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[Ladybt28]

Is that for me Shadyglade? - what can I do now with my "red hair"?  or just generally what can I do now because I have gained so much wisdom into what "I would have done if I could do it all again"?
Red hair at 57 well whatever it is, it's not going to fall into the "age appropriate category". 

I just feel like I have had the crap beaten out of me, I'm like CKLD been trudging through treacle my whole life.  I know people say "nothing's impossible" but it might be irresponsible to do some of the more adventurous things I wrote in my first post and I can hardly train as a lawyer at 57 who would employ me when I qualified?  I suppose I could stand as a Councillor if I went into politics at this age? 
Now you have started something Shadyglade    I've only just worked out what I should have done and that's only become a lightbulb moment recently - now you are asking me "what can I do now"?  - Blimey "What can I do now"!    It not going work well if it takes another 57 years to get the answer to that one!  Bugger

[Sparrow]

No it wasn't for anyone in particular.  It's just that hindsight is a wonderful thing but completely useless.

All we have is the here and now.  That's all.

[Ju Ju]

  Lady. And why not become a councillor? With your life experience and if you have motivation and conviction, go for it! A force to be reckoned with! We need more people in politics who care about others rather than self advancement.

Always been blonde and not out of a bottle! I'm 65.  My hair might do its own thing, refusing to co-operate, but at least I've been blessed with a nice natural colour. I have gone into battle by growing it, so it can't stick out at strange angles. Gravity is working in my favour. If it refuses to conform I shove it up! I win! My children had far trouble with others name calling at school, both being redheads, but now embrace being noticed and different. Both well into their 30s.

[CLKD]

Hindsight can be a Life saver!  As long as 1 realises that changes can be made.  DH and I are used to interacting since we were 16  ....... he has the ability to shut off when I annoy him  . 

When we moved here a stranger pointed out how I nagged DH - it was how I 'came over' without realising it.  Hindsight has shown me that I was a bolshie teen, why anyone put up with me  I can't understand but DH's parents took me on  .  I was copying my father's attitude to the World.  I had little else to go on.  He was copying how he was raised ..........

Hindsight has given me courage to ditch those toxic people. Easier as we moved far away from family as soon as we married so our decisions weren't influenced by 'you should/shouldn't'.   So I see less of those who upset me unless I have to, i.e. funerals.  I halved my C.mas card list - none of those have contacted us to see if we are still living  . 

Hindsight has given me insight into the dynamics between my parents - what I blamed Dad for probably wasn't all his fault  and I can't talk to him or say 'sorry'.  They weren't aware of how they affected me with their behaviours.  Mum still doesn't ........

[Sparrow]

Very interesting post CLKD but what you are talking about is how you have changed your life now for the better. But you can't change the past for the better, it's gone.

I wouldn't change anything from my past, even if I could.  It's made me who I am now, for better or worse.

Do you remember the film It's a Wonderful Life.  Be careful what you wish for.

[CLKD]

  it' s hindsight that has enabled me. 

[Ladybt28]

My mums not with us and she still wouldn't have understood.  My Dad is 92 and he know there were issues between my mum and me but he didn't really understand how bad and what effect it has turned out to have.  He also has a tendency to say I'm like her!   There isn't any family to speak of, I rarely see my brother and when I do he annoys the hell out of me, only my sons and my stepfamily.  I isolated myself because I was taught by her that people were not really "your friends" they were just you acquitances and she was very untrusting (I don't know why) but she always took the approach to everyone that "they would do you down if they had a chance".  She didn't let anyone in because of her disability so I grew up trusting no one and keeping every one at arms length.  Mother's uh! Who'd have um!

People with ginger hair tend to have lovely skins, well that's my opinion anyway, they tend to look younger longer, I think. Genuine red hair is a great thing JuJu

[Sparrow]

That sounds very difficult Ladybt.  I have to say I miss my mum like mad and still talk to her when I'm stressed (I know, total nutter I am).  She could be awkward at times but then aren't we all.  But she was full of wisdom, always listened and had huge courage.  Miss my Dad like mad too. 

[Ladybt28]

yes - shaped most of my life really - but the questions is Shadyglade - lot of us know what we might do if we could do it all again but really those things wouldn't necessarily be appropriate now if we want to change our lives...so as you ask maybe we should start thread which asks "what could 55+ menopausal women reasonably do, if they wanted to change their careers, or needed to earn money (cos I don't have any ).  It's easy to do stuff when you have money but if you are just about managing - what could we reasonably do - answers on a post card anyone??
(now don't say take up pole dancing.... )

[CLKD]

Pole dancing is easy, kids do it every May Day 

If I could - apart from as I said, not being horrid to school mates  .......... I don't think there's much I would change.  Because I was shy due to my parents being continually angry. 

[squeaker99]

It's interesting how parents impact on our lives has worked its way into the regrets thread. 

My mother was always quietly controlling, it's what she never said or did that formed me (no hugs, no complements, never sorry). She taught me to run away from problems and never speak out/find solutions.  She would throw an illogical, hurtful bomb' into the family then hide behind my dad playing the victim.  When I left home I could get the silent treatment for years if I dared to stand up to cruel comment she made.  This was my ' norm' so even now at 49 I can't confront her.  It was when she started the same pattern with my kids that I cut off contact 3 years ago (Or may I just ran away and hid).

On a positive note....Caitlen Jenner is an inspiration on ' I'm a Celeb' free fall parachuting. Also Kate Garraway at 52 walking the plank of that high rise. Ian McKellan at 82 in The Good Liar - just fantastic.   Some people really don't let age define them and we should all be inspired and excited about that. However we don't have to go to extremes.  One womans' bungee jump is anothers' surviving Christmas.


 

[Yorkshire Girl]

Aww that's lovely Jaypo.

I would do so much differently, feel I've done nothing with my life, self confidence & being shy has always been an issue, parents didn't help. Sorted my PMDD out a lot earlier than leaving it 20+ years not knowing why I was so angry & horrible person, go back to school to try & get better grades, the list goes on & on. One thing I got right was getting married to a great man, he's had to put up with so much.

[sheila99]

Travelled down Africa overland in my 20s. The plan was to turn left at the bottom but instead I spent a couple of years working in South Africa. Couldn't take money out of the country so bought a yacht and sailed it out. The roaring 40s didn't appeal in a 30 foot boat (and I get seasick) so turned right instead and came home via the carribean. I can't say I regret it as I met my husband here and spent time with my parents before they died but I do wonder how different life would be if I'd settled in Australia.
Reading some of the posts I feel blessed with wonderful parents. Even though my brother died in a caving accident they never tried to stop me going (not that I would have listened). If it was my daughter I'd have plenty to say but fortunately for my nerves she has a better sense of self preservation than I do.

[getting_old]

It's interesting how parents impact on our lives has worked its way into the regrets thread. 

I think it's because so many of us grew up with only our parents' influence, and it shaped our choices and the way we behaved. I was an only child with few friends so the only role models I had for being an adult woman was my mother and grandmother, and both thought that my mother's happiness was the only thing that mattered. They treated me and my dad like dirt, so that's how I treated men. They were truly horrible people, and so was I because I didn't know any different. I made a lot of decisions that focused solely on my mother's happiness, and I regret every one of them, so if I could go back in time to meet my 18 year old self I'd tell me to break all ties with her and find decent people who could show / teach me how to be a decent human being. The behaviours she taught me are pretty much ingrained but I work hard every day to be a better person. I'll always be flawed and often my initial reaction is to be that nasty person she created, but I now know that I should think again and look at ways to be nicer.

Interestingly when I was around 20 I went to a fortune teller who told me to be very careful of someone with my mother's name. At the time I assumed she couldn't possibly mean my mother, but now I realise that's who she meant. Shame I didn't heed her warning 

[squeaker99]

getting_old. You are nothing whatsoever like your mother as I'm sure she could never have written with such honest self awareness and self reflection. I think everyone on this site shows a great deal of empathy and generosity towards others which are fine traits to have.

I think I should have lived my life by not surrounding myself with toxic people. With that in mind I had the wrong family and wrong career.