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[Suzysheep]

Michelle, I hope your hot boob isn’t causing more anxiety. I expect it’s a hormonal fluctuation. Try not to worry.

My anxiety seems to be hitting me in waves today.  Very odd. … but I’m mostly anxious.

I have booked an appointment with a private menopause specialist. It’s on 14 October. That was the earliest appointment they had, and it will be done over zoom.

I’ve gone through the motions this morning… but I feel like I’m bailing out the titanic with a thimble….. wading through thick mud…. You get the gist…….
One positive… I haven’t had any ‘dark’ thoughts today.
Oh… and a few days ago I dropped my dose of citalopram down from 40mg to 30mg. I felt it was too high and making me worse. I will stick to this dose for a while.

Are you up to anything today Michelle?

How is your day going Helen?

[Michelle7474]

Hi Suzy
No the boob not causing no aniexty as I’ve had it on and off for a while , although I don’t like the feeling I’m used to it lol and gotta be hormones

I’m ok today , I was jittery earlier but that comes and goes
I had my first cuppa coffee today since over a month or so ago .. I have been drinking just water or occasionally lemonade but stopped coffee thinking it was causing the jitters ( I know now wasn’t coffee ) but I’ve had decaff today and I enjoyed a hot drink , I actually missed my cuppas ( hopefully it’s a sign I’m on the mend )

Hopefully you get some answers on 14th .. you thinking of going back on HRT ?
I hope the lower dose of AD will help you.

I hate the on off anxious feeling when it comes in waves as can be perfectly ok and then it’s like where the hell that come from.

I’ve not done much today , I have cleaned etc I do that daily like my routine lol..
waiting for husband to come back for lunch , he usually comes back when he is working local
Then once he as left to go back to work , I might go for a walk .. I really want to go into town but I’m not sure with all this .. I don’t wanna over push myself then regret it kinda thing so that’s another day when I feel 100%
But I’ll get out side today and go for a short walk and to the shop for milk .. I don’t need it but it gives me an excuse to go into shop

I’m happy you haven’t had any dark thoughts today that’s a good thing .. hopefully Suzy we are heading for better days .. i know I say it every day but I do honestly believe better days are coming soon.

My friend message me this morning to see how I was … she is the one who tried HRT a while back and felt worse , tried AD Felt Worse and then struggled with aniexty
She started HRT again over a month ago maybe 2 months and she said she feels like her old self again and said she hadn’t felt that good in years and her aniexty as gone.
So I wonder sometimes if going on HRT too early messes up our systems
I’m sooo happy for her
She said she listens to a audio book called the secret said it’s all about positive thinking but she said it helps
Might have a nose later ..

Suzy did your bleed come after your vaccine ?? I still connnecting the 2 together for me lol 😂

Xxx

[Suzysheep]

Funny you should mention just drinking water…. I know you consciously gave the coffee up, but since I’ve got progressively worse I can’t drink tea practically all day, just water. I drink decaf tea anyway… but I just can’t stomach it.

No, my bleed was caused by the HRT. With in a couple of weeks of wearing it my breasts filled out again… they’d gone quite empty…. Then they got painful, then I had pms symptoms, then awful cramps… then a heavy period for about a week. My vaccine was back in the beginning of June.

I’ve read the secret…. A bit to airy fairy for me I’m afraid.
I’ve just bought a book called Hormone repair manual by Lara Briden. It looks a bit complicated and technical… but I’ll give it a go!

Hope your afternoon is going well xx

[Hopeful]

Hi Suzy
Sorry you anxiety is still hanging around. I’m still feeling a lot better but had a poor nights sleep, due to stressing over something I need to get done, that cause some anxiety heavy chest and tired hot eyes.
In work today so that’s a distraction and such beautiful weather I went to have lunch in the park next to my workplace. Am going to get my flu jab later and tomorrow have to be up early for a 7am coach to run the Windsor women’s 10k with my running club (hope it’s not too warm)

Michelle
I wish I could get on with my cleaning, I seem to have given it up entirely    You seem to be doing really well. I gave up coffee tea etc when things were at their worst drinking red bush tea( it’s naturally caffeine free) or fruit and herbal teas.
I’m not sure I am on the right HRT am only using half a patch at the moment may try going back to full patch soon or asking to change.
However I really don’t want to go back to that dark place I was in at the start of the year.

[Michelle7474]

Suzy
You think it’s our digestive system from the aniexty that’s makes us not able  stomach certain things
I always thought I was more jittery after a coffee , but it turns out I’m still jittery without it .. but I will stick with a decaff when I fancy one.
I still keep feeling nauseous on and off but it passes so deffo digestive system somehow effected but I remember my Pharmist saying that aniexty plays a role in digestive system
I’m bored of drinking water but I drink because I know I need fluids
Food wise I eat more frequently now and even if I’m not hungry I try eat it as although I actually needed to lose weight , I didn’t want to lose it this way.
But I don’t seem to put any on.. I did put 2lb on then it’s come Bck off again
But I’m not under weight so I won’t worry too much as I know I’m eating.

I did read someone else asking about the nausea coming off HRT so could be from that also

Ohhhh you think the book is worth it suzy I can’t listen to a load of old codswallop lol

My last vaccine was June 6th and it was 12 days later all this got worse and also was a period aswell so who knows .. I remember being fine all day and then evening someone switched on that aniexty switch and it’s never been turned off since .. but been turned down


Hi Helen , sorry you had a bad night and felt anxious
Hopefully the feelings pass for you
Good luck with your 10k… you do well with all this excercise
It’s a beautiful day today , apparently it’s meant to rain over weekend so prepare yourself for it Helen .. my husband run the London marathon and it was raining that day but he said it helped him… I looked like I had run the marathon at the end hahaha we had got to certain points to cheer him on and I was absolutely knackered lol ., we had a cab home because of most streets being closed off and even the cab driver asked me how long it took 😂😂 I musta looked well tired where as my husband had a spring in his step

I hope you get the right HRT soon , if things are levelling off for you now , would it be worth messing with it ? As in your having some better days

Suzy are you considering HRT again ? Hopefully if you are you get the magic dose which helps you with all this.

I’m now going to go shop , only takes 5 min there and back but it’s getting me out

[Suzysheep]

Helen, I echo Michelle, if you’re feeling better on half a patch, don’t go messing around with anything else. As we all know, it can have disastrous consequences!
Good luck with your run! I hope for a dull day to make it easier!

Michelle, yes, that book is total codswallop! Lol basically telling you that if you think about something hard enough, it will happen!!

I’ve made a start on my book… easier to read than I thought. She said something interesting… that in peri menopause she would only prescribe progesterone as the body is making wildly fluctuating amounts of estrogen. You were prescribed both… completely overdosed on estrogen. Remind me why you went on the HRT?

Xxx

[Michelle7474]

Hi Suzy
I won’t waste my money then ..

Ohhh interesting and funni enough Dr Currie suggested that I go on a mini pill destrogel I think it was called .. I was on mini pill micronor for about 15-20 years and came off it 7 years ago and remember the withdrawal from that lasted few months. 

I originally went on HRT as I had been getting headaches , fuzzy head , aches and pains all over ( different pain each day so it seemed ) I was getting palpitations  I would go very hot and stay hot ( not a flush ) and lack of sleep
My skin and hair went oily and then dry .. I had put weight on ( I blamed food )
Periods was regular then became closer together and I had experienced my first aniexty attack ( which happened a day before my period )
Main thing for me was the aniexty ( scared the life out of me when it happened ) &  also palpitations I think for me these was the worse things … my first aniexty attack was after I went red hot so I presume it’s hormone related.

Speaking to GP the day i called , I was told it was fluctuating hormones and at first she said oh I don’t know what to give you because of your history with blood clots and being on warfrain.
I asked about the mini pill and could I go back on it and she said it wouldn’t help only for contraceptive 
Then she called me back and said it was safe for me to use patches and prescribed Everol sequi 50 & was told since maybe she shoulda given me everol 25 to start

I’ve since found out the destrogel is different to micronor as I asked could I possibly go back on that one knowing I’ve had that mini pill before & GP said wouldn’t help with peri menopause

I’ve heard a lot of people mention the progesterone.. where we all think it’s estrogen we lack ..
I was also told that in the future to try hrt if I was getting night flushes
I had only ever experienced one .. until after I stopped HRT then coming off that I had a few night flushes.

[Suzysheep]

It’s so difficult to know what to do isn’t it.  Doctors don’t seem to know what they are doing. They’re not specialists.
I wonder if you could ask dr currie to send a letter to your dr recommending destrogel?

I think I could handle anything except this high anxiety. I’m worried that the longer my body is subjected to it, the harder the cycle will be to break. Sigh.

[Michelle7474]

It’s not knowing I think .. it’s like what if I went on the destrogel and then started feeling like I did on the HRT that’s what puts me off now .. and then if it didn’t suit would I have to do all the withdraw again
That’s what’s putting me off everything
And yeah I understand what you mean with the aniexty and hard to break
It’s like what’s the best thing to do ..
I’m stumped but I don’t wanna keep adding things into the mixture incase I have to withdraw from it all .. hard choice
I would ask my doc for it and say it’s been recommended and they would prob be ok about it …

I just dunno to be honest
Maybe I should read up on it xx

[Suzysheep]

Yes, I understand. I think where we’re concerned…. With our awful experience of HRT and withdrawal… we’re sort of damned if we do damned if we don’t.

The only thing we can do is give it more time…. But it’s hard when every day is such a struggle.

I’ve been out with the dog, gone to the shop, had a swim… but I can’t say I enjoyed any of it, I felt too panicked and anxious… like a robot version of myself…. A shitty malfunctioning robot made of cardboard and egg cartons at that!!! Lol

Xx

[Michelle7474]

Haaaaaaa I think my robot is made of the same 😂😂😂
I haven’t done much to be honest I went to the shop and did usual in here .. and basically that’s about it
I’ve just felt edgy all day .. I just read about the pill and few saying if you have aniexty /panic attacks then stay clear
I should never read these things
Although on my last mini pill I didn’t suffer bad
It is damned if we do damned if we don’t
I’m gonna hang on without as long as possible as I never wanna feel like this again

You done well to do them things Suzy that’s good … tomorrow I’m hoping to do more ..
husband went to get diesel as we need to drive to Ipswich monday and can’t get any , so he will try again tomorrow
People panic buying again xxx

[Suzysheep]

Maybe hold off on that pill then.. sigh.

I hope you get some fuel. It’s gone crazy. As soon as the government say don’t panic buy… everyone panics! I’ve got 1/2 a tank, so that’s ok for a while.

Are you going up for your dads funeral? How are you feeling about that? Xx

[Michelle7474]

Yeah , we was gonna drive up Monday evening as it’s 10.30 Tuesday morning
I’m gutted to be honest and I’m hoping I can do it .. I have to & want to do it he is my dad but also he would understand if I didn’t.. I’m hoping my blood is ok Monday then I can at least use rescue remedy in hope that it helps me enough
So kinda trying not to think too much about it, although it is on my brain a lot as is my dad

I know it’s gonna be a very tearful day and sometimes when I cry I don’t feel so anxious so maybe that will help in some strange way

I’ll deffo hold off on the pill and see how I go without anything

Hopefully the husband manages to fill up before Monday as deffo ain’t enough in there to get us there .. not even his work van would ( he always fills up weekends )

What you hoping for Suzy with your zoom call ?? 

[Suzysheep]

Yes, try and use the rescue remedy and lots of deep breathing.  Can you take diazepam?

I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to ask yet. I’m going to write everything that has happened to me and hope he can shed some light onto what has gone so wrong for me. Obviously I want to know if this will get better or if I’ll have to go on HRT again…. And if the anxiety meds are worth me preserving with etc… lots of questions that I need to get in some sort of order. X

[Michelle7474]

Yeah best way get it all wrote down in order of you needing to know
Hopefully she says that once hormones settle it dissapears
It’s best to have it all in front of you because sometimes can forget things trying to get it all out in a certain amount of time.

I’ve not taken diazepam because the GP refused to prescribe as its addictive but kept telling me take AD and prescribed Proponol.. which I won’t take because  I don’t like the feeling

Xxx

Rescue remedy should do the trick though