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[babyjane]

....neither are a strong point of mine.  I run scared when I have to front up to someone or I say nothing and a 'situation' arises.

I have to tell my hairdresser of 2 years that I am not happy any more and am going back to my previous stylist at another salon.  The trouble is this hairdresser is a neighbour with a local salon and, I suspect, could be perimenopausal herself.  Her manner has turned 180 degrees since last October and can be confrontational. She has just given me my third rubbish haircut after doing it so nicely before.

We had an issue last october when I asked for something and she misinterpreted it and once it was done it took 4 months to grow out.  It was a modern inverted bob, longer in front and short at the back, on my curly hair which I do not straighten so it didn't work, but she was having none of it and kept pressing that it was what I asked for.  I didn't but it's what she heard.

She used to make me an extra long appointment so we could have a gossip and always charged 'mates rates' but something has changed and it is no longer a relaxing or pleasant experience.

Can anyone with natural tact and diplomacy advise me what to say to her as it will soon become obvious someone else is doing my hair 

[Mandz]

Hi baby Jane , I was a hairdresser myself prior to what I do now

I'm just wondering why you feel you have to explain yourself to her.......
It's your hair, your money, your choice....

Are you friends, as in socially, with her.......or do you just chat at the salon? X

[CLKD]

I agree - I've had problems locally over the last 8 years    …….. the 1st girl nearly drowned me and after the session I had to come straight home and shower with a complete change of clothes.  Had I been going 'on somewhere' ?

I went back to another girl at the same place who was OK for a few cuts then she became complacent.  Preferred chatting to me rather than concentrating - never went back although the cut was OK-ish.

I had a chap come here who was great but our circumstances changed in that we have the camper so are often out and at it - so waiting for 2 weeks for him to phone back and then wait for him to be in the village wasn't working.  We're still mates, I explained our changes and he was fine.

About 12 months ago I went to a nearby town - initially the girl was great, good cut, listened - after 3 sessions she became complacent and I had to go elsewhere to 'rescue' a bad cut  .  At last I found another saloon closer to home but after 6 months the girl found a job closer to home - great for her but she was SO GOOD  .  This week I had yet another girl who gave me a reasonable cut. 

Back to the initial question - whilst your hair cut situation is in your face I doubt if she's thinking about you much  .  If she queries why you don't go tell her that you wanted to explore different salons.  If she goes on then put up your hand and tell her that 'this isn't open for discussion, I've made my decision'.

Practice in front of the mirror ;-)

[babyjane]

Oh thank you for your quick reply Mandz.  I will answer your questions one at a time

I'm just wondering why you feel you have to explain yourself to her.......

because it's what I do as I have deep issues that I am having therapy for.  I always try to smooth the waters so I don't upset people and they won't like me (long story)  It is a personality disorder.  thanks for inadvertently pointing it out.  It could be a useful exercise to try and just say I have decided to go back to my previous stylist.

Are you friends, as in socially, with her.......or do you just chat at the salon? X

I wouldn't even say we are friends.  For a while she poured her heart out at the salon about her problems with her son but now she has become very guarded.  We greet in the street but don't socialise. She lives next door but one to us.

It is good to explore this in the context of my difficulties so thank you for your input 

[babyjane]

Thanks CLKD, I need to develop a thicker skin and stop being so needy!!!

[CLKD]

It's not being needy - it's probably about practicing what you need to say in order to avoid what you perceive as confrontation  .  I have whole conversations in my head prior to difficult situations.

[babyjane]

hm, trouble is the other person is not involved in the 'practise' conversations and can respond completely differently and then I get all tongue tied and try to atone for causing the situation (another long story, I might tell you one day x)

[CLKD]

I don't think the problem will arise ……. it rarely does for me after I've had the conversations in my head  - it is hard work to stop people pleasing 

[babyjane]

oh how I know xx

[Mandz]

Hi bj, yes I also have the need to explain things, but I really feel all you need to do is go to other salon and enjoy the moment

But if you feel so strongly, buy a thank you card, write in it what you want to say: something like thank u for doing your hair for last couple of years but due to unforeseen circumstances at the moment you will not be able to come into salon for the foreseeable......or anything else that you want to say xxx

[limpy]

Babyjane - You don't need to say anything to your current hairdresser, just make the appointment with your original one. If she does say anything (unlikely) just say you fancied a change.

[babyjane]

thanks ladies  .

Mandz, the current salon is only 100 yards up the road so I don't think I could say that but I hear you both.  I will not say anything for now 

[Mandz]

Oh I see lol xx 

Yes go with what limpy says, fancied a change

Sending mahoooooosive hugs xx

[Joyce]

I agree with Limpy too. I changed hairdressers some time ago, never told her. She used to be my neighbour. Bumped into her occasionally since & she was fine.

[babyjane]

love the concept of 'mahoosive', need that this morning