Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[jedigirl]

So many of my casual friends seem to have best friends, people they have grown up with or are just so close to, that they spend time with or care for deeply.I have friends but not sure how many of them care about me truly. Maybe it's a reflection of my life right now that i yearn for a special friend.
 I'm  always there for anyone who needs me and have some lovely friends but they're all so busy and I feel like something is missing. Blimey, I sound like a 6 year old!I moved around a lot as a child so left all my infant and  teen friends behind.
Does anyone else feel this way? Is it too sad that I want a close friend??
jedigirl

[ellie]

I know just how you feel jedigirl, my best friend died six years ago, and although just like you I have other friends, I miss that special bond I had with my best friend. We could talk about absolutely anything, I still miss her , always will     

[CLKD]

Friends for me have waxed and waned.  So I no longer depend totally on 1 person other than DH.  I try to have people who will help if it is required.

[jedigirl]

Oh Ellie, that's awful for you. Life is cruel sometimes.
I just would like a pal to share shopping, socialising, stories, life with other than my hubby. He's great but sometimes you need a female understanding.
So sorry about your friend xxx

[CLKD]

Is there a WI group, a Housewives Register, a Rambler's Group close by - getting into a group with similar interests may well open up the opportunity of doing other things.

[jedigirl]

I'm not great at meeting new people CLKD, or crowds,half the problem really. Plus hormonal anxiety meant I pulled away from socialising last year and lost some friends who didn't understand.

[Ju Ju]

Yes, this used to worry me. But in hindsight I wasn't good friends with myself. Now I accept myself as I am. I have a lot of friends who I like and respect and I benefit in different ways. But best friends? What does that mean? What do you want from a friend?  What would you bring to such a relationship? I enjoy my own company. I like to do things by myself, but I also enjoy the company of others, but not all the time. Would a best friend want more from me than I am prepared to give? I don't know. Perhaps I don't need a best friend as I am fortunate to have one in my husband. Your post got me thinking about I used to feel and why I feel ok about it now.

[CLKD]

I had that problem when my anxiety took over - within a week I halved my C.mas card list  .

People now have to realise that if I say yes to something tonight, by the morning I might well be too anxious to go so they have to get on with it without me.  My real friends don't rely on me for stuff but we can enjoy meeting when I am able to do so.

Could you volunteer for the Cinnamon Trust or go into a Charity shop to help with the laundry - meeting people in short bursts which will break up your routine?  You can tell people as much/not as you feel comfortable with.

[jedigirl]

Hi JuJu
I guess I just mean someone to be close to, not just share small talk or just be colleagues. I had a close friend as a teen and we shared great times. I love my hubby to bits, we've been married 25 years and still love him deeply but a girl friend is different.
I think my feeling right now stems from having to be there for my elderly Mum, my teen daughter who is struggling with life, my work life which is stressful and not seeing a lot of hubby through work. I feel like everything to everyone with little return.
Is it wrong to want someone else to share good and bad times with , have a natter, a cuppa etc without it being a drama or chore. I think I would be a caring friend.
I had a friend over today, well actually my daughters' friends Mum dropping friend off. I felt like she wanted a chat but didn't feel like it! It felt like she was being nosey asking loads of questions about my daughter! Probably explains my lack of a close pal!
CLKD,
I don't have much time to volunteer, I still work.

[CLKD]

You are spreading yourself rather thinly! Pity you don't like new people as a ramble across the fields, round a town or by a river can be lifting.  How does DH relax?  Is there an evening where you could simply 'be' as a couple somewhere locally?

Is there someone at work that you could walk with in your lunch hour?  Does work have a sports and social club?

[Ju Ju]

Yes, my DH is lovely, but as you say, he can't be all things for me or me for him. But I feel the same about friends. That's why I have several friends. But you do need someone to offload to at the moment as you do on this forum. Someone non judgemental and accepting. Someone you can be honest with, who will see beyond the "Oh I'm fine." when asked. At the moment, it sounds it would be difficult to give much to such a relationship, but you can on this forum. If you want, you could exchange PMs with someone you feel comfortable with.

[Katejo]

So many of my casual friends seem to have best friends, people they have grown up with or are just so close to, that they spend time with or care for deeply.I have friends but not sure how many of them care about me truly. Maybe it's a reflection of my life right now that i yearn for a special friend.
 I'm  always there for anyone who needs me and have some lovely friends but they're all so busy and I feel like something is missing. Blimey, I sound like a 6 year old!I moved around a lot as a child so left all my infant and  teen friends behind.
Does anyone else feel this way? Is it too sad that I want a close friend??
jedigirl

I know exactly what you mean. I have one good friend but she lives too far away to see regularly and she has her own family problems at the moment. I didn't move round as a child but have still lost touch with childhood friends. I have also lost 2 friends who sadly died very young (around 40). I do try hard to keep in touch with people but it isn't easy.

[jedigirl]

CLKD,
I work as a Teaching Assistant so apart from 20 minutes break, it's all First Aid and Special Needs rotas. In fact I'm starting to realise just how little time i have.
Juju,
You're right, I probably don't have the time I should to be a good friend, I would hate to be someone who just takes all the time.
katejo,
sorry about your friends, I guess as we get older it becomes harder to find real friends. I won't give up trying though. Someone out there deserves my brownies!!

[clio]

An interesting post, as we get older friends seem to disappear, I have a few friends but I hardly see them, cant be bothered to be honest, so after reading this post it made me think why dont I want any friends??  I love the company of animals and can chat away for ages to a donkey or a dog.  However there have been many times i have needed a second opinion or advice so thats when a best friend would come in handy but you have to be prepared to be there for them as well, thats the bit I have a problem with.  I think i have answered my own question why I dont have a best friend.

Clio

[dazned]

I must count myself very lucky I think as I have two such friends,one who I've been been friends with since we were 5years old,the other one since high school. !
One has suffered with meno,so much so my DH says we must be twins ,we only have to say when trying to explain how you are feeling " oh you know what I mean " and we know that we are understood,so affirming.
The other one hasnt had problems with it but she has been a rock in other ways and it is a different bond with a girlfriend than a husband/partner. Im grateful to have them both in my life.