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[GypsyRoseLee]

Haven't been on here for the last 6 weeks because I have felt so much better. Just a few days before I was due to see my GP to plead for HRT (can't go back to see my consultant until May) I started taking double strength Promesil Red Clover + high dosage Vitamin D3 and calcium. Within a week or so I felt completely back to my old self so didn't bother seeing my GP. The nasty random insomnia disappeared. The pangs of anxiety disappeared. The feelings of dread disappeared. My period came and went last month and I barely noticed. I honestly though I'd found the remedy for my symptoms and was so happy.

This month I have felt equally as good. But my period has been late in coming. The last few months have all been roughly 24-26 cycles. This month my period didn't start until yesterday. Day 31!

Don't know if it's coincidence but went to bed feeling perfectly normal, but then woke up this morning with the old anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Have felt very 'off' all day. Low and quite panicky. Feeling quite cold and shivery too (heating is on, but am wearing two sweaters and my cosy slippers).

I guess I just wanted to moan and get this off my chest. I feel so disappointed and fed up. I clearly haven't recovered. But to have 6 weeks of no anxiety or depression was so wonderful. I don't understand what has changed or how it's changed so quickly 

Is it common to have these quite big gaps of normality before feeling like you're back at square one again?

[dazned]

Sorry to hear that you are feeling bad again.

Unfortunately this peri/menopause thing isn't something you recover from ! You just cope some days better than others,especially if you are peri as your hormones are all over the place.I think it supposed to help if we can except this and try to roll with the punches,easier said than done ! 

[CLKD]

Your own hormones may be breaking through what you have decided to swallow  …… so the good feelings get interrupted and disrupted, plus your bleed was late. 

I have had bad anxiety today and I too have felt colder ……..

[GypsyRoseLee]

Sorry that you are all suffering too. Last night I had to take 10mg of diazepam to help me get off to sleep.

This is just such a poisonous illness really, isn't it? The fact that it's so unpredictable makes it that much harder to cope with. We are due to go on holiday in May and I have been so looking forward to it. But if I feel like this then it will be unbearable- being away from everything that is comforting and familiar etc. I only agreed to book it because I felt so well.

Still at least this latest episode proves, once and for all, that it IS my hormones. No other 'normal' anxiety/depression disappears completely for 6 weeks only to return with a vengeance the day your period starts, does it?

I can only assume my oestrogen must be very low right now as I'm on Day 3. But then last month I didn't have of these symptoms at all either before during, or after my period? It's so confusing?

Can you just magically have more oestrogen one month, and much less the next?

Is everyone else taking HRT? Because that's worrying if the symptoms can still break through, even so.

How are you all feeling today?

[CLKD]

   it is possible for the bodies hormones to continue wavering which upsets any attempts to quwell them - damn it!

Try to take an hour at a time, lots of deep breathing ……….

'poisionous'      is what I would describe my anxiety to be

[GypsyRoseLee]

Do you take HRT CLKD? Sorry I can't remember. Just praying that it's only back for a day or two? I religiously kept a mood diary for nearly 4 months and these horrible 'bouts' tend to just last 2-3 days before disappearing as quickly as they came.

But sometimes they arrive during my period. Othertimes they arrive mid way through my cycle. Once or twice they've arrived on day 21. I wonder if it cortesponds to just normal hormonal changes at certain points in my cycle?

I just wish I knew in advance. The fact it arrives out of nowhere makes you feel so helpless.

Feeling tired and sleepy today. But probably the 10mg of diazepam is still in my system? But can't feel motivated to do anything. Yet on other 'good' days I get tonnes done and really feel a sense of achievement.

[CLKD]

Apart from treatment for VA I haven't needed to take HRT. 

I suppose it is possible that the hormones rise and fall and over-take the medication.  Adrenaline is the reason why anxiety hits which can be triggered by issues ……….

[SueRoe]

My best guess would be that when your last cycle didn't happen "on time" your body tried to force it to co-operate by releasing more than usual of the hormones (FSH/oestrogen I think) than are usually required. This might explain why you felt so rotten - you were swimming in an excess of hormone(s) that usually cause few, if any, problems. An excess of oestrogen for instance can make us feel truly horrible.

[CLKD]

These changes are quite capable of flooring us 

[babyjane]

I have had times of relative calm and normality and breathed a sigh of relief but it always seems to lurk and then come back.  Sometimes it comes back in disguise with something that it hasn't done before just to confuse us even more.

Over the last couple of months my hot flushes seem to have been replaced by this adrenaline anxiety feeling which I now realise is part of the wretched package.

This forum is great for reassurance so thank you everyone who takes part 

[GypsyRoseLee]

It is just so erratic isn't it. So you can't prepare or plan. I felt so anxious and dreadful on Sunday night that I had to take some valium. Monday morning I felt very drained and feeble, and still with that evil anxiety bubbling under the surface. But by lunch time it was lifting thought I felt very sleepy. Yesterday morning I woke up feeling as right as rain and very rested. Felt perfectly normal all day, got tonnes of housework done, went to bed feeling fine...woke up too early this morning feeling anxious and on edge again.

My period has been very light again this month. Really more like spotting and only lasted 3 days. Last month it was heavier and went on for 6 days I wonder if that's why last month I didn't have these nasty symptoms because my hormones and my period were much more 'normal'.

I just wish someone could analyse me and say 'Yes, well it's because of xyz on this day which changed your hormones at this time which caused abc to feel different.' At least I would feel more in control of myself.

[GypsyRoseLee]

CLKD, you are right in how these tiny hormal changes can floor us 

I had a bad miscarriage and dealt with a nasty cancer scare but nothing has made me feel so anxious or panicky or frightened as these hormonal changes due to peri menopause.

[Claireylou]

GypsyRoseLee I totally agree with you. I think, for me, it's the not being in control bit that's really frightening. I find these threads somewhat comforting though so I shall keep reading xx

[GypsyRoseLee]

I know exactly what you mean Claireylou. When you're in the depths of an anxiety bout it's so easy to think you're the only person on the planet feeling this way. It really helps to know that other people know just what you're going through.

I find keeping a mood diary really helps too. So you can at least check back and reassure yourself that you have written proof that these horrible episodes DO pass.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Babyjane - those long periods of feeling calm and positive again are lovely aren't they? But now I'm going to be suspicious of each one knowing that it won't be here to stay, not even if it lasts weeks and weeks (as my last one did).

I have never had a single hot flush. But I am very, very familiar with the anxiety/adrenaline feelings you describe. Just so horrible. And nothing helps. My husband is so lovely and suggests treats and presents to cheer me up, but nothing helps. I just have to wait for my hormone level to change again. Just feel so helpless.

I see my consultant again next month. I wonder whether to try HRT as she recommended a few months ago. It just seems a big step when I can have weeks and weeks of feeling absolutely fine. But when the bad days do come, they're so bad that I would take anything to make the anxiety go away.

Do you take any HRT yet?