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Author Topic: Feel like I am going mad  (Read 25729 times)

Babsm67

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Feel like I am going mad
« on: July 31, 2015, 08:38:06 AM »

Hi, I have been reading posts on this forum for nearly a year but have decided, after another 'meltdown' to post.  I am desperate for help as I have not felt 'right' since my early forties and have a history of anxiety and depression (my first bout of depression reared its ugly head after I gave birth to my daughter 22 years ago and the same thing occurred after I had my son)..  The last year and a half has been hell with the development of severe mood swings, suicidal thoughts (which occur in the week leading up to my period) extreme anxiety, severe PMS, a breakdown, an eight week separation, resignation from my job,  development of food intolerances, hair loss, insomnia, night sweats, weight loss then gain, unbearably sore breasts plus I now have spotting midcycle which is merging into my (heavy) periods.  I know there are people with far worse problems on this Earth but my life is currently a living hell and I don't know what to do.
My longsuffering husband is losing patience with me and more than anything, I need him to give me a hug and tell me he still loves me but he is not really demonstrative & I end up worse.
I tried Oestrogel HRT a year ago and felt fantastic for 5 weeks then the bloating, weight gain, sore breasts and aching legs started and I had to stop it.  I was too scared to try the Utrogestan part of it because I have always had bad PMS & was worried that this would make it worse.
I have now been referred for endometrial ablation to try & sort out the spotting/heavy period problem & am due to start CBT at some point to try and conquer the anxiety.  I was on an SSRI anti d on and off for 10 years but then I couldn't sleep without sleeping pills in the last year.  Finally, they stopped working.  Now on a different trycyclic anti d and these have helped me sleep but my weight has rocketed and I am constantly bloated & constipated so I don't know where to turn from here.  Does anybody have any advice - please help (sorry this is so long). Babs
« Last Edit: August 03, 2015, 04:57:50 PM by MadBloss »
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Babsm67

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2015, 08:53:24 AM »

Ps I also keep forgetting things and have stress and urge incontinence so that has knocked my aerobics on the head (I turned 48 in the Spring).  I just want to feel 'normal' and enjoy my life again (so does my husband!). Babs  :(
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dazned

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2015, 09:03:16 AM »

Hi and  :welcomemm:

Glad you have joined us you will find lots of support here ! Someone will soon be along to give you some practical advice hope you find some solutions soon . Not feeling great myself at the moment so do empathize with you.
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Babsm67

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2015, 09:19:10 AM »

Hi dazned,  thank you for your encouragement - just hearing from others who are going through the same thing really helps.  I have made an appointment to see my doctor next Tuesday morning to get my medication reviewed as I don't think it is helping me enough - certainly not during my 'bad PMS week'.  I have never known anything like this.  I hope you can find something to help you too.  Take care. Babs x
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dazned

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2015, 09:42:31 AM »

One thing you could mention is maybe the possibility of vagifem a local estrogen which should help with the stress incontinence. As our estrogen levels drops so do the muscles in the vaginal area vagifem helps plump them back up again,have a look about it on the threads on here.
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babyjane

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2015, 02:47:01 PM »

hello, I am sorry to hear you are having such a lonely and miserable time.  Have you seen the 'advice for husbands' bit?  would your husband read it to try and understand this 'new you' that is confusing him?

Take time to browse round the different threads.  I always find one to make me feel better about myself.
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Kathleen

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #6 on: July 31, 2015, 03:18:47 PM »

Hello MadBloss and welcome to the forum.

This can be a horrible time in our lives and you have my sympathy ( the power of hormones never fails to amaze me ).
We have a lot of expert ladies on this site and I'm sure they'll contribute soon plus you could of course email Dr Currie.

For constipation and bloating you may want to try a good probiotic. I don't want to advertise but if you want to know more about the good ones I can send you a personal message and pass on the information I have.

The choices and treatments may seem daunting but that means there are plenty of things to try and hopefully you'll strike lucky sooner rather than later!

Wishing you well and now you have joined us you won't be facing the meno monster alone.

Take care.

K.

 
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babyjane

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2015, 03:20:52 PM »

kathleen is right.  I have IBS symptoms but they are kept at bay quite well since I have had one of those live yogurt drinks in a little bottle every day  :)
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CLKD

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #8 on: July 31, 2015, 03:28:37 PM »

 :welcomemm:

I have had panic attacks since age 3 and my GP gave me Betablockas in 2002 to ease anxiety surges.  I have taken Valium on an 'as necessary' basis and now have another emergency tablet for when anxiety floors me.  I also take 5mg anti-D tablet at night and morning. 

How is your diet?  I was told by NAPS to eat every 3 hours, 24/7.  At the time (1980s/90s) I had a puppy who needed to pee in the early hours so when I went back to bed, I had a biscuit: she soon learned that there were biscuits to be had on her way back to her bean bag  ;).  The idea is not to eat more but to spread your diet around the whole day.  Slow release foods such as porridge ( :sick02:), bananas and granola can be useful and my stand-by are Dextrose tablets as well as packets of dried fruits and nuts.  NEVER for sharing but for me  ;).  In more recent months I have been buying breakfast bars and will be looking into the quick fix packets which pro-cyclists use.

You may find that progesterone would upset you even more as you had PND and PMT.  Are you drinking plenty as that can ease constipation, as can the odd sachet of one of the products from a chemist (names escape me  ::) ) - Pharmacists have private rooms now so you may like to wander in and have a talk about what might suit?  Senna did nowt for me but since beginning granola for breakfast, my bowels are much improved (we have threads about that here somewhere  ::) ).

Vaginal atrophy - another much read thread: for me it was more urine-type infections which actually weren't but symptoms of wanting to wee all the  while, feeling sore etc. were due to atrophy of the thin tissues lining the vagina.  Felt like razor blades down there  >:( but my GP realised and stuck me on treatment - WORKED! Phew.  I'll bump the thread  ;)


Somewhere here there's a page for husbands.  Might be worth you printing it off for your OH as this ain't going to go away in a hurry.  We have a buzz word when I'm feeling tetchy, one shout and he scurries for cover.

You aren't going mad.  You are hormonal  >:(  ::) ……….
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Gill Mojo

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #9 on: July 31, 2015, 04:24:57 PM »

... a history of anxiety and depression (four bouts of post natal depression)..  The last year and a half has been hell with the development of severe mood swings, suicidal thoughts (which occur in the week leading up to my period) extreme anxiety, severe PMS,  development of food intolerances,  insomnia, weight loss then gain, unbearably sore breasts plus I now have spotting midcycle which is merging into my (heavy) periods.

Aside from the deletions and the adjustment I have made in red, you have just described me. As I have said elsewhere, have had depression since I was 13 and diagnosed with bi-polar (unmedicated as nothing has ever worked to date). I had a spectacular meltdown this afternoon. Could not stop crying; just wanted to throw myself under a bus or go to sleep and never wake up again. Thankfully, my best friend was here and saw me through it (without him I suspect I'd be in a padded cell, at least, by now). I don't have any answers for you, but we developed an idea for how to deal with my spinning head, racing, despairing thoughts and anxiety about everything. No idea if it will help you or me, but worth a go maybe?

The idea is to write down everything that is racing around in your head - I'm going for the ABC approach, writing down whatever is bothering me for each letter; like A for anxiety, anger and aches - then writing a sentence about each word to pin down exactly what is bothering me about it; such as 'Anger scares me because it is so intense and out of control.' The idea is that once everything is written down I may be able to get more of a handle on it and work out coping strategies.

If nothing else, we're all here to support you, give you a virtual hug, and make you feel less alone.
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GypsyRoseLee

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #10 on: July 31, 2015, 05:58:14 PM »

Hello

So much of what you have written really resonates with me. I also suffered extreme anxiety and depression after my first baby was born. I spent 2 years on ADs, and though they enabled me to function I felt like a robot.

Eventually I just stopped taking them and actually felt 'better' off them. Some ups and downs but at least I felt human again. I was then perfectly well for years.

Then during the Autumn of 2013 when I turned 42, my PMS (always suffered with it) suddenly got much worse and lasted much longer. Then just before Xmas 2013 my PMS was horrendous but failed to disappear after my period arrived. It just went on and on, getting worse and worse.

Within days I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I was crippled with extreme anxiety and filled with feelings of despair. I had insomnia for the first time in my life. I couldn't face food, only nibbling on dry toast. Xmas and New Year were a nightmare.

I hid my symptoms from everyone hoping they would disappear as quickly as they came. No such luck. I just got worse. I had a panic attack just queing in our local shop and had to wake my poor husband in the night because I was feeling suicidal and desperate.

Then after 3 weeks of sheer Hell I suddenly recovered and spent a blissful weekend feeling normal again. But within a week the awful anxiety, irrational thoughts and insomnia were back and stayed for another 3 weeks. I thought I was losing my mind. Then they disappeared again, overnight, and I had a reprieve of several days.

I saw 2 GPs. Neither once mentioned anything to do with hormones or the menopause despite me mentioning the curious way my symptoms disappear for up to a week at a time.

I spent 6 months on ADs. I felt better but the anxiety and depression kept breaking through regularly. My bad times were really bad. Really bad.

Finalky saw a specialist who told me I was a poster child for hormonal depression and anxiety during peri menopause because of my history of PMS and PND. I have been on HRT for the last 4 months.  I haven't reacted badly to the Utrogestan at all. But I don't think HRT is string enough as I am still getting several days at a time of awful anxiety and low mood.

I am about to try taking the Pill as it is more controlling and powerful than HRT.

Please don't feel alone. There's so many women on here who can help. Keep posting, we're happy to listen.
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CLKD

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #11 on: August 02, 2015, 12:49:41 PM »

Any improvement Gill?  What set off the crying session?  I never wanted to die, but to sleep until the pain went away  :-\.  I knew it would pass but was oh so scared that it wouldn't  :'(.
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TropicalVon69

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2015, 04:05:55 PM »

I absolutely feel your pain....this morning the depression was so bad I felt suicidal...end of period today I might add....forced myself to go out with my daughter and her friend but feel wired now....anxiety and depression are better than last year but still pretty unbearable especially when you don't see an end to it, so I have started on day 3 of femoston and keeping my fingers and everything crossed for a better day tomorrow....I feel so hateful towards people too, so not my nature...coping with this hormonal hell has been the toughest thing in my life bar none...you have my understanding and sending love and hope xxx
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CLKD

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #13 on: August 02, 2015, 04:07:03 PM »

 :bighug:
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babyjane

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Re: Feel like I am going mad
« Reply #14 on: August 02, 2015, 04:19:25 PM »

from me too ~((cyber hug))

I have used St John's Wort for a number of years but I have been reducing the dose recently to see what happens.  My moods are not as stable as they were and I feel more up and down emotionally.  I never know when I am going to feel tearful or angry and I feel so negative and grumpy then an hour later I am singing to the dog!!
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