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[Gypsy]

As a newcomer to the world of muddled monthlies and hot flushes, I'm astonished at how little this so-womanly function is hidden away in our society. I'm astonished that I didn't know about all the symptoms. Hot flushes and a few erratic periods and being a bit ratty was the extent of my knowledge. All women go through it for heaven's sake - so why oh why is it still only whispered about?
I feel like I've just entered a private club - when I suddenly rip off a layer in company - other women friends of a certain age look at me knowingly. 'You too?' A friend recently whispered.
When I openly said 'yup, I'm getting hot flushes' the rest of the company looked embarrassed. You'd think I'd just said 'yup, I'm incontinent.'
It makes me frustrated that I'm expected to pretend nothing is happening to me and I've been expressing that frustration by telling my friends - in front of their husbands and partners that - yeah! Actually I have started my menopause and I'm blowed if I'm going to apologise for it!
Thank goodness for this forum - and please forgive me for letting off steam.

[Joyce]

Oh if only our mother's had told us. All my mum told me was possible hot flushes, heavy periods and that was about it. No HRT in her day. She suffered in many ways though, but it wasn't discussed.

TBH I've tried to be open with my DD to get I don't need to know that! Oh yes she does. When her time comes I will be sympathetic. Maybe her generation will be more informed.

[honeybun]

I am the same. I have mentioned it in all female company twice and they were all older then me and was met by a stoney silence. I felt a real pratt. Never again.

My daughter has been really sympathetic. She is only 18 but keeps telling me that there are lots of women on my forum the same as me. I really don't tell her much as she is too young to be burdened with my problems.

I does make you feel as if you are very alone when other women won't talk of it.
Their problem.   Not mine.

Honeyb
X

[dylan]

this is very true , yet every single ,women has . to , deal with it , at some point  ;)you would think , us ladies , would stick , together 

[wombat62]

I think ladies don't discuss/admit it in open because a) it's admitting to the ageing process, even though I read that it's actually starting earlier and earlier and b) you probably don't want to compromise your job. As we all know it affects everyone differently from those who sail through it to those who go through hell. If you're in hell we all know it's easy to make mistakes because of lack of sleep, the anxiety, brain fog, forgetting things and how sympathetic are employers to this? Therefore we shut up and carry on and keep our fingers crossed.

I've started chatting to close friends about it, one then went off to her docs to get some HRT and is feeling much better so that helped!

It is the last taboo, it's probably easier to come out rather than say you're meno! We still live in a society where womens stuff is still swept under the carpet.

[Rose]

It's the old 'suffer in silence' brigade. Unfortunately for some, I don't like suffering or silence so that's why this site is so good! My mother (86) refers to 'down there' when she is talking about bladder problems. I also remember when I was in the midst of labour pains, to 'be quiet' so as not to upset the other women! I mentioned this to my daughter who said that she was also told off for moaning when in labour and that was only 2 years ago. Why women believe they have to hide this very disturbing part of life is beyond me. It's so much easier to be able to talk to someone in the same boat as you, don't you think?

[Meg]

I was just thinking this tonight that it is still not something other women talk about.  Perhaps its a bit like depression, people still feel it's a stigma and others wont understand and this is still true.  There are some who are open about menopause and many who will not talk about it even to other women and then there are those who say they have not been troubled by it, if true then they are the very lucky ones.  It is a good job we have forums like this otherwise many women would honestly not know what had hit them or have any support.

Meg

[Suzi Q]

no its the last taboo people dont want to talk about it except maybe family
Even good freinds get a bit ewww so you shut up say nothing
Hubbies fab but even he hates my atrophy cos even with Vagifem I have blips like NOW
2 weeks and maybe 6 days 100% OK I shaved down there which always irritates it
But even so its not good and even the thought of sex scares me though of xccourse its nothng like it was 3yrs ago
Buut untill this blip 2/3 weeks ago Ive been fine for months?
Thios is why this site is so important here we can say how we feel and even if theres kowne there while your typing you know someone will answer xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Rose]

Gosh you are so right Suzi Q, not many people want to hear about it but they'll drone on and on about other things. Sorry your atrophy is playing up, Suzi as you've been an inspiration. If you can do it there's hope for me somewhere. Trying to get my body used to oestrogen cream as I was told to(not making any difference) and coupled with the other pain I just want to sit in the corner and cry, well itch and cry really. You ladies have given me hope and I hope that this blip goes away soon. I just want rid of this pain/itch/foul mood swings so I will keep going until I can use the full dosage of oestrogen. Do you think that it was shaving that caused this blip, Suzi? I will have to give that up too and even here in Oz I shall not worry about my bikini line even in temps of 38 +. I don't think anyone will notice to be honest 

[Lucky Stone]

Shaking my head here  I am happy to talk about the meno but so many women just sort of tut tut, oh well, I never had ANY bother with that, it's natural, oh no I'M not taking anything blah blah. What a fuss!! Well, I'm sorry but some of us appear to have it harder than others and I don't see why we should apologise for that and suffer in silence. The latter often appears to go in hand with "having a nip to calm down" - work in a shop and you can smell those who are coping in that way as soon as they come in. I'm not condemning - no one is perfect - but isn't it better to get it all out in the open and get it sorted properly? It shouldn't be a taboo or shameful. Grrrr! Rant over. This forum is great and has been so much help to me. Thanks everyone. Let's stand together and be PROUD eh??

[Clovie]

If I even mention it to ladies around my age (50) they ALL, and I mean ALL shake their head and look flabberghasted, say they are having no problems at all, no trouble, "it hasn't started in me  yet" - then they look at me with pitying eyes as if I have an imminent death sentence. 
I used to get a bit upset about it until I found this forum. 
Later it has been let slip in a few people I know that they were just not admitting it.
Why deny it?
It comes to us all.
No, I don't like it - I AM struggling with it because it DOES mean I am getting older (but then EVERYONE is getting older, even young 20-something girls)
I didn't tell my husband for ages in case he viewed me with those same pitying eyes and I couldn't bear that. 

and yes, I am having a bad-ish day in case it doesn't come across enough in my post 

[Joyce]

 

Oh dear, we all feel like that sometimes Clovie. In this day & age with folk being more open & discussing goodness knows what, why oh why is the menopause like a bad word? This forum is great for that. Can you imagine if all of us got in a room together? It would be non-stop chatter. 

[Clovie]

yeah it would be non stop chatter! and I'm sure we'd all have a giggle about it too!! 

[JeanneA]

I thank god for this forum and others so that we meno ladies have somewhere to go and can vent all we like.    I have learnt so much since being a member on here.  I always found it difficult to tell anyone that I was going through the menopause including my husband, I have to admit I found it embarrassing which sounds ridiculous, but that's how I felt.  Now I am more open to my family I feel I can tell them some of how I feel which is all thanks to this forum. 

[Tingly]

Ive no idea
All i know is if it was affecting another bidy part, say your arm hurt, instead of your giblets, nomone would have a problem with it.
I dont care anymore...we are all ade of the same bits of lego at the end of the day whether we care to admit it or not!:)