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[Annie0710]

I have just my 20 year old son left at home.  I'm my own worst enemy whereas I've brought my children up not helping around the house.  But it works both ways.  I've never gone in their rooms without asking , giving them full privacy, likewise they've never gone in my room without permission.  So, if it's not in the wash basket, it doesn't get washed.  He cleans his own room (always a dirty tip in there) but we get on well.

I don't do stress, and many times I've been told by people I'm too laid back, but that's just the way I am.  I'm gobsmacked if he offers me a coffee !

I hope you're feeling better now, we have hormones playing us about left , right and centre and it's better to let your tears flow than keeping them back

[CLKD]

Sometimes once they have left and returned, they feel in a difficult situation regards housework.  Because the routine is set they don't want to interfere; apparently  .  A friend explained that he felt awkward about offering his services

[toffeecushion]

Thank you all.  Feeling a lot better now, been to Tesco and bought a cake   Going to change my way of thinking - if if ain't in the bathroom it don't get washed   But I know he will bung it all in in one go and just when I thought all the washing was done I will have a basket full.

[CLKD]

Could he not have a day when he does his own laundry?  That way you could do a load if it's put out and if there's extra during the week   â€¦â€¦  ………..

Did someone mention  >hands over plate< 

[Joyce]

Oh I can relate to that TC when our son was still at home. He's much better nowadays now he has his own place with his GF. He does heaps more than he ever did here, mind you his GF wouldn't let him be otherwise. 

As for crying at the drop of a hat, I've done that on occasion. No rhyme or reason to it.

[CLKD]

Hormones   

[caz24]

I have times when I cry easily and other times when I feel like I could do with a really good cry and just can't. I think that most of us do too much for our children and sometimes their remarks can be like a slap in the face when you're feeling particularly sensitive.

This thread made me smile though, reading all about your children's 'pits' and Sparkle how you can barely get in the door with the hoover. My daughter's room is like that and I just go in to see her and try my best to ignore the mess. She'll be going off to uni later this year so she'll have to have a clear out before she goes but then I'll be crying because I'll miss her so much.

Hope you feel better now Toffeecushion after some cake. I'm off work tomorrow and will definitely not be doing housework! x

[Hurdity]

Hi toffeecushion

Just to add - when I was peri-menopausal I blubbed a lot of the time and at the slightest thing! All sorts of stuff made me cry that I used to be able to cope with so just have a good cry and then maybe you'll feel better!  Let the tears come.... this phase will pass..... Explain to your sons that's how you feel sometimes and that you are not seriously depressed - that it's just hormones like extreme pms!

As for the washing. DON'T DO IT! Heavens - they are in their mid 20's!  If they have been away from home (eg university) then it's easier to initiate this. Even if they haven't it's about time they did! Having said this sharing a washing machine can cause problems eg sons doing a load, when I want to or leaving it sitting in the machine!

You will all be doing them a favour by setting ground rules, and expecting them to share the work-load and especially at this time in your lives!

Hurdity 

[Annie0710]

Ooh yes Hurdity reminded me, my son does his own ironing too! We taught him how to do simple meals too, as I say he does nothing to help but lightens my workload with the bits we've taught him

[Carolyn]

Morning Ladies,

Oh my this all sounds familiar - crying - well do nothing but cry at the moment, but hey ho it could be worse.

With regard to the children coming home from Uni - my two (twins) are coming home soon for the "Summer" and I like most mums are looking forward to seeing them but on the other hand dreading it - I've enjoyed the time here with me and hubby just 'Pottering around the parish' as they say.

Now the washing load - I said to my lot when they were last home - I was as cool as a piece of Ice and when we were all sitting down for dinner I said, 'the maid is having a day off tomorrow'  'We don't have a maid' Doh! my Daughter said 'we jolly well do' was my reply, but anyway she's not in tomorrow and actually guys we really ought to look after her because I have heard she is thinking of handing her notice in!

So next day came and I took myself out for the day, nearly bloody killed me thinking what was left at home, but I came back after they were all home.  I never stacked the dish washer, washing machine wasn't on, milk left out, clothes left on the landing by the washing bin!! lights on, you name it I did.  I thought we had been burgled.

It's amazing how they picked things up and then wiped down the sides and stacked the dish washer - try it Ladies - who got the upper hand yours truly.

Love to you all and have a lovely day

Hugs x

 

Toffeecushion - you my friend are doing just fine - just like the rest of us

[Rhubarb]

Hugs, that was a brilliant idea. I don't know if I could handle leaving it all behind for a day, I think it might kill me too, but sounds like it's worth a try!

All this is so very familiar to me as well. Little everyday things have me in tears all the time, like being overwhelmed by housework and feeling taken advantage of. The mess in my daughter's room (so many beautiful clothes, all over the floor!) gets me so upset I find it's best if I avoid going in there altogether. Today I burst out in tears at the thought of my son's upcoming graduation from high school--not getting emotional at the thought of this milestone event but because I don't know if I can handle having a graduation party at our house!  Graduation parties are pretty much a requirement, I'd feel like a terrible parent if I didn't give him a party as nice as the one his sister had five years ago.  But I was only 43 then, I didn't know how different I could feel at 48, how overwhelming it can seem in the middle of this hormonal mess.

And I haven't yet allowed myself to think about my daughter leaving in September do her graduate degree in the UK. A whole year on the other side of the ocean. I will be crying a lot when that time comes.

[caz24]

Rhubarb

Had to reply to you as so much of what you've said really struck a chord with me, we're the same age and may have children of a similar age, My son is leaving secondary school which I think is the same as your high school but luckily the school arrange a party at a hotel so I don't have that worry. You mention the mess in your daughters room...same here, feeling taken advantage of...same here!
My daughter will be leaving in September to go to uni, in the UK luckily but still a good five or six hours drive away from us and I'm dreading her leaving and not being around. x

[pepperminty]

Hi ToffeeC,

I cry very easily due to peri meno. It's worse at different times of the month . Glad to see you are feeling stronger . Keep strong.

Pepperminty xx

[Rhubarb]

Rhubarb

Had to reply to you as so much of what you've said really struck a chord with me, we're the same age and may have children of a similar age, My son is leaving secondary school which I think is the same as your high school but luckily the school arrange a party at a hotel so I don't have that worry. You mention the mess in your daughters room...same here, feeling taken advantage of...same here!
My daughter will be leaving in September to go to uni, in the UK luckily but still a good five or six hours drive away from us and I'm dreading her leaving and not being around. x

We do seem to have a lot in common, carol24! I felt the same when I read your earlier post and you said we do too much for our children.  A five hour drive is quite far, we'll need to start a support group when our daughters go away in September! I'm thankful my son will still be at home, he's going to a university nearby, but it will be much quieter and he will be missing his sister too.

[CLKD]

Goodness Girls let them go  ……. DH went from 1 side of the country 2 the other by train in the 1970s, only 1 train there and 1 out daily.  No way could any one at home take him because we were all working.  He had to pack everything he required into a trunk which went on ahead.  He had no lodgings when he arrived …….. eventually he found a B&B for the 1st Term and he moved the next.  When he went into Hall rooms had to be cleared at the end of each Term as they were let for holiday makers. 

The train journey, by the way, took 8 hours! ………. his parents taught him to cook/clean before he left home.