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[Justjules]

Thanks ladies.  After rushing off to the Dr's in a state on Friday morning I was determined after being reassured that if I give it another two weeks on the Sertraline, I would see some improvement.  I just don't know what to believe.  Yes, some people take them without any problems whatsoever, my friend does, as does her daughter, but they have just depression and not anxiety so I think anxiety is the factor in the side affects and why it's worse for me.  Just cannot explain how I feel on them at the moment.  Before the tablets, yes, I was very weepy and low and had no motivation and didn't want to do anything but can't see that this 'feeling' at the moment is any better.  I know I just don't feel like myself. It's been as if I can't relate to myself or understand myself and there is a disconnect. My reality feels different and I feel sort of switched off.  It's hard to explain and is subtle but I am very aware that I feel different than normal and it's unsettling. The family came as usual yesterday and within a few minutes of them being there I just wanted them to go and I started to feel unwell but then I tell myself off, pick myself up and then am okay.  I woke up this morning thinking I felt a bit better and the anxiety was a bit less but then I was in tears in the car on the way to work and then broke down in the office once I got in (thankfully, everybody was at a meeting) and called HR up and had a chat with her and told her what was going on with me and she was really understanding and told me that if I needed time off, to take it, and said to go to her if I need her, which was very nice of her.  I took a diazepam and felt slightly better by lunch but am tired out now.  I honestly just don't know what is going on.  I am so annoyed that I have stuck with it all for 6 weeks now and felt so rough and for what?  Yet, keep reading to carry on as things will get better - seems to be 7 or 8 weeks allegedly with Sertraline but who really knows???  Might have a word with the pharmacist on my way home.  I haven't had a good day for two solid weeks now.    

I saw my therapy lady on Friday and felt better after that but then it doesn't last.  I find it hard to put anything positive or distracting in place when I feel so rubbish.  I wasted yesterday, a lovely day, by just mooching round the house until tea time when everybody arrived. x

[CLKD]

Having gone this far maybe stick with it?  Did you drop by the Pharmacist?  I found the ADs that I took either gave me unbearable side effects or worked within 5-6 days.  It was a struggle until I found something that suits, it's not a cure but enables me to get out of bed in the mornings.  Some days I feel muggy but in general, the depression is under control. 

[coldethyl]

JJ, I really think you need to go back to GP and have a chat about changing medication and/or seeing psychiatrist for some input on meds as I don't think that you should be having to take a diazepam to feel that you can cope. They are a short term emergency solution and if your ADs are making you anxious enough to need one, then they really aren't helping. Sertraline is prescribed for people with agitated depression so it is a good one for anxiety , though one of my GPs felt that citalopram was better so maybe something else would help you ( I know you can't take citalopram with your BBs) - there are always the old style tricyclics like anafranil that you could  try if you feel that you need medication still.
Well done for telling HR. If you can't manage , there is no shame in being signed off for a bit unit you feel more able to cope. Hopefully therapy will help but maybe dig out our books and have a reread now so that you are already making changes. It is hard to have to battle against your mind day in day out but only by showing that part of your brain that wants your attention 24/7 that you won't be bullied by it, can you start to reclaim your life back x

[Justjules]

CKLD - no, didn't get to pharmacy as too late but may get there tonight as I finish earlier.

Coldethyl, I am thinking I need a psychiatrist now to be honest.  Don't they just prescribe even worse medication though, like anti-psychotics or such - I wouldn't want anything like that. I feel slightly better today - don't feel as nauseous and managed to do with a diazepam this morning.  Tummy pain has really settled but guess what - chest pain/ache is back and bothered me in the night!!!  That surely means that it is all 'in my head' because I hadn't had one single chest twinge the whole time my tummy was a problem, so trying to rationalise that in my brain and just doing lots of deep breathing in the night.  I really just want to give it the two weeks that the Dr said just in case she's right but then that's it, will be coming off them.  I am reading the David Veale book again and yes, of course, it all makes such sense but why then can I not apply it to me!!! 

[coldethyl]

Psychiatrists can look at your medication more thoroughly than a GP - they don't just prescribe anti-psychotics although a lot of their work is with psychotic rather than neurotic patients. I saw one years ago and she talked me through my meds and then referred me to the mental health team and I saw a psychiatric nurse and attended several group therapy things at hospital. Sadly those sort of things have been cut but they should still be able to help find a med that works to refer you more quickly to the secondary mental health support like a psychologist.
It is hard to apply the techniques which is why a good therapist is invaluable but in my experience the short tick sheet CBT offered by the NHS isn't usually enough for people with entrenched OCD/anxiety.
If you can keep with the sertraline for another week or so then at least you'll know if it gets better and if not, then you can change with a clear conscience as it were. There are a class of drugs called SNRIs of which Effexor is most widely used that might be an alternative, or mitrazapine which is different again. Or as I said, an old style tricyclic. Personally I think good therapy is better than medication as it gets to roots of issue but that's just me.x

[CLKD]

Neurotic   discuss 

A Psychiatrist will take a detailed history and prescribe as appropriate.  He/she will cover all types of depressive conditions including psychosis.  Either on an in-patient basis or with support from the GP.  There used to be locally employed Psychiatric Community Workers but in the Midlands they were phased out in the 1990s  .  Mine was very supportive and would visit me at home every couple of weeks.  Meant that when anxious I didn't have to drive nor sit in a waiting room, fretting. 

Depression is a chemical imbalance of the brain.  NO amount of 'therapy' will ease depression. If it were so then medication would not be required    Been there done that and was close to ending it twice.  Only medication keeps my brain in any kind of order, enabling me to get out of bed. 

I realise that 'therapy' in the way of talking, relaxation, yoga can help sufferers.  I had talking therapy in the 1990s which enabled me : discuss, decide, ditch : sorted out my head so that I could move on.  I can no longer remember why I went to therapy in the later years, initially it was very involved and complicated but talking helped me to ditch the small stuff.

[Justjules]

It's just when you think 'psychiatrist' you really feel you've got problems and are really in at the deep end....might be a false assumption but it seems a bit scarier than just seeing a psychologist/therapist.

I've just got to ride the next couple of weeks out I suppose and then see what's what.  There is no quick fix, I realise that.  I am supposed to be going away to Spain for 5 days mid-March and I really don't want to let the others down and not go but I'm worrying that I won't be right by then.

[CLKD]

Who told you that?  Stigma again  .  Yep; if you are referred to a Psychiatrist then you *have* problems  - that your GP can't deal with. 

What's the difference between seeing a Gynecologist, ENT Surgeon or Psychiatrist?  I know, there was a stigma but don't encourage those around you to continue the myth 

I rarely tell anyone what medication I'm taking, which Specialistes I've been referred to, certainly I would NEVER tell my family - nowt to do with them!  Would you tell people when you use the toilet  …… my GP and Himself are on the list of those who 'need to know' 

'letting others down' is in your mind  - many years ago I was very ill one C.mas night and had to return to the Hotel.  The next morning Mum told me crossly 'you spoiled the evening for the others then!' - "well nope, actually: if they aren't capable of having fun without my being around, that's there problem not mine.  If they decided to let the evening be spoiled, that was there choice!"

I have NEVER told her any health problems again.  It's obvious that she cares more about the feelings of others than my own.  (long story short  )

[BrightLight]

Hi JustJules. Do you feel as if the 'package' of things you are doing to support yourself are right for you?  Sounds as if you maybe want to review it all and see what is working and what isn't. 

I understand that fear of the word psychiatrist, I think I have the same reaction, but I think it's the myth, like CLKD says.  They are always referred to in movies and things - scary movies   In reality I think the difference between psychiatrist and psychologist is that one dispenses medication and the other one doesn't.  Both play a role in managing mental health and if the medication you are taking doesn't seem right then your GP or a psychiatrist is the appropriate person to seek help from.

It's a horrible thing when our health means we are looking ahead to see if we can cope with something, I am doing similar at the moment, but I am also trying a new 'trick' in seeing what it feels like to do the things anyway.  Sometimes it doesn't make much difference where I am, but on the other hand, I know I definately miss opportunities for brain shifts when I stay at home - by that I mean positive, happy shifts.

[babyjane]

This from the internet -Psychiatry is a medical field concerned with the diagnosis, treatment and prevention of mental health conditions.

A psychologist is a professional who evaluates and studies behavior and mental processes.

[CLKD]

   also, a Psychiatrist is a medic first who specialises.  A Psychologist does a different line of eduction to get good enough to practice.

"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" ? never worked for me  - I have to flee.

[Justjules]

Just an update ladies. Went back to GP yesterday and actually saw my favourite one who knows me well but is hard to get to see. I am coming off the Sertraline as she said I shouldn't still feel this rubbish. Wanted me to start mertrazapine in a few weeks but think I don't want anything else as couldn't cope with another 6 weeks of hell. Has given me some more diazepam to tide me over. I hope I can go back to feeling better than this....it frightens me that I won't. At the moment I am doing zero housework, struggling to muster up any motivation to even make the bed and do anything but exist every day.  Still zero appetite and an effort to eat so that doesn't help. Even though I was low and weepy before at least I got on with everything. I am scared that there is something wrong with me as I have had a couple of episodes today for an hour or so where I just didn't feel well and then it passes off. I hope it's just because I am so anxious all the time.  Saw my therapist today so that helped. X

[Justjules]

Yes, Sparkle she is a good GP. She even made me an appointment to go back in two weeks while I was there. X

[Kathleen]

Hello Justjules.

Also wanted to send hugs and hopefully the diazepam will calm you and give your nervous system a break.

I often get anxiety surges that come out of nowhere and linger for hours. I find them very unnerving and if your experience is similar, you have my sympathy.

Take care.

K.

[Justjules]

Thanks Kathleen. Yes, horrible things....getting them in the night since taking the Sertraline so hoping they start easing off once I'm off them. X