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[Janelouise]

Hi Ladies,
Hope you are all battling through ok the best you can.I know it can be awful
I am really really struggling due to the intense anger and deep depression and memory lapses at times I feel crazy.
Iam 50 years old and whilst having a period every 3 to 7 months or so I never really put it down to anything! until, one day out of the blue a few months ago I went absoloutly crazy with rage and lashed out at my husband and cried for days after. This has been occuring ever since and I know it sounds awful but I dont like him at the moment I cant bear him even near me.All he does is argue back with me and provokes me and he knows its the menopause! I have anxiety also which I have had as a child and I have had thyroid disease for 8 years. My family dosent want to know,nor does my inlaws and there is just no support. I have no friends to turn too as  since I left my home town 15 years ago to marry my husband . This is my second marriage and I've only been married 2 years but I just cant stand him around me grrrrr. I told him just now to let me have some me time and to give me some space for a few hours. I cant go out anywhere due to anxiety. I hardly eat because I am always so angry and upset... but what an awful time this is.

I don't suffer with hot flushes I'm wondering if my thyroid tablets control this. I have phone consultations with my dr as I cant travel anywhere unless its for blood tests. My blood tests last showed my FSH level was 80 and she said I was in meno and I'm not to be scared of my symptoms and because I am not going the hrt wayy she said just take vitamins... so that's what I've been doing and it does nothing. I take vit D and b complex and cod liver oil along with glass of milk most days when I can crawl out of bed. I had a period a couple of weeks ago after several months of seeing nothing and I felt a bit gutted as I was hoping I had had my last one. I've wrote a letter to my dr begging her to help me but there is none.

I know some of you can relate to most of this... but please please does anyone know what could help
Thank you so much for listening

Jane xx

[jedigirl]

Janelouise,
Bless you, I think we all feel quite crazy during this and we can understand and sympathise with you.
Maybe you can show your husband this site and some of the posts so he can understand better and support you more. There's a section for men on the site.
I think the only thing that has helped me with the huge mood swings has been HRT and even then there are hard days but maybe not quite as desperate. Your FSH is same as mine and i admit to feeling out of control of my emotions at times, not with rage but fear and anxiety. I guess that's different for each person though.
Maybe you could look into counselling , sounds like you have alot to offload. Keep chatting on here, there is always someone with great advice.
Hugs
Jedigirl x

[Annie0710]

Hi Jane and welcome

I can't help you as my symptoms are more physical than emotional but just wanted to say initially I didn't talk much with my partner over this, I think because I didn't know what to say about it but since joining the forum and realising that many women go through awful symptoms I am now completely open with him, about everything.

Our guys understand even less than we do and we need to involve them in this.  That's easier said than done, my ex husband was useless with pregnancy and childbirth so would've been appalling help to me now

Just to add, my mum passed away many years ago so I can't ask her and I doubt my 2 brothers could help, and I don't have any friends this is happening to,  so I totally get your feelings of no one to talk to

Ask questions, there's so many knowledgable ladies on here
Xx

[Janelouise]

Thank you both.
I have previously showed some articles online to my husband but he says he can't help his temper. I have asked him to see a Dr to see if it's his age as he is 52 but he says he dosen't need to...
He can be lovely at times always telling me I am beautiful and he helps around the house,then as soon as I am in my meno state he really argues with me. Maybe it's me, but it is so upsetting for us both. with  my anger I have told him to go and he said he will never ever leave me and I can take it out on him but then he argues again . I will never understand men lol never xx

[honeybun]

Perhaps you need to walk away rather than argue. I always tried to do that. There was no point in a stand up battle because no one won. Hubby knew if I disappeared into the bedroom with a book just to leave me alone. I had to learn to control my temper as murder would have happened 

We do understand how you feel, but he has to try to understand a bit. Print off the advice for husbands and get him to read it and find a way for you to calm down. A walk, a bath, read a book. Whatever works for you.


Honeybun
X

[Janelouise]

Perhaps you need to walk away rather than argue. I always tried to do that. There was no point in a stand up battle because no one won. Hubby knew if I disappeared into the bedroom with a book just to leave me alone. I had to learn to control my temper as murder would have happened 

We do understand how you feel, but he has to try to understand a bit. Print off the advice for husbands and get him to read it and find a way for you to calm down. A walk, a bath, read a book. Whatever works for you.


Honeybun
X

Hi Honeybun,
I have tried walking away but he blocks my way and he wont let me leave the room as he thinks I'm going to leave him but he knows I can't as I have agoraphobia. I understand what you mean regards nobody winning,it just feels like a losing battle. Thank goodness you all understand and we all aren't crazy. When I last spoke to my daughters who live with their own partners I pre-warned them about the awful menopause and explained that most of us ladies were never educated about the meno and that's why we never know what's happening to us. I said to take it from their mum that it could it could be a rough ride when they reach that stage in life. My youngest daughter who's 27 looked it up and was quite understandable. I like to retreat to the bedroom too to be on my own and go on the internet but I haven't felt like it for days but today I did and I have calmed quite a bit. I love walking with my dog and walk the fields on the farm land I live and rent a little annexe to a farm house and my elderly landlords live next door... I am sure they hear me but they say they don't  I hope not as I wouldn't be able to face them lol
We dont have a bath here,only a shower. I do miss my baths though lol
xx

[CLKD]

Welcome!

You need to sit your husband down with the words 'we need to understand what is happening and I need your help with this'.  He may be frightened: fear + worry = anger.  I know.  Been there.

HORMONES - mine caused me to lash out regularly, DH knew my period was due before I did - he would say 'check your calendar!' - then my guilt would set in 

Have a thought about why you married this man.  Then tell him why! and add that you aren't the same person right now, [after all this isn't called 'the change' for nowt]! 

However, if he is blocking your way, that is a form of abuse.  My Dad would follow Mum around the house ranting …… she tried the walking away bit but it didn't work  .  So you really do need to address this issue before all else! Having a buzz word might help.  Suggest that in future he is to walk away from you when you 'start' as you are both aware that this is at present, uncontrollable and you have found that shouting doesn't achieve anything!

You won't find alternative/herbal remedies work for long because your hormones are all over the place.  Maybe this is the time to visit your Practice Nurse/GP and discuss anti-anxiety treatments as well as HRT.  Have a read of the menus top of screen ……. you don't have to make decisions immediately but knowledge is power.  I take a beta-blocka at night in order to control anxiety surges and have used 5mg Valium 'as necessary' when I HAD to go places.  I know have an emergency drug to swallow when the anxiety floors me ……… for 4 months in the 1990s I was unable to leave the house  …….  …….

[Janelouise]

Hi CLKD

I hope this isen't too long and I don't mind if it is edited if so lol

I have spoken to him and he knows that it's the menopause but he says he can't help arguing! I told him, how can you treat me this way and keep provoking me when I'm really angry I said he's meant to be my support and after all the nasty people including his own father who whispered to me once that because of my illness his son could do better really hurt me but I still stuck by him.and not once has he sorted all these bullies including our own familys out .
I have had to cope with it all on my own and sort it all and I am so so fed up and hurt that he's picking fights with me! especially around this menopausal time. It's really brought my anger to the surface and I feel that is good in a positive  way as I have now cut all the nasty people out of my life. This is why I go nowhere because I'm afraid someone is going to start on me.

When I married him,he was completely different regards arguing with me.He really has changed. We never do anything together... he watches tv on his own in the evenings and I stay on my computer in the bedroom. I love dancing on my own for exercise but he gets moody if I do it and never wants to join in it's my only way to release my andrenalin and music makes me really happy.
I felt so down again last week that I had a whole bottle of wine because I'm so confused with it all and he even provoked me then and alchohol and arguements just dont mix. I was up all night being sick with all the upset and the menopause symptoms this is why I just cant stand him near me sometimes.

Thank you for the advice regards treatments.I am having my blood test for my thyroid done on Thursday and will hopefully speak to a dr about it all when the results come back.

Hi Peri, I'm glad you understand! it's so awful isen't it.. but he still carries on as normal. He's going to lose me if he dosen't help me. I need him at a time like this but he just wont make the effort.
I haven't chosen Hrt due to the inteference with my thyroid illness so I opted for the vitamins which aren't working but I will look more into hrt.

Thank you both for your replies

Jane X

[CLKD]

Was he married before?

It's not very adult to tell you that he can't help arguing  ……… maybe couples' counselling would help.  If he has been raised in a volatile 'family' it may be engrained.  It took a stranger to point out to me how I 'came over' to others in my attitude and that person helped me change …….. the best way to sort out family members that are picky is not to engage in the first place!


Have a browse round, make notes about the HRT available and seriously think about talking to your GP.  As for going out and meeting people who may 'start on' you …….. stick to the dancing ! 

[Janelouise]

No never been married before or had any proper long relationships :/

Will have a good look around the site
When I mentioned about anybody starting is just that I have encountered the odd few crazy people here in this village. Don't ask me why the people of this town are like it lol.But there is always somebody out there who gets funny as an example if you park your car in the wrong place and so on and it always happens to us .

I did some dancing today and I had no arguements at all finally lol

[CLKD]

I danced from the age of 8-18  - every Sat. morning and Thursday evening.  Could never touch my toes though 

We have an argumentative loud bloke down this street  - fortunately his wife rarely retaliates.  Nowt as strange as folks!

[Janelouise]

Hehe I can't touch my toes either lol but I love dancing or should I say shaking it about and silly dancing. My dog sighs and looks at me strange  when I start dancing silly Lol.. Yes, I agree some people are strange Lol

[CLKD]

My JR hated it when I got the clarinet out of the case, she would howl even before I'd put it together 

What have you decided about communication with Him inside?

[Janelouise]

Awww bless lol. I showed him the article on here which was really well written. And he said he will be more understanding and that he didnt realise how bad it is. I must admit he has got a little better. Fingers crossed he sticks to his word. I have copied it onto notepad and saved it to my desktop just as a reminder to him

[CLKD]

That's a start then!  You needed backing as you already know your problems are hormonal. 

Now giving back - little hugs, blowing kisses etc. .  The problem is, this time of Life hormones can be a constant upheaval.