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[toffeecushion]

I'm sorry but I need to vent and to ask if anyone else cries easily.

I've got a day off work today so usually spend it catching up on housework.  Last night I asked my sons (25 and 26) to make sure all their washing was in the bathroom so I could wash it today.  Well one did it the other didn't (shouldn't have expected any different really).  So I went in his room this morning, while he was asleep and picked up all his dirty clothes and washed them.  Big mistake, I should have known because they were on his floor that he didn't want them washed.  He had a moan this morning and I couldn't cope. 

I'm not feeling too good anyway, I ache all over and am having to struggle taking my vitamin D tablets.  I don't want to spend my day off doing housework and other people's washing but I do it anyway.  I just want to curl up somewhere and have some time to myself but I can't.  I shouldn't let it bother me but it does.  So as soon as he left this morning I just burst into tears and now my head is aching as well.

Going to leave the cat litter (next job on my list) and have a cup of tea.  Haven't even got any biscuits .  Thanks for letting me rant, life seems hard at times.

[Dulciana]

The answer is yes, toffeecushion.  Usually when I'm feeling stressed and/or sorry for myself.  Which seems to be quite often these days! 

[Claireylou]

Yes Toffee cushion, sounds like my house at the mo. I've got two unruly teenage boys and a husband 

I'm feeling tearful at the moment too so I've decided not to do any housework today. Instead I'm going to do some baking and then curl up with a good book and a cuppa.

 

[toffeecushion]

Thanks for replying.  I feel a bit silly now, but sometimes things just feel so difficult.  Having a cup of tea.  Hope you both have a good day

[dahliagirl]

I would say picking the things off the floor and washing them was absolutely the right thing to do if that was not what he wanted in my book 

He should have done as you asked, or let you know properly that he did not want them washed.  And definitely not left them on the floor 

(speaking as a menopausal mother of an unemployed 23yr old university drop out)

[dazned]

Oh yes Toffeecushion feel for you 


Sons 25. 26  ! You need to start thinking of yourself a bit more ! If you dont want to spend EVERY day off doing housework then don't !
They are old enough to help out i.e. being tidy in the first place,they can surely open a washing machine door and push a button ! As someone on here said to me when I felt guilty about not being able to cook,clean, etc when feeling bad, DELEGATE ! If had a broken leg,arm they would have to do it 

Look after yourself and give yourself a break ,you are more than worth it . X

[Spangles]

Sounds just like my son! The difference is I would have left his washing, he's 23 and has been away for 4 years at university, he moves back home in 5 weeks and the thought terrifies me! Does anyone else feel like this? My other half and I have got used to it being just the two of us, initially it took a lot of adjustment when my son first went away so I know I'm going to be up and down when he returns. I love my son dearly like any other mother but I'm in full blown menopause now and things are different. I would say curl up, read, watch a movie, phone a friend, whatever you do even if it's only for half a hour, if it's you time then you will feel better afterwards and able to deal with the things that upset you a bit better.
xXx

[toffeecushion]

Thank you so much for replying.  I really needed your support.  It all seems so petty, but I just can't even handle the little things anymore.  I've just been up to his room and there are still clothes on the floor and they are staying there.  If I can't get the hoover in it won't get hoovered.  I love my sons to bits but often feel that I should never have been a mum, just don't think I am there for them like I used to be.  Same goes for my husband really.  I feel such a different person, sometimes I feel like I have no feelings and I am just plodding through life just existing. 

[dazned]

"Don't think you are there for them like you use to be "

You nutured them from -9months through adulthood ! They are men now! Albeit they will always be your children ! 
Cut yourself some slack ,have some time for you,if you feel better then they will benefit in the long run .

Remember if you spoil them too much another woman will have to pick up the pieces !   

[toffeecushion]

Remember if you spoil them too much another woman will have to pick up the pieces !   

That made me smile, that's so right

[Angela68]

Hope you feel better toffeecushion..

I cry at the drop of a hat these days, cant watch movies if someone dies in them, cant even tolerate a baby crying without it making me really tearful!! Its a nightmare!......I even burst into tears when my partner dropped toothpaste on my freshly washed black bathroom floor tiles!!   He thinks I'm a nutter these days and at times so do I, but hey ho... not much I can do but sit it out and hope i'll come out the other side of this hormonal hell one day soon!

Take care and as the ladies all said, take time for you, you are Important too! 

Angela.x

[CLKD]

I am unable to cry.  Rant, shout, get angry ……. but not cry.

However: a man is only as good a husband as his mother allows him to be 

Time for The Conversation.  At their ages I would not be happy with parents in and out of my bedroom/bathroom.  We all need our space.  So asking them to put their washing ready for laundry day is surely as far as you need to go?  Whilst living with my parents mine didn't get done unless it was in the wash box in the bathroom the night before Mum did laundry which was once a week.  Followed by her doing the ironing and putting away.  If I had forgotten that I required an item she would turn it round  by hand washing and holding in front of the fire but that didn't happen often.

It comes down to, if they lived alone they would need to do chores themselves: or not ……..  if you no longer want to do their laundry, then don't.  It doesn't mean that you care less, but you are giving them 'wings' 

[Tealady12]

Hope you feel a bit better now Toffeecushion - don't feel silly either.
I too cry much more than I used to. Especially when tired and anxious.
Look after you for a change - our children get the best of us and then we are too tired to care for ourselves. I have a 12 and 15 year old and do try to get them to help out, especially as I am a single parent, but their apathy is astonishing. I have pretty much refused to go near my daughter's bedroom - it is a pit!! My son ,who's 12, is tidier but often has to be reminded that he does actually know how to turn a tap on to get a glass of water!
Sending a hug and be kind to yourself, you sound like a lovely Mum!
Tealady xx
p.s. go and stock up on biscuits and chocolate! 

[CLKD]

Teens take advantage ……… I know I did but my parents wouldn't allow me to do much around the house.

I think too that we have too many items.  We had to change our school clothes once we reached home into play clothes, we had different outfits to wear for Sat. and Sunday and Mum made sure that school clothes were ready by Sunday evening.  Same with shoes - we had wellies, shoes, plimsolls, and slippers. 

[Kathleen]

Hello toffeecushion.

I am in a similar position to you as my 22 year old son has just moved back home and will be commuting to his new job. Prior to this he was away at university and then lived and worked in London for six months. He is perfectly capable of looking after himself as an individual but when he is at home he doesn't feel the same pressure and although he will do things if I ask, he doesn't notice the jobs that need doing and doesn't think to volunteer! My daughter on the other hand is more observant and helpful, she always does her own washing when she visits for example, whereas my son even needs to be reminded to empty his laundry basket.

Your sons sound like typical young men who haven't realised that household chores need to be done which means somebody has to expend time and energy doing them! Don't worry, they'll learn soon enough, we all do, and in the meantime I think you should be kind to yourself as well as your sons.

Wishing you well.

K.