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[Pennyfarthing]

It is hard isn't it? I remember a cousin of my dad's telling me that she would be disappointed when she woke up in the morning as her health deteriorated and her best friend died. I'm so glad Mum and dad have each other. They kiss each other every night before going off to their separate rooms, just in case. When I'm there and Mum sleeps longer than normal in the afternoon, dad sends me off to check she's ok. Most of their friends have died. They are the oldest ones at their church. All mums siblings died young.

Their central heating has broken down. The central heating engineer has had great difficulty diagnosing what was wrong, even bringing a other experienced colleagues. A blockage somewhere that has moved due to the new pump being installed. I hope it's sorted before the cold weather comes and doesn't require carpets and floorboards being pulled up. Worrying at their age. When dad was younger, he would have been able to sort it out himself.

Awwww, they sound devoted to each other.

I remember one of my saddest memories was when my Dad was very ill and only a couple of months from death. I called over one afternoon  and they were both upstairs in the spare middle bedroom in single beds. Dad had moved out of the double bed as he was so ill and Mum was worn out looking after him as this was only about 8 years ago so she was about 85.  She had gone for her afternoon sleep and got in the other single bed for company. They looked so frail and ill both of them. 

[CLKD]

But somehow they accept it because it's what they have grown used to, it's those looking on that have the shock and sadness at the changes ……..

[Pennyfarthing]

I swear one day I'm going to flip completely!!  We have a meeting with Care agency on wed. Mum tells me tonight that the brothers have told her it will cost her a fortune.  They also suggested to her that she asks her cleaner to come and help instead .... bear in mind that this is the woman they didn't want in the house in the first place "snooping and prying" and who they thought had stolen money. 

Whatever I try and do is never right! 

[CLKD]

What did your Mother tell your brothers?  Why is she telling you?  Old Habits die Hard and I think parent/child reactions never alter instead of the aggravating child being 'told'  +  .  I know that when I walk into Mum's house I become compliant 

You flip Pennyfarthing - where would you begin? 

[CLKD]

Hopefully she will press on taking your advice ;-).

[CLKD]

That's because they phone from abroad    ??

So pleased that your are getting help set up Pennyfarthing.

[Pennyfarthing]

Had to laugh .... I told her i was really proud of her for coping with two lengthy appointments this morning.  I also saw her new garden fence today and it looks great.  She saw some men erecting one opposite a few weeks ago and went and asked the men to give her a quote. She also paid the bill Herself by cheque today when they finished.  It's been falling down for ages and the two brothers do nothing to help, not even getting quotes.

So I said she did really well too to deal with the fence business herself and she said  ..... "I know, I feel quite grown up! " I said so at ninety two you've finally grown up. We did laugh! 

[CLKD]

  ……..

[Charlotte ...]

Hi Bette,
My mum is the same age as yours, you are doing good work!

[CLKD]

Keep up the Good Work 

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

I don't often post about our woes with MIL but recently the strain has been enormous.

She is eighty nine and been in and out of hospital due to falls. She has been in every kind of care facility you can think of, residential homes she didn't like, rehab wards in two different hospitals ( rehab didn't work ) and latterly sheltered housing which is where she had her last fall and is clearly unsuitable. At the moment she is back in hospital and we are waiting to hear what is suggested next. She has mainly been living at home with the support of various equipment, four carers a day plus frequent visits from family members but we think full time nursing care is the only option left and the establishment in her town doesn't have any vacancies. She doesn't have dementia as such but has regressed to babyhood in terms of her physical needs. It's all very sad and she says she wants to die and who can blame her?  She has many serious health problems and takes over twenty pills a day. When her heart failure worsened eighteen months ago we thought the hospital would introduce palliative care, keep her comfortable and pain free and let nature take it's course, instead they gave her a pace maker and sent her home. The cardiologist said it would do wonders for her health and we wouldn't recognise her. Apart from a little less swelling in her legs we haven't noticed much difference and her general deterioration has continued.

Sorry to go on ladies but my anxiety is sky high today and I needed to offload.

Take care all and hugs to all those in the same boat!

K.

[CLKD]

Sadly the medical profession are sworn to care and heal, therefore if there is a product that may ease symptoms or improve issues, Doctors will apply them.  It is very rare that Medics listen to families …….

Lack of dignity particularly when family are present can be demoralising.  What are the Staff like Kathleen? 

[Kathleen]

Hello CLKD.

Practically everywhere she's been the staff have been lovely but overworked!

I accept that doctors will always suggest the best treatment for their patients but it can feel as if they are actually prolonging the suffering of very old and ill people. My MIL has often said 'doctors shouldn't  keep all these old people alive just to be miserable' and she has a point.

Who knows what the answer is but society/ governments will have to address the issue of how we care for our old and vulnerable and how we can alleviate rather than prolong their suffering. Our turn will come soon enough and I worry for us and our children.

Take care.

K.

[Pennyfarthing]

Hello ladies.

I don't often post about our woes with MIL but recently the strain has been enormous.

She is eighty nine and been in and out of hospital due to falls. She has been in every kind of care facility you can think of, residential homes she didn't like, rehab wards in two different hospitals ( rehab didn't work ) and latterly sheltered housing which is where she had her last fall and is clearly unsuitable. At the moment she is back in hospital and we are waiting to hear what is suggested next. She has mainly been living at home with the support of various equipment, four carers a day plus frequent visits from family members but we think full time nursing care is the only option left and the establishment in her town doesn't have any vacancies. She doesn't have dementia as such but has regressed to babyhood in terms of her physical needs. It's all very sad and she says she wants to die and who can blame her?  She has many serious health problems and takes over twenty pills a day. When her heart failure worsened eighteen months ago we thought the hospital would introduce palliative care, keep her comfortable and pain free and let nature take it's course, instead they gave her a pace maker and sent her home. The cardiologist said it would do wonders for her health and we wouldn't recognise her. Apart from a little less swelling in her legs we haven't noticed much difference and her general deterioration has continued.

Sorry to go on ladies but my anxiety is sky high today and I needed to offload.

Take care all and hugs to all those in the same boat!

K.

Sorry to read this Kathleen. I will leave it to others to advise you as my head is buzzing tonight and you need to speak to somebody who is still sane!! Xxx

[Kathleen]

Hello Pennyfarthing and sparkle.

Thank you for your comments. Hopefully something will be sorted out for MIL soon, I will keep you posted.

Sparkle -  thanks for the hug. I think everyone on this thread needs one of those including  the elderly relatives themselves.

Take care all.

K.