they did my bloods last week and according to the paperwork:  thyroid function: 15.4pmol/L (12-22) so I assume it's normal

Hi puddlesmum, was puddle your beloved dog's name?

Your thyroid levels are normal by the NHS reference range as you show but it might not be your own personal 'normal'. 12 - 22 is a wide range, if your own normal is nearer the 22 then you will be low at 15.  Would your GP agree to a recheck in 3 months time?  Do you have symptoms like feeling cold, dry skin, constipation as well as the weight gain?

[puddlesmum]

No Puddles is my new little furbaby. Biscuit was my beloved fur baby that I lost. He was my world.

I've never really felt cold, but over the last year I've had a couple of bouts where I've been absolutely freezing, right to the bone and had to go to bed and wrap up warm with a hot water bottle.  Constipation - yes sometimes. I can sit for a good 30 minutes and not pass a thing. Dry skin - yes it's got a little worse, especially on my legs but I have eczema anyway and often have it as well as really itchy ears where the skin inside is very, very dry.  I think GP will test whenever I ask as they don't seem to care either way.  It's the 2nd doctors I've been to round here as we only have a few that are accepting patients so can't move even if I wanted to. But yep I can ask for sure.

I've just checked some of my symptoms on the thyroid site:



Think I should send that to my doctor??

[CLKD]

How are you now?

[babyjane]

The trouble is a GP can only order a general thyroid function test which, as you have shown, is quite general.  In order to see the whole picture you need the full set - TSH, Free T4 and Free T3 at least and only an consultant endocrinologist can order all of them unless you can pay privately for it  .

Hope Biscuit is playing happily at Rainbow Bridge and that Puddles starts to heal your heart.

[puddlesmum]

Still feeling awful.  Didn't sleep much at all last night as I'm so worried about my consultation at 4.30pm.  It just feels like the day is never going to end and I'm going to feel like this forever.