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[Sharon J]

  husband has walked out on weekend, stress levels through the roof. Not sleeping past 3.30am Just on last patch in box of everol sequi.( First box) . I actually said to husband last week I feel a bit better do I seem better to you, he replied no no change at all. I'm

 Perimenopausal and very low after periods which is normal for me. Just finishing one now.    Is it it the fact that hubby has buggered off that's caused the stress and anxiety or is it just not working.   What a mess I don't know what to do go to GP and ask for something else........ Something that will actually make me be interested in sex( not that I need that now   ) and sleep and just be normal again. Obviously feeling pretty depressed today 😢 can't carry on like this. The only thing I can see this hrt has done is initially given me sore boobs, really bad stomach ache and two bleeds in 4 weeks and I feel huge around the middle .   Terrible headache the last few days but putting that down to stress.    Anyone else having a shitty similar time?

[Ladybt28]

  Hello Sharon J....well husband walking out on top of meno problems is bound to be stressful unless you were glad to see the back of him...sorry I shouldn't be flippant....of course it has caused the stress, even if you weren't getting on, its a mega stressful event.

Yes is the answer to the question "anyone else having a shitty time" - there are loads of us here.  My shitty time is past tense but on a scale of 1 to 10 of shittiness it was an 12!  All you describe is due to hormones, or lack of them.

How long have you been on hrt - doesn't sound long by what you say in your post.  It may well be too soon and things haven't levelled out or Everol sequi isn't the right hrt for you.  Not every hrt regime works the same for everybody.  I tried 6 before I got to the right for me.. Tell us what's been going on...

[Sharon J]

Hi ladybt28
Only been on the hrt since mid July so not long at all.   No not really glad to see the back of hubby, but he's just come back from visiting his parents for a few days and I could tell something was wrong when he got back.   His mother is a nightmare and obviously been moaning and complaining about me, she's not very maternal at all and has no empathy for anyone. 

Sorry to hear you've had a shitty time too 😔. It's definitely a shitty thing all round  .... Omg six before you found the right one how did you cope, how long did it take for a positive result?

I've pushed and pushed for the GP to give me something apart from fluoxitine for over a year, so here I am in a worse rut than before.  I've looked at natural remedies for sleep etc, but can't take them due to high BP.

[Perinowpost]

Sharon have you thought about adding in testosterone for your libido, it's often the missing link at this time of life. Sorry to hear about your husband and I'm presuming you want him back btw x

[Ladybt28]

ah yes, husbands and their mothers    yes meno is effectively hell on earth for some of us and most of the ladies with problems find this forum..the one's who "sail through" never get to see it I don't think...anyway there are plenty of us here so you are in good company.  How did I cope..badly but its a very long story..you can find my posts all over the forum if you need something to read at night   my moans, groans, and desperate meanderings are enough to send anyone to sleep! 
I have been on the right regime for me for 1 whole year this August and it took 7 months to finally be able to say that I felt relatively normal (for me!).  My story goes way back and there were other underlying problems which turned out to be all hormonal during my fertile years and from a teenager...but anyway..

you have not been on hrt long enough for your body to adjust.  Conventional medical wisdom, such that it is says that you must trial something for at least 3 months before changing to another form of hrt to work out what is working for you, what is not and which symptoms have not come under control.  Perinowpost, is right testosterone can help with libido but any sympathetic GP is unlikely to prescribe it until you have been on a stable working regime for at least 3 months.  Unfortunately bucket loads of patience is the name of the meno game in some cases.

Meno can put a massive strain on a marriage especially if the man involved is not the most enlightened which if he has a difficult mother is unlikely.  Its a bit of a generational thing I think...my own wasn't very empathetic.

[Sharon J]

Ladybt28
Your story sounds very similar to mine, is only now that I'm older I realise I've suffered for years due to hormones possibly from the age of 13 .  I'll look out for your biography on here later when I'm wide awake at 3am  . It has put a massive strain on our marriage I don't think I realised how much it had affected him, he just seems so angry and annoyed at whatever ever I do or say. Understandable if I'm up and down. It's affected work for me, my confidence.  I used to be strong, independent, confident. The kind of person my husband was attracted to but not anymore 

Birdy
Yes just awful 

Perinowpost, I have thought that I'm probably lacking in testosterone as my labido has always been a bit low, but not as it is now totally flatlinned dead  . I guess I just need to push through and keep trying to get me back. Husband is an intelligent person, but just seems to give work his all and I feel like a total inconvenience to him almost begging for his time.  Its like I'm invisible uninteresting, maybe that's the whole problem....i am  :(Totally devastated he's gone but I can't make him love me if he doesn't anymore.  X

[wuzzie]

My husband of 15 years, my rock and soul mate, left me bang in the middle of menopause, no warning, hit me like a truck.  It felt like the worst time of my life and I knew the menopause was to blame.  My best ‘male' friend picked me up, held my hand and listened for hours, fed me, made up a bed for me, talked and walked me through the night.  I remember saying to him who's going to love a 52 year old menopausal 😙🤒woman.  And guess what?  Here we are together 8 years later.  I thought my world had ended but it had just begun.  Sending you a massive hug,

[sheila99]

That's a lovely story Wuzzie. Edited to say I mean the second bit, obviously sorry about the first.
 Hang on in there Sharon, my anxiety and insomnia took three months to go. I think you need to give it a bit longer. Some people find libido comes back just with hrt but I needed testosterone. I was so miserable and bad tempered I wouldn't have blamed my OH if he'd left. Insomnia is the absolute pits, you're guaranteed to feel dreadful when you can't sleep. Might be worth reviewing your diet and exercise too as these can help you feel a bit better.

[Sharon J]

Oh Wuzzie,  sorry to read the first part, but so glad and pleased your happy now. 🤗 x

Thank you Sheila99,   yes I'm thinking give it a bit longer.   I do walk, ride my bike 10/12 miles once a week which makes me feel great.  But diet is a bit hit and miss as appetite comes and goes depending on what's happening.   Hair loss, hair where you don't want it (chin) insomnia (oh god I just want my mind and body to rest for one whole night, I can't remember the last time I had a full night sleep) anxiety, panic attacks, feeling of something crawling up my arms, dizziness, brain fog (which I think has improved) mood swings, rage, screaming.   I've kept this all contained hidden from friends /family until I broke down at GP's and thought I was going mad.   I just want to feel normal again. Due to start next packet tomorrow. Do I don't I?....... Loosing my mind as well as husband. Don't blame him for leaving, this all sounds crazy reading it back, I'd leave myself if I could

[Ladybt28]

Well no one here is gonna leave you Sharon j - we too have been there to or are there at the minute!... and its not crazy, its flaming hormones! and yes you do need to start packet 2 cos you need to find out what will make you feel better.  Its not about other people, its all about you.  No one should have to even embark on this s**** but we do and for some of us its terrible and I have written before that if men could ever experience half of what some of us go through then there would be hundreds of hormone replacement therapies out there and permanent ongoing research into everything from the hair loss to the nasal drip, insomnia etc etc etc and they would be being dolled out like sweeties!!!

Don't blame yourself for your husbands reactions to all this...in sickness and in health and all that...there is a men's section here on the forum for them to educate themselves, husbands have responsibilities in this meno thing too... I mean if he is that intelligent surely you might think that if you come across something you don't understand then you might think about finding out a bit more?...no???  Sadly some men just bury their heads, cut and run

It is possible to feel normal again, I never thought it would be..it just may take some time and a fair bit of persistence. 

Wuzzie - what a story - what a thing to have to go through to get a happy ending!

[paisley]

Hi Sharon j
I just wanted to post & say I'm sorry about your husband. This menopause can put a strain on any marriage. How can it not? Lots of husbands just don't get it. I also wonder if it was happening to my husband how would I cope with it all & I really don't know. I had Post Natal Depression as well when I was younger & that put a massive strain on our marriage too. Maybe men should be educated about all this at school. It might help.
Anyway I really hope that the HRT will work for you soon & if not you can always try something else.
Take care xxx

[Sharon J]

    all of you for taking the time read my post and kind  comments . 

Update : Terrible night last night, could not sleep at all. 
Thinking over thinking about everything, feeling very anxious, as if I can't breath properly or focus on any today extremely low and tearful at a drop of a hat, which is causing me to be more upset at the tears at least had stopped for a good few weeks.
I was thinking back to when I had my children 20yrs ago and 10years ago, not a problem perfect beautiful babies, no sleep issues with either of them and not the slightest hint of post natal depression, the only thing I had were huge painful boobs, when the breast milk kicked in. My mum advised me to put savoy cabbage leaves in my bra to ease the pain and remarkably it did the trick.   ..........husband was wonderful helping, no washing my bits in the shower in hospital because I found it so painful to twist and turn in shower after having a second c section. That's probably the only time I was down in that moment when your just feeling a bit weak and vulnerable and can't pull your own pants on but husband did it without being asked which I don't think a lot of men would even think to do.

This perimenopausal crap has just all got too much I guess and has been kreeping up over a period of about 7 years, but I kept being told by every GP your too young 
Anyway,
Just started my second box of everol sequi this morning so I'll see how I get on over the next few days.  X

[Ladybt28]

GP's saying "too young" is a common theme, it seems.  It's mentioned here all the time.  Menopause has become quite a hot topic of late but our gps and consultants are very behind the times and a lot of them are still spouting on about a discredited study done more than 10 years ago about links to cancer which has now been disproved let alone getting up to date with latest trends and treatments. 

No wonder you feel like you cant breath - shock, worry, unhappiness and wondering what it's all about setting in - have you any idea on hubby's plans..have you heard from him at all,  if you don't mind me asking?  Regardless of the meno crap husbands leaving is very traumatic xx 

[Sharon J]

Definitely a common theme of ignorance from GP 's in general from reading lots of posts on here, which is incredibly sad in this day age.
I had an endometrial ablation last year after a battle for two year's to get my GP to  even refer me for an appointment with a geanacologist, his initial response was trying to push me into having a marina coil which I didn't fancy, so point blank refused it, I needed the cause of the heavy flooding periods I was experiencing for the last four year's investigated and treated properly as I was also anemic because of it. Last year's was just awful I've no idea how I got through it but I did.

Yes husband has been here after work yesterday to pick up shirts that he forgot to pack lol....... He spoke to children but didn't really want to speak to me.   He's staying in our caravan, probably having a really lovely time only having to think of himself  .......perhaps I should have gone there thinking about it ..... I've got to laugh or I'll cry again x

[westie]

Oh. Y goodness Sharon what a horrible time you are having. This meno lark has such a lot to answer to and men should definitely be educated at school about the serious effects it has.

I hope you can find the right HRT for you and start to feel better yourself. Please know that you are not alone on here there is always someone to talk to anytime day and night.

Sending you bigs hugs

W xx